never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vacabdication]

You? Are a genius.

[ And he'd have a lot more praise to deliver about Ajay's virtues, if it didn't get swallowed up in that wonderful kiss. He kisses back, just as hungrily, savoring the slide of Ajay's tongue against his, the burr of his teeth in his hunger. He loves it, every moment of it, and can't help pushing into Ajay's hand one more time before he regretfully pulls out of his grip to tear the little pack open. ]

Now. I believe you said something along the lines of "bent over the desk"?

[vaaris]

[ ... did he say that?

because it's entirely one thing to say it in a pique of sexy inspiration, and quite another to actually... bend over the desk. and that's why ajay freezes on the spot, color creeping up into his face and prompting him to break eye contact for a suddenly fascinating spot on the wallpaper. ]

I, uh --

[vacabdication]

[ It's terrible, but the way Ajay flushes is absolutely charming. Pagan can't resist leaning in to plant a kiss on one of those pinkening cheeks, but it's always been important to him that Ajay is happy and comfortable, and now that's more true than ever. ]

A thought to keep me warm on those lonely nights when you're out and about, perhaps. I like to be able to see this face while I have it nearby.

... unless you'd like to do me?

[vaaris]

[ listen, doing pagan is never going to stop being one hell of an attractive offer. but! he talked a big game, and he isn't the type of person to back away from a challenge. and besides, pagan is always so concerned about what ajay wants -- there's something about being able to pay back that desire that's appealing, even if the idea of actually bending himself over the table like the star of that weirdo porno makes his skin prickle with embarrassment.

c'mon, ajay. you fought in the arena with your dick out, and this gives you stage fright? ]

Just -- [ it's still shy, but the way he dips in for another kiss is almost coaxing. ] Tell me? That you want it.

I like to hear -- [ trailing off shyly again. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Oh.

Suddenly he feels an absolute beast for making Ajay say it so plainly instead of figuring out what was needed, but... there is a part of him that finds that desperately hot. The idea that Ajay wants to hear it, likes to hear Pagan tell him how much he wants him, how he wants him. The combination of Ajay's shyness and his want to be told - oh, but that's delicious indeed. So Pagan returns that kiss, lingering, just as needy as his earlier efforts but slow, before he runs his thumb up the inside of one of Ajay's hard thighs. ]

I would like to have you bent over the desk. A wonderful view of that toned back and your oh-so-famous shoulders, and of course the main event. Rewarding as it is to watch your ass even when it's covered by your jeans, I am very tempted by the prospect of being able to see myself buried in it.

I want you, Ajay. I want to bend you over this desk and fuck you.

[vaaris]

Fuck.

[ it's a helpless thing, because that? that was better than he'd even imagined, and leave it to pagan to take an assignment and attack it with his customary zeal. just the sound of it is enough to make his whole body flush with heat, and he can feel his cock give a little twitch of interest between his legs. there's also no helping the way he hauls pagan closer for another kiss, too needy to not find an outlet for all of that desire simmering hotly in his veins.

but.

an effort like that definitely deserves a reward.

which is why ajay nudges pagan back a step or two, taking a moment to breathe before he slides off the desk. and then turns to lean back over it again, bracing his weight on his forearms and then flicking a look back over his shoulder. ] ... like this?

[ he really didn't mean for it to sound like such a come-on, but it's hard to imagine pagan complaining. especially when he spreads his stance a little wider and presses his hips back for better effect -- still embarrassing, but god. the intensity with which pagan wants him is something intoxicating, and he can't help but want to egg on the reaction. ]

[vacabdication]

Oh, fuck.

[ It's breathless, which to Pagan's ear sounds a little silly, but that the fuck is he supposed to do? The first man ever to make his dick really pay attention listening to what he wants and jumping to it like it's an order, and looking even better than Pagan imagined he would? He can't be expected to keep his cool in the face of that!

What he can do is show his appreciation, and he runs a hand down the aforementioned back with reverence, savoring the feel of it under his touch before he pulls his hand back to spill lube onto his fingers. ]

Just like that, darling. God, you're beautiful.

[ And the next touch is slick, the lube warmed between his fingers as he circles it gently over Ajay's entrance. ]

[vaaris]

[ it might sound silly to pagan, but to ajay? it sounds incredible. he can't get used to being wanted like this -- like the man who has everything thinks ajay is genuinely the most desirable treasure in the world, and god. ajay doesn't know if it's the praise or if it's that finger that pagan teases over his entrance is what makes him moan, but... does it matter? his response would be the same either way, and that's the way he rolls his hips back into pagan's touch with a low noise of need. ]

And you're -- [ a little stumble, because he's still not nearly out of his head enough to stop being shy from being an obstacle, but he presses on. ] -- the only one who gets to see.

[vacabdication]

Lucky me.

[ It might sound sarcastic he he didn't absolutely purr it, circling with a little more pressure, leaning down to press a kiss between Ajay's shoulderblades as he slips that first slick finger slowly inside. And god, no matter how many times they do this he can't ever imagine a time when the heat inside of Ajay stops being a wonderful shock, the promising tightness of him startlingly good. He hums at the feel of it, sliding slow. ]

I don't deserve you. But I am so, so very happy to have you.

[vaaris]

[ his breath catches as pagan works that first finger into him, keeping his focus on making sure to just relax. not because it's too much, but because the anticipation and adrenaline already has his muscles drawn tight -- it takes a certain amount of effort to just settle here and let pagan take things at his own pace. ]

You didn't earn me. [ but he turns a little here, trying to get a proper kiss. ] I chose you.

[vacabdication]

[ There's no way in hell he's going to deny Ajay a kiss after that. He leans in close, meets that kiss with all the want that's pulsing through his veins and making his cock throb, but lets sweetness pour into it slow and thick as honey. All his love for Ajay, all his gratitude for that choosing, for the way Ajay blew into his life and made it worthwhile again.

Which is not to say that slows down the movement of his hand at all, pressing another finger in so he can twist and crook them inside Ajay as much for the joy of doing it as for preparation. ]

You did. I'll make sure you never regret that choice.

[vaaris]

[ he moans a low noise into that kiss as pagan works another finger into him, feeling the little sparks of pleasure go leaping through his system when the other man twists his hand. it's good -- and so is all this sweetness, this steady affirmation that he's cherished and adored. what happened with sabal made him feel used and dirty, like his own wants and desires weren't worth being acknowledged, but this? this is the opposite of all of that.

this might be what it's like to be with someone who --

... but ajay isn't entirely sure he's ready to let himself go there. (or admit that he's there already, which is probably the more accurate way of putting it.)

so he reaches back to get a hand around the nape of pagan's neck, drawing him back in for another kiss instead. not having to put it into words is better, safer. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Wonderful. For all that Ajay is shy about putting what he wants into words, he's beautifully responsive to touch, demonstrating what he likes with a gorgeous clarity. And that kiss feels so infused with that, with pleasure at what they're doing and affection, that Pagan can't help melting into it. He tries to spread his fingers and finds he can't, Ajay too tight around them to give him that room, and there's something beautiful in knowing from the kiss and from Ajay's words that it's not from a lack of desire. He slips then in deeper instead, having had the foresight to apply enough lube to get up to the knuckles of his hand, a little shiver running through him at feeling Ajay envelop them and knowing how much better it's going to feel around his dick.

There should be a contrast in that, he thinks. A certain disharmony between thoughts that are carnal and wanting versus his desire to keep Ajay safe and tended to. There isn't; it's all part of a glorious whole, and all he can do is hope that one day Ajay will be ready to accept all of it and never be afraid of the force of Pagan's love, never doubt that he's worthy. ]

[vaaris]

[ pagan presses his fingers in deep, and the little moan that drags out of ajay in response is enough to break the kiss. he can't help the urge to roll his hips back against pagan's hand, breath hitching when it makes those fingers shift wonderfully inside him. and god, he can't get over how well pagan seems to know him already, the way he touches ajay as if it's a skill he's had ages to master. ]

Pagan. [ breathless, and there's a little edge of strain in his voice just because of how badly he wants more. ] That feels --

[vacabdication]

Good?

[ He says it like a question, but he isn't really asking if it feels good. Coaxing, more like, as he responds to the way Ajay presses back against his hand by curling his fingers inside him, stroking both with fingertips over Ajay's prostate and a hand over the arch of his back. Gorgeous, he's breathtaking, and Pagan aches for him. ]

More?

[vaaris]

[ fuck.

pagan strokes those fingers firmly over his prostrate, and the resulting sensation sizzles through him like an electric shock. ajay drops his head forward and bites down on the inside of his cheek to stifle his moan, already half-desperate to rut himself backwards and try to get pagan to do it again. ]

I -- [ he swallows, licks his lips. the words should be easy to say, but they catch in his throat. so he nods instead, hoping that'll count for enough. ]

[vacabdication]

Good. Good boy. I do love it when you let me know what you want.

[ It's meant to be praise and encouragement at the same time - it's always so beautiful when Ajay responds, but he wants more. Wants to hear it unrestrained, without Ajay trying to hold back or muffle his cries. Something to work towards, perhaps, since Ajay still seems to be labouring under the misapprehension that there is a single soul in the palace grounds who isn't aware they're fucking.

For now, he adds another finger and does it again, circling the pressure of his fingers over Ajay's prostate, trying to make him weak with it. ]

[vaaris]

[god, just the sound of pagan praising him is enough to set ajay on fire all over again; he craves it, aches to be told he's good for someone in a way that's probably unhealthy. but fuck if pagan doesn't deliver on that need without ajay even having to ask, and it makes him burn.

especially when pagan pairs it with the press of another finger, the feeling of him pressing up firmly against ajay's prostrate and just stroking there until it's enough to make ajay's vision blur. he has to lean the majority of his weight on the table when his knees threaten to buckle underneath him, and there's no helping the ragged groan that the feeling drags out of him. ]

Pagan --

[vacabdication]

Oh, yes. My beautiful boy.

[ He shifts to loop an arm around Ajay's waist as he strokes over that spot again, just enough to let him know he's safe, that Pagan won't let him fall. And really, it's his duty to make sure of that, because he's circling his fingers now, constant pressure over that spot, his own straining cock a minor concern in the face of of wonderful Ajay sounds. ]

You sweet thing. Delicious.

[vaaris]

[ there's something sweet about the way pagan circles a steadying arm around him, enough to make ajay's chest ache. but he can't really focus on that, not when pagan keeps working those fingers right up against that spot that's driving ajay fucking crazy. that coil of heat at the pit of his belly keeps tightening with every stroke, the strong muscles in his thighs twitching with every bright shock of pleasure.

he can feel his body start climbing that tell-tale peak from nothing more than this, and fuck. he's torn between the urge to chase it and the urge to fight it off until pagan is inside him properly, nails digging into the lacquered surface of the table as he struggles. ]

Fuck, I -- [ but pagan doesn't stop what he's doing, and the next flush of pleasure sucks his words away from him with a little gasp. it's a struggle just to string a sentence together when his brain is glazed over with how good this feels, but. ] I'm gonna --

If you keep doing that --

[vacabdication]

[ God, it's tempting. So tempting to keepg going, to take Ajay apart this way -

but Ajay told him what he wanted. He practically made ajay tell him what he wants, and when he takes enough of a pause to think about it the promise of feeling that tight heat around his dick instead of his fingers wins out. So he presses another kiss to Ajay's back, apologetic as he slowly withdraws his fingers. ]

Wait for me, hmm?

[ and he moves as quickly as he can to slick his cock with lube - probably too quickly, given the fact that he nearly drops the little packet. Still, he gets there eventually, stifling a groan at his own touch before he lines himself up and pushes slowly in. ]

Oh, god, Ajay.

[vaaris]

[ he can't help it. he whines when pagan slides his fingers free, even though the sound of that traitorous little noise makes him flush with embarrassment all over again.

but! at least there's a little time for him to recover some of his composure, and ajay takes that chance to duck his head down and work on steadying his breathing back out. easy, easy, until that tight knot of heat at the pit of his belly feels less likely to come undone at any moment. listen, his ego isn't anywhere near on par with pagan min's, but that still doesn't mean ajay wants to be the one who loses it --

and then without warning, pagan is lining up behind him and pressing slowly in. and ajay can't help but moan, worked up so perfectly that having pagan finally fill him is dizzyingly good. he reaches behind himself without thinking, gripping one of pagan's hips as if there's some real risk of the other man pulling out, leaving him, taking this away. ]

Pagan. [ there's an urge to tell him how fucking good it feels, how pagan fills him so perfectly it's as if he were meant to be there, but he knows he'll just stumble over the words until they're nonsense. better to get out something easier. ] S'good. Just what I needed, fuck.

[vacabdication]

Christ.

[ Just being inside Ajay is already perfection, but then Ajay reaches back and grasps his hip like he's desperate to keep him there and the flare of heat that spike through Pagan at feeling so wanted makes him moan. He grips Ajay's hip with one hand, uses the other to run up the length of Ajay's back until he can cradle Ajay's chin in his hand, running a fingertip over his lips as he rocks into him. ]

You feel like a dream. I'm never as whole as I am when I'm inside you.

[vaaris]

[ fuck, it's so good that he's dizzy. not just the steady rock of pagan's hips into him, but all of that reverent praise, the way every touch clearly spells out his adoration. it's like the first sips of water when you're desperately thirsty -- already so much that it aches, but ajay can't stop himself from wanting more. ]

Pagan. [ propping himself up on one elbow so that he can turn again. ] C'mere, kiss me, I need --

[vacabdication]

[ How could he possibly deny such a request? He leans in for that kiss, having to stretch for it because Ajay is taller - and oh, even that's wonderful, because in leaning in he has to press closer, burying himself to the hilt until he groans with it as he presses his mouth to Ajay's.

It's perfect. That connection, that extra level of closeness even as they're together like this. He pours everything into it, all his desire, all his love, all desire to keep Ajay happy and safe, all the things he doesn't dare to say out loud. ]