never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ his breath catches as pagan works that first finger into him, keeping his focus on making sure to just relax. not because it's too much, but because the anticipation and adrenaline already has his muscles drawn tight -- it takes a certain amount of effort to just settle here and let pagan take things at his own pace. ]

You didn't earn me. [ but he turns a little here, trying to get a proper kiss. ] I chose you.

[vacabdication]

[ There's no way in hell he's going to deny Ajay a kiss after that. He leans in close, meets that kiss with all the want that's pulsing through his veins and making his cock throb, but lets sweetness pour into it slow and thick as honey. All his love for Ajay, all his gratitude for that choosing, for the way Ajay blew into his life and made it worthwhile again.

Which is not to say that slows down the movement of his hand at all, pressing another finger in so he can twist and crook them inside Ajay as much for the joy of doing it as for preparation. ]

You did. I'll make sure you never regret that choice.

[vaaris]

[ he moans a low noise into that kiss as pagan works another finger into him, feeling the little sparks of pleasure go leaping through his system when the other man twists his hand. it's good -- and so is all this sweetness, this steady affirmation that he's cherished and adored. what happened with sabal made him feel used and dirty, like his own wants and desires weren't worth being acknowledged, but this? this is the opposite of all of that.

this might be what it's like to be with someone who --

... but ajay isn't entirely sure he's ready to let himself go there. (or admit that he's there already, which is probably the more accurate way of putting it.)

so he reaches back to get a hand around the nape of pagan's neck, drawing him back in for another kiss instead. not having to put it into words is better, safer. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Wonderful. For all that Ajay is shy about putting what he wants into words, he's beautifully responsive to touch, demonstrating what he likes with a gorgeous clarity. And that kiss feels so infused with that, with pleasure at what they're doing and affection, that Pagan can't help melting into it. He tries to spread his fingers and finds he can't, Ajay too tight around them to give him that room, and there's something beautiful in knowing from the kiss and from Ajay's words that it's not from a lack of desire. He slips then in deeper instead, having had the foresight to apply enough lube to get up to the knuckles of his hand, a little shiver running through him at feeling Ajay envelop them and knowing how much better it's going to feel around his dick.

There should be a contrast in that, he thinks. A certain disharmony between thoughts that are carnal and wanting versus his desire to keep Ajay safe and tended to. There isn't; it's all part of a glorious whole, and all he can do is hope that one day Ajay will be ready to accept all of it and never be afraid of the force of Pagan's love, never doubt that he's worthy. ]

[vaaris]

[ pagan presses his fingers in deep, and the little moan that drags out of ajay in response is enough to break the kiss. he can't help the urge to roll his hips back against pagan's hand, breath hitching when it makes those fingers shift wonderfully inside him. and god, he can't get over how well pagan seems to know him already, the way he touches ajay as if it's a skill he's had ages to master. ]

Pagan. [ breathless, and there's a little edge of strain in his voice just because of how badly he wants more. ] That feels --

[vacabdication]

Good?

[ He says it like a question, but he isn't really asking if it feels good. Coaxing, more like, as he responds to the way Ajay presses back against his hand by curling his fingers inside him, stroking both with fingertips over Ajay's prostate and a hand over the arch of his back. Gorgeous, he's breathtaking, and Pagan aches for him. ]

More?

[vaaris]

[ fuck.

pagan strokes those fingers firmly over his prostrate, and the resulting sensation sizzles through him like an electric shock. ajay drops his head forward and bites down on the inside of his cheek to stifle his moan, already half-desperate to rut himself backwards and try to get pagan to do it again. ]

I -- [ he swallows, licks his lips. the words should be easy to say, but they catch in his throat. so he nods instead, hoping that'll count for enough. ]

[vacabdication]

Good. Good boy. I do love it when you let me know what you want.

[ It's meant to be praise and encouragement at the same time - it's always so beautiful when Ajay responds, but he wants more. Wants to hear it unrestrained, without Ajay trying to hold back or muffle his cries. Something to work towards, perhaps, since Ajay still seems to be labouring under the misapprehension that there is a single soul in the palace grounds who isn't aware they're fucking.

For now, he adds another finger and does it again, circling the pressure of his fingers over Ajay's prostate, trying to make him weak with it. ]

[vaaris]

[god, just the sound of pagan praising him is enough to set ajay on fire all over again; he craves it, aches to be told he's good for someone in a way that's probably unhealthy. but fuck if pagan doesn't deliver on that need without ajay even having to ask, and it makes him burn.

especially when pagan pairs it with the press of another finger, the feeling of him pressing up firmly against ajay's prostrate and just stroking there until it's enough to make ajay's vision blur. he has to lean the majority of his weight on the table when his knees threaten to buckle underneath him, and there's no helping the ragged groan that the feeling drags out of him. ]

Pagan --

[vacabdication]

Oh, yes. My beautiful boy.

[ He shifts to loop an arm around Ajay's waist as he strokes over that spot again, just enough to let him know he's safe, that Pagan won't let him fall. And really, it's his duty to make sure of that, because he's circling his fingers now, constant pressure over that spot, his own straining cock a minor concern in the face of of wonderful Ajay sounds. ]

You sweet thing. Delicious.

[vaaris]

[ there's something sweet about the way pagan circles a steadying arm around him, enough to make ajay's chest ache. but he can't really focus on that, not when pagan keeps working those fingers right up against that spot that's driving ajay fucking crazy. that coil of heat at the pit of his belly keeps tightening with every stroke, the strong muscles in his thighs twitching with every bright shock of pleasure.

he can feel his body start climbing that tell-tale peak from nothing more than this, and fuck. he's torn between the urge to chase it and the urge to fight it off until pagan is inside him properly, nails digging into the lacquered surface of the table as he struggles. ]

Fuck, I -- [ but pagan doesn't stop what he's doing, and the next flush of pleasure sucks his words away from him with a little gasp. it's a struggle just to string a sentence together when his brain is glazed over with how good this feels, but. ] I'm gonna --

If you keep doing that --

[vacabdication]

[ God, it's tempting. So tempting to keepg going, to take Ajay apart this way -

but Ajay told him what he wanted. He practically made ajay tell him what he wants, and when he takes enough of a pause to think about it the promise of feeling that tight heat around his dick instead of his fingers wins out. So he presses another kiss to Ajay's back, apologetic as he slowly withdraws his fingers. ]

Wait for me, hmm?

[ and he moves as quickly as he can to slick his cock with lube - probably too quickly, given the fact that he nearly drops the little packet. Still, he gets there eventually, stifling a groan at his own touch before he lines himself up and pushes slowly in. ]

Oh, god, Ajay.

[vaaris]

[ he can't help it. he whines when pagan slides his fingers free, even though the sound of that traitorous little noise makes him flush with embarrassment all over again.

but! at least there's a little time for him to recover some of his composure, and ajay takes that chance to duck his head down and work on steadying his breathing back out. easy, easy, until that tight knot of heat at the pit of his belly feels less likely to come undone at any moment. listen, his ego isn't anywhere near on par with pagan min's, but that still doesn't mean ajay wants to be the one who loses it --

and then without warning, pagan is lining up behind him and pressing slowly in. and ajay can't help but moan, worked up so perfectly that having pagan finally fill him is dizzyingly good. he reaches behind himself without thinking, gripping one of pagan's hips as if there's some real risk of the other man pulling out, leaving him, taking this away. ]

Pagan. [ there's an urge to tell him how fucking good it feels, how pagan fills him so perfectly it's as if he were meant to be there, but he knows he'll just stumble over the words until they're nonsense. better to get out something easier. ] S'good. Just what I needed, fuck.

[vacabdication]

Christ.

[ Just being inside Ajay is already perfection, but then Ajay reaches back and grasps his hip like he's desperate to keep him there and the flare of heat that spike through Pagan at feeling so wanted makes him moan. He grips Ajay's hip with one hand, uses the other to run up the length of Ajay's back until he can cradle Ajay's chin in his hand, running a fingertip over his lips as he rocks into him. ]

You feel like a dream. I'm never as whole as I am when I'm inside you.

[vaaris]

[ fuck, it's so good that he's dizzy. not just the steady rock of pagan's hips into him, but all of that reverent praise, the way every touch clearly spells out his adoration. it's like the first sips of water when you're desperately thirsty -- already so much that it aches, but ajay can't stop himself from wanting more. ]

Pagan. [ propping himself up on one elbow so that he can turn again. ] C'mere, kiss me, I need --

[vacabdication]

[ How could he possibly deny such a request? He leans in for that kiss, having to stretch for it because Ajay is taller - and oh, even that's wonderful, because in leaning in he has to press closer, burying himself to the hilt until he groans with it as he presses his mouth to Ajay's.

It's perfect. That connection, that extra level of closeness even as they're together like this. He pours everything into it, all his desire, all his love, all desire to keep Ajay happy and safe, all the things he doesn't dare to say out loud. ]

[vaaris]

[ god. pagan leans in to meet him, and it just means that he ends up pressing in so deep that it makes ajay see stars. but the resulting moan gets swallowed up by that kiss, and ajay might marvel at how pagan manages to say so much even with his mouth so thoroughly occupied. there's desire there, so much tenderness that it makes him ache, and a fierce possessiveness that sets ajay on fire.

it's impossible not to want more. and ajay's hand goes from pagan's hip to the back of his head, responding to that kiss with a greedy little noise. pagan's tongue is slick against his, and ajay lets the other man claim his mouth -- begs for it, if anything, offering himself up. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Ajay opens to him, like a flower to the sun, warm and willing and wanting in a way that is about so much more than the way their bodies are connected, and Pagan feels it cut right through him, the ache of it sweet and burning. He moans into the kiss, almost helpless. Like this it's hard for him to move, but it's enough; the slightest roll of his hips, moving out and sweetly in to Ajay in barest fractions. And when he finally has to break that kiss for air he keeps his head bowed down, speaking close to Ajay's ear. ]

My Ajay. My sweet boy. You're so good. Like this - [ and he moves a little more now, the slide of his cock into the tight haven of Ajay's body irresistible ] - and in my bed, at my table, by my side. I adore you.

[vaaris]

[ it's a wonderful kind of torture. pagan is barely moving, but every little roll of his hips grinds the head of his cock right against that perfect spot in ajay. and when he pairs it with the low husk of his voice in ajay's ear, possession and praise all wrapped up into one? ajay whines with what it does to him, the flush of heat through his system that takes every sensation and amps it right up to eleven. he's drunk off it, not even knowing if pagan realizes what it does to him, not caring. ]

Tell me -- [ still stumbling over the words, but there's an urgent need to get them out that presses past the shyness. and he gasps as pagan draws his hips back a little further on that next thrust, eyes going dark and briefly unfocused as that pleasure sings through him. he reaches out blindly, clutching at pagan's wrist with one hand almost imploringly, like the contact will help him listen. ] Say --

[ a frustrated little sound, and he licks his lips. ] Again, I want to hear --

[vacabdication]

[ Beautiful. Ajay clutches at him, clings to his wrist like it's a lifeline and Pagan wants that. Wants to be that for Ajay, always, welcoming and safe. He moves with a little more intent, feeling the way Ajay reacts to it, heat sparking in his own body in response and stoking the pleasure of that sweet slide into something greater - makes an ocean of them, bottomless and swirling, sweeping him out beyond where he has any hope of control. ]

My bold, brave, wonderful boy. I love you.

[vaaris]

Oh.

[ it's not even remotely the way you're supposed to respond to that, but fuck. it's a senseless thing, knocked out of him like the breath after a punch, and he's scarcely even aware of it. there's a heartbeat where he's still, overwhelmed and dizzy -- and then he comes alive again like something voracious, dragging pagan back down to him for another greedy kiss.

it doesn't last because the way pagan is moving in him has him panting, but freeing up his mouth again only means that he can speak. ] I love you. I love you.

[ he thought it would feel terrifying to say. dangerous, like admitting to something he shouldn't, something capable of smashing this thing between them like a hammer brought to glass. ] Yours, make me yours. I want it so fucking bad.

[vacabdication]

[ He would have thought that moment in which Ajay goes still would make him panic. There's no hint of it, though; he feels so connected to Ajay that saying it and hearing it back feels so normal that it's almost expected. It's still beautiful. Precious, unimaginably so, but as natural as the sun rising.

Still. It does have him skating closer to the edge, especially when Ajay demands Pagan make him his, and he moans with it and moves deeper. ]

Yes. Mine. And I, yours. Always.

[ Close, he's so close - too close, really, because he reaches down to wrap a hand around Ajay's dick in an effort to bring him along and just that - the feel of Ajay hot and hard and wet with precome in his hand - pushes him over, until his voice is nothing but a ragged cry of Ajay's name as his vision kaleidoscopes with pleasure. ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay doesn't even realize how close he is until pagan reaches down to take him in his hand -- but that goes through him like an electric shock, spine arching and hips rutting senselessly forward into the older man's hand. it's good, it's good, it's perfect; pagan buried so wonderfully deep inside him, pagan's fingers stroking his cock, pagan's voice crying out the sound of his name.

the combined force of all of it is enough to rocket ajay over the edge before he's scarcely even aware it's there. he comes so hard that it's enough to make the edges of his vision blur, toes curling and muscles straining as his body wrings itself out. his voice breaks around the sound of pagan's name, forgetting entirely why he ever thought there was any need to be quiet --

and once it's over? the table is a godsend, because the afterglow that floods into him makes him a boneless creature of contentment. it's rare that he forgets the very real danger of stroking an ego as enormous as pagan min's, but. ] Wow.

[vacabdication]

[ Well, that's a relief. It would be a shame to leave him hanging after all of that. Still, it's intense - the feeling of Ajay clenching around him seems to draw it all out, wringing every last bit of feeling from him, and when Ajay puddles against the table Pagan drapes himself over his back. Panting with it, weak, though he still manages a laugh. ]

Wow indeed. You beautiful thing.

[vaaris]

[ now is the usual time for shyness, for eyeballing his behavior from just a few moments ago and recoiling with embarrassment, but. he still feels wonderfully intoxicated by i love you, and it's enough to make him bold. ]

Say it again. [ it's impossible to twist to kiss pagan with the other man draped over his back, but ajay likes having the weight of him there to much to protest. so he tugs one of the man's hands to him instead, pressing an open-mouthed little kiss to his knuckles. ] What you said before.