never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vacabdication]

[ Beautiful. Ajay clutches at him, clings to his wrist like it's a lifeline and Pagan wants that. Wants to be that for Ajay, always, welcoming and safe. He moves with a little more intent, feeling the way Ajay reacts to it, heat sparking in his own body in response and stoking the pleasure of that sweet slide into something greater - makes an ocean of them, bottomless and swirling, sweeping him out beyond where he has any hope of control. ]

My bold, brave, wonderful boy. I love you.

[vaaris]

Oh.

[ it's not even remotely the way you're supposed to respond to that, but fuck. it's a senseless thing, knocked out of him like the breath after a punch, and he's scarcely even aware of it. there's a heartbeat where he's still, overwhelmed and dizzy -- and then he comes alive again like something voracious, dragging pagan back down to him for another greedy kiss.

it doesn't last because the way pagan is moving in him has him panting, but freeing up his mouth again only means that he can speak. ] I love you. I love you.

[ he thought it would feel terrifying to say. dangerous, like admitting to something he shouldn't, something capable of smashing this thing between them like a hammer brought to glass. ] Yours, make me yours. I want it so fucking bad.

[vacabdication]

[ He would have thought that moment in which Ajay goes still would make him panic. There's no hint of it, though; he feels so connected to Ajay that saying it and hearing it back feels so normal that it's almost expected. It's still beautiful. Precious, unimaginably so, but as natural as the sun rising.

Still. It does have him skating closer to the edge, especially when Ajay demands Pagan make him his, and he moans with it and moves deeper. ]

Yes. Mine. And I, yours. Always.

[ Close, he's so close - too close, really, because he reaches down to wrap a hand around Ajay's dick in an effort to bring him along and just that - the feel of Ajay hot and hard and wet with precome in his hand - pushes him over, until his voice is nothing but a ragged cry of Ajay's name as his vision kaleidoscopes with pleasure. ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay doesn't even realize how close he is until pagan reaches down to take him in his hand -- but that goes through him like an electric shock, spine arching and hips rutting senselessly forward into the older man's hand. it's good, it's good, it's perfect; pagan buried so wonderfully deep inside him, pagan's fingers stroking his cock, pagan's voice crying out the sound of his name.

the combined force of all of it is enough to rocket ajay over the edge before he's scarcely even aware it's there. he comes so hard that it's enough to make the edges of his vision blur, toes curling and muscles straining as his body wrings itself out. his voice breaks around the sound of pagan's name, forgetting entirely why he ever thought there was any need to be quiet --

and once it's over? the table is a godsend, because the afterglow that floods into him makes him a boneless creature of contentment. it's rare that he forgets the very real danger of stroking an ego as enormous as pagan min's, but. ] Wow.

[vacabdication]

[ Well, that's a relief. It would be a shame to leave him hanging after all of that. Still, it's intense - the feeling of Ajay clenching around him seems to draw it all out, wringing every last bit of feeling from him, and when Ajay puddles against the table Pagan drapes himself over his back. Panting with it, weak, though he still manages a laugh. ]

Wow indeed. You beautiful thing.

[vaaris]

[ now is the usual time for shyness, for eyeballing his behavior from just a few moments ago and recoiling with embarrassment, but. he still feels wonderfully intoxicated by i love you, and it's enough to make him bold. ]

Say it again. [ it's impossible to twist to kiss pagan with the other man draped over his back, but ajay likes having the weight of him there to much to protest. so he tugs one of the man's hands to him instead, pressing an open-mouthed little kiss to his knuckles. ] What you said before.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan chuckles at that, the easy insistence of it that implies Ajay knows he's entitled to it, the kiss to his hand as if he's a fair maiden. So he twists his hand until he can lace his fingers through Ajay's warm and gentle, and squeezes. ]

I love you.

I should have said it weeks ago. I love you.

[vaaris]

[ he sighs out a little pleased sound, luxuriating in the sound of the words. now that they're out in the air between them, it seems ridiculous that he was ever scared of the idea -- that he could have ever doubted that pagan would feel the same, that there would be anything to greet him but this warm, safe affection that only longs to wrap him up and treasure him. ]

You gotta make it up to me, I guess. [ returning that squeeze with one of his own, the edges of his mouth tugging up into a smile. ] With interest.

[vacabdication]

A challenge I am more than willing to accept.

[ And it's warm, all threaded through with adoration, pleased at the answering squeeze from Ajay's hand and the sound of the smile in his voice. He turns his face toward Ajay's, unable to kiss his mouth like this but certainly able to pepper kisses over what he can reach. ]

Thank you, Ajay. For coming back. For staying. I thought I had it all planned out, and you changed everything for the better.

[vaaris]

Don't thank me for that.

[ but it's not much of an admonishment. his voice is too warm with affection and too lax with contentment -- the cool of the table against his front is a nice contrast to the heavy warmth of pagan against his back, and while it doesn't come close to the ridiculous lavishness of their bed? it's nice. ]

It felt like I got -- [ a pause, hesitating as he tries to find the right word for it. ] -- lost, I guess, when I was out there. I don't know who I was, but it wasn't me.

This is me. Here. With you.

[vacabdication]

Well. I'm glad, then.

[ And he's going to have to move soon, because the fact that he's shorter than Ajay is makes the position less than ideal, but just one more flurry of kisses, one more squeeze of their hands. ]

When I'm with you I'm a better man than I was capable of being. It scared me at first, I'll admit. But now... I'm coming around to the idea.

[vaaris]

If only the Golden Path realized the power of my corrupting influences earlier. [ it's a teasing thing, the pad of his thumb skating over the back of pagan's hand. ] They'd have left me right where I was.

[ but...

fuck. he doesn't want to ruin the mood, but the mention of the golden path is enough to have the memory of the whole mess with sabal bearing down on him again. he should have told pagan about it earlier -- and while some part of him still wants to bury it, he also doesn't want to spoil this with a secret rotting between them.

so he shifts a little, nudging pagan to roll off so he can look him properly in the eyes. ] ... I need to tell you something.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan was literally just thinking how he needed to move, but now that Ajay is urging him to do so he's reluctant. Still, he obeys, pulling out with a little sound of loss despite being almost entirely soft by now. I need to tell you something is... never good, in his experience, but there's enough of that warm glow on him to stop him from panicking. He laces his fingers through Ajay's again once he's resettled, almost insistent. ]

I'm here.

[vaaris]

[ oh. there's something trusting in the gesture of lacing their hands together again, something patient and willing to listen, and fuck. it shouldn't inspire the stupid swell of affection in ajay that it does, but he doesn't even bother fighting it. instead, he rearranges himself until he's able to tuck up against pagan, unable to resist the desire for more of that contact. ]

Okay, first of all, it's... not a big deal.

[ he's not entirely sure he believes that, but treading lightly seems wise here. ] You remember Sabal, right?

[vacabdication]

[ Ajay tucks himself in close and Pagan's chest aches with the force of love he feels -

and then Ajay says Sabal, and Pagan Pagan's eyes widen briefly in sudden recollection. Fucking hell, how did he forget? He knows he has to ruin it. He must, right? He could pretend, but is Ajay finds out...

He takes a breath, squeezes Ajay's hand. ]

Perhaps I should go first.

[vaaris]

[ okay, that's not what he was expecting.

and the shock of it is enough to prompt ajay into sitting up again, squinting at pagan with genuine confusion. ]

You?

[vacabdication]

Mm.

[ He hums noncommittally, not really relishing what comes next - he knows Ajay is going to be cross. Still, better cross than so angry over being lied to that he leaves, so. ]

I... heard a rumor that Sabal chased you out of an outpost yelling something vile. Put that together with the tense mood when you arrived and that unfortunate night when I pushed my luck and woke you up in a fright, and decided I needed to have a chat with him.

[ Okay. Time for the hard part. ]

He's tied to a chair in the next room.

[vaaris]

[ ajay opens his mouth. ]

...

[ closes it.

takes a long moment to attempt to digest that, and fails utterly. ] You what.

[vacabdication]

In my defense, I only wanted to distract you enough to make sure you wouldn't walk in there. And yes, maybe I thought a little flirting would be fitting punishment if he overheard it, but...

[ He shrugs. There's really no saving face here. He might as well be honest. ]

I got distracted.

[vaaris]

[ actually, ajay had been so preoccupied with the thought of pagan dragging sabal up to the palace and tying him to a chair that he's almost entirely forgotten what they just did. on this table. in this room. with sabal in earshot. but thanks, that was a great reminder, and now he has that to contend with on top of everything else.

he's letting go of pagan's hand so that he can press his fingers to his forehead, breathing out a long exhale through his nose. ]

... did anyone get hurt when you brought him here? [ in a voice that's perfectly measured, absolutely even. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Is that the sound of someone with a gag in their mouth yelling in the next room, or is Pagan imagining it? Hilariously, considering his position and his extensive history of drug use, Pagan has never really been prone to paranoia. This would be a horrible time to start. ]

No! Well. Nobody died. His nose did look a touch broken, I'll admit.

[ He broke it. Which is an indication of just how angry he was; he doesn't like to get his hands dirty, as a rule. ]

[vaaris]

[ okay.

well.

that's something.

and ajay breathes out again before he drops his hands away from his face, leaning forward to take the other man's face in his palms. ]

I love you. [ leaning forward, stealing a little peck off his mouth. ] And that's why I'm going to go take a shower and you're going to make sure someone puts him back, because you know it'd break my heart to have to shoot you.

[vacabdication]

[ Listen, the fact that Pagan perks up when Ajay says he's going to take a shower as if he thinks he's going to get to go too is just force of habit. Like he said, distracted! But he values that kiss, and the fact that Ajay is still willing to say that he loves him, so he settles back against the table from the hopeful way he rises with what might be the trace of a pout, if pouting wasn't such an unkingly thing to do. ]

Just tell me he didn't hurt you. I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself, but I need to hear it from you. Then I can turn him loose with a clear conscience and my very best wishes for his future.

[vaaris]

He didn't.

[ it's a strange thing to feel tender about, but he does. enough so that he edges back in for another kiss, still close-mouthed but lingering. ]

And if you make quick enough work of him -- [ there's almost a hint of playfulness here. ] I'll let you take me back to bed and make me forget all about him.

[vacabdication]

[ Now there's an offer. He sits up properly, catches Ajay's hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss it slow and soft. ]

He'll be back to his wretched little life within the hour. I'll even send him with royal guard to stop any bright sparks in the army trying to stuff a grenade in him on the way out.

[ And he's just on the verge of yelling for Gary when he remembers the state they're both in, so he thinks better of it and taps out a message on his phone instead. ]