never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ actually, ajay had been so preoccupied with the thought of pagan dragging sabal up to the palace and tying him to a chair that he's almost entirely forgotten what they just did. on this table. in this room. with sabal in earshot. but thanks, that was a great reminder, and now he has that to contend with on top of everything else.

he's letting go of pagan's hand so that he can press his fingers to his forehead, breathing out a long exhale through his nose. ]

... did anyone get hurt when you brought him here? [ in a voice that's perfectly measured, absolutely even. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Is that the sound of someone with a gag in their mouth yelling in the next room, or is Pagan imagining it? Hilariously, considering his position and his extensive history of drug use, Pagan has never really been prone to paranoia. This would be a horrible time to start. ]

No! Well. Nobody died. His nose did look a touch broken, I'll admit.

[ He broke it. Which is an indication of just how angry he was; he doesn't like to get his hands dirty, as a rule. ]

[vaaris]

[ okay.

well.

that's something.

and ajay breathes out again before he drops his hands away from his face, leaning forward to take the other man's face in his palms. ]

I love you. [ leaning forward, stealing a little peck off his mouth. ] And that's why I'm going to go take a shower and you're going to make sure someone puts him back, because you know it'd break my heart to have to shoot you.

[vacabdication]

[ Listen, the fact that Pagan perks up when Ajay says he's going to take a shower as if he thinks he's going to get to go too is just force of habit. Like he said, distracted! But he values that kiss, and the fact that Ajay is still willing to say that he loves him, so he settles back against the table from the hopeful way he rises with what might be the trace of a pout, if pouting wasn't such an unkingly thing to do. ]

Just tell me he didn't hurt you. I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself, but I need to hear it from you. Then I can turn him loose with a clear conscience and my very best wishes for his future.

[vaaris]

He didn't.

[ it's a strange thing to feel tender about, but he does. enough so that he edges back in for another kiss, still close-mouthed but lingering. ]

And if you make quick enough work of him -- [ there's almost a hint of playfulness here. ] I'll let you take me back to bed and make me forget all about him.

[vacabdication]

[ Now there's an offer. He sits up properly, catches Ajay's hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss it slow and soft. ]

He'll be back to his wretched little life within the hour. I'll even send him with royal guard to stop any bright sparks in the army trying to stuff a grenade in him on the way out.

[ And he's just on the verge of yelling for Gary when he remembers the state they're both in, so he thinks better of it and taps out a message on his phone instead. ]

[vaaris]

[ there's a certain thrill in knowing he's the only person breathing who can get away with what he's about to do, so. ajay takes a moment to pull on his jeans and shirt while pagan taps out that message on his phone, and then reaches out to ruffle the older man's hair as if the ages between them have swapped. ]

Good boy.

[ and then he's out.

he was serious about the shower -- and that's where he beelines, because being sticky stops being sexy about 10 seconds after an orgasm. ]

[vacabdication]

[ What

the fuck

Ajay ruffles his hair, which is charmingly cocky, but then he says good boy with absolute confidence and Pagan is entirely unprepared for the effect it has on him. So he tidies himself up as best he can while Ajay leaves, and opens the door into the next room. Sabal, predictably, is still there, eyes blazing, and Pagan flashes him his most charming smile. ]

Ajay Ghale just saved your life. I suggest you remember that, because if you touch him again I won't have you brought here, and I won't have you questioned. I'll have you hogtied and thrown to demonfish before Ajay even thinks to ask me not to.

Ta-ta.

[ And he leaves as quickly as he can whilst still trying to appear collected, just until he's out of Sabal's line of sight. He actually passes Gary with two fully-uniformed and armed royal guard as he goes, but only spares them a brief nod, because his aim is to get to Ajay as fast as possible. When he does, he lets himself into the bathroom and holds his phone up to the outside of the shower door, displaying Gary's message confirming orders. ]

All done. Forgiven?

[vaaris]

[ pagan has superb timing, because ajay ghale is currently squinting at the cantonese script on the bottle of wrinkly dick wash as if he's trying to decide whether it's something he actually wants to use. he never has figured out which one of these is the one with cocaine in it, and --

he jumps at the sound of the other man's voice outside the shower door.

but it probably says plenty about the level of trust when he doesn't even bother to glance at the phone screen, nudging open the shower door with a little grin that speaks of clear invitation. ]

Maybe. [ he's absolutely forgiven. sabal deserved a broken nose, and ajay has had a bit of time to reflect on the fact that if the tables had turned, if someone had tried to hurt pagan? he would have tied them up in the jungle, drawn just enough blood to attract the local wildlife, and then sat back to enjoy the show. really, maybe pagan deserves a kiss for restraint. ] I think I'd have more fun watching you try to earn it.

[vacabdication]

Only watch?

[ But he grins, lobs his phone in the general direction of a stack of towels and strips off to join Ajay in the shower. Just in the nick of time, too - he shifts Yuma's so-funny bottle to the back of the shelf as he leans in to give Ajay a kiss. ]

Not that one, my dear. Never that one.

[vaaris]

[ there's no real loss as pagan sorts the bottle neatly away from him -- even though the fact that he's just been told no only makes it that much more appealing. there's no reason one person requires this many bottles of such-and-such; he used to get by just fine on one of those generic 2-and-1 soap and shampoo brands, but he has a feeling pagan might have it summarily executed just for daring to exist.

but the kiss gets met with a little hum, and he's already ducking in for another. ]

You know how often you do that? "My." "Mine."

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan runs his fingers along the bottles until he finally plucks out a favourite - sandalwood, in his opinion very sexy and masculine without being aggressive or Axe-y - and steals another kiss off Ajay's lips. ]

Do I? Must have been wishful thinking. What do you know, maybe The fucking Secret works.

[vaaris]

[ that gets a laugh, because the idea of pagan min holing himself up in his palace to read the secret while the golden path stormily plots his destruction is... well, amazing. the absolute apathy with which pagan seems to view the golden path and their machinations was something of a shock to ajay when he first stumbled into the palace, but now? it's almost like an odd inside joke.

and there's something nice about the way pagan picks something out for him -- it's the same kind of indulgent fussing pagan shows when he's trying to coax ajay into a nicer pair of boots or a wamer jacket, and... sometimes (sometimes) ajay likes it. likes that someone cares enough to want to fuss, likes the practical reminders of pagan's affection. ]

I like it. [ honestly, warmly. ] It makes me feel...

[ treasured? like something worthy of being possessed, a jewel pagan has fought to claim as his own. ] ... like you know where I belong.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh. The only thing better than Ajay laughing at his jokes is Ajay being open and unguarded with him, and now he gets both? Wonderful. So he hums his agreement, Picks Ajay's hand up one more time and presses it to his chest, over his heart. ]

Right here.

[ And he step in closer, so their bodies are pressed together in a close line, feeling the warmth of Ajay's skin even under the heat of the shower. ]

I like that you like it. I like that when you realized you were free to choose, you chose me.

[vaaris]

[ it's such a tender thing, and the surge of affection it sparks it ajay is almost fierce in response. he ducks down to press a kiss to the other man's mouth. even when he pulls away, he doesn't go far -- stays close enough to press their foreheads together and curling his free hand around the nape of pagan's neck. ]

Guess that means I don't have to ask if it's okay that I stick around for awhile. [ like he's ever really doubted the answer, but still. ] Pretty sure my days of being a Golden Path celebrity just crashed and burned.

[vacabdication]

Whereas your days of being a celebrity here are at the mere beginning of their burdensome eternity.

[ It's meant to be a joke, but some of the effect is lost with how absolutely delighted Pagan sounds about it. It's good that Ajay wants to stay, even better that he knows he doesn't have to ask, and so Pagan tips his face up just enough to turn that tender loop Ajay makes of them into a kiss. ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay is more that happy to answer that kiss, even though the idea of his celebrity at the palace is enough to make him want to groan and go languishing into the corner. but... the idea of staying? having a safe place to sleep at night, warm meals and hot baths whenever he wants them? and best of all, this -- someone who loves him and wants him here, someone who simply wants to adore him. ]

Home sweet home. [ murmured right up against pagan's mouth, marked by a little grin. ]

[vacabdication]

Home.

[ There's an ache in the way he says it. For a very long time no matter how lushly comfortable he's tried to make the palace, full of silks and cozy fine wool and piles of cushions to fall into, it's still felt more like a fortress. It's Ajay's presence here that had it feeling like a home again, and the thought of that being a more permanent thing is heartbreakingly good. He grabs a quick pump of that sandalwood bodywash, starts smoothing ti over Ajay's body, and it's less about cleaning him off that in is about inviting him in - a slow reverence in his hands as they pass over his skin, loving, adoring. ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay hmms a low sound as pagan starts lathering his skin with that bodywash, more than content to stand still and let him. there's a quiet sort of devotion in this, and he craves it -- how long has it been since someone wanted nothing more than to take care of him? (how long since he was comfortable enough to surrender and let them?) ]

They might retaliate. [ because it's a nagging thought that he can't quite shake off. but the tone is more contemplative than worried; not much he can do about it now. ] Sabal isn't the type to take that and not bite back.

[vacabdication]

Well, if somebody wasn't both the light of my life and the closest thing I have to a moral compass, that wouldn't be an issue right now.

[ But it's light, teasing, because as much as a pain in the ass as this might prove to be he's glad for the way Ajay's changing him. There have been times in his life where he hasn't even felt like a person and here Ajay is, building him back into not just a person but something that, if seen in low light and from the right angle, might be mistaken for a good one. ]

He might have caused the odd problem out there, but he's used to dealing with the army. We save the Royal Guard for the bigger threats. Like you. Also, I must point out, here in the palace with me. He will try something, and we'll be ready for him, and he will fail.

[vaaris]

[ it's reassuring. ajay isn't honestly worried about himself -- he's gotten out of worse scrapes, and honestly? the likes of yuma lau still scares him more than sabal ever can. at least sabal is too direct to be conniving, especially when he's pissed. if he tries something, it'll be a show of force, and ajay doesn't doubt that he can ride it out.

but he's not used to protecting someone. not like this, not where the idea of someone hurting pagan makes ajay feel like he's got thorns crisscrossed over his chest. painful with every inhale, hooking themselves in deep.

but pagan sounds calm, and that helps. as if he and ajay seeing the other side of every storm is inevitable. and ajay is willing to leech off that confidence to fill in the places where his own is lacking. they'll be fine. and if someone does break in here? they'll have hell to pay, ajay will see to that personally. ]

I feel like... [ a pause, trying to summon up the reference from what he remembers of history lessons in school. ] What was her name? Helen of Troy?

[ a snort. ] Less pretty, still managing to piss people off.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan laughs at that, full-throated and charmed. He hadn't expected historical references out of Ajay, but it's a delight to hear. ]

I might argue with you about prettiness, but you do share having an alleged divine parent. Though I suppose just how flattering this comparison is for me rather depends on the storyteller.

[ And he's not going to work up a full head of steam on this, honestly! He's not here to bore Ajay - which is why he lets his hands settle on the firm cheeks of Ajay's ass, like he can anchor himself to what's really important. ]

In Homer's telling of it, Helen was very young and confused when she was given to King Menelaus, and wanted to be reunited with him after that prettyboy Paris stole her away. And they were together again, after it all. A rare happy ending from the Greeks.

[vaaris]

[ okay, now that pagan spins the whole thing out, the story actually sounds way more like --

... something ajay is way to fucking smart to comment on. ]

Do you think we'll get one? [ he hooks his chin on pagan's shoulder, leaning into him a little more. ] A happy ending.

[ neither one of them probably deserve it, but. ]

[vacabdication]

I could give you a happy ending right here, given about three minutes and sufficient focus.

[ He waggles his eyebrows, making a joke of it, because happy endings haven't featured predominantly in his life. Ajay being here now feels like the closest he'll get, and more than he deserves; one last, great love before he reaches old age. But if he can make it permanent - if he can make Ajay stay - then he'll die happy, and until then he'll devote every waking moment to making sure Ajay is happy too.

The thought hits him with a lot more force than he was prepared for, sticks in his throat like a bite of poisoned apple for how impossible it seems, and he's suddenly quite glad Ajay is leaning on his shoulder and can't see his face. ]

I don't know. But you've certainly given me a happier now than I ever would have thought possible.

[vaaris]

[ that gets a snort, leaning in to press a kiss affectionately to pagan's cheek. ]

Yeah, right. You'll slip, break your hip, and then I'll make fun of you for having to use a walker.

[ but -- oh. a happy now.

he likes that, likes that it seems like something he has more control over than some vague future. he'll work hard at what he has, and if he does well enough? maybe it'll bleed over into a happy tomorrow, natural as that. ]

... me too. I didn't think I deserved to be this happy, but... [ a little huff of breath. ] If it was a mistake, I don't want to give it back.