never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ okay, now that pagan spins the whole thing out, the story actually sounds way more like --

... something ajay is way to fucking smart to comment on. ]

Do you think we'll get one? [ he hooks his chin on pagan's shoulder, leaning into him a little more. ] A happy ending.

[ neither one of them probably deserve it, but. ]

[vacabdication]

I could give you a happy ending right here, given about three minutes and sufficient focus.

[ He waggles his eyebrows, making a joke of it, because happy endings haven't featured predominantly in his life. Ajay being here now feels like the closest he'll get, and more than he deserves; one last, great love before he reaches old age. But if he can make it permanent - if he can make Ajay stay - then he'll die happy, and until then he'll devote every waking moment to making sure Ajay is happy too.

The thought hits him with a lot more force than he was prepared for, sticks in his throat like a bite of poisoned apple for how impossible it seems, and he's suddenly quite glad Ajay is leaning on his shoulder and can't see his face. ]

I don't know. But you've certainly given me a happier now than I ever would have thought possible.

[vaaris]

[ that gets a snort, leaning in to press a kiss affectionately to pagan's cheek. ]

Yeah, right. You'll slip, break your hip, and then I'll make fun of you for having to use a walker.

[ but -- oh. a happy now.

he likes that, likes that it seems like something he has more control over than some vague future. he'll work hard at what he has, and if he does well enough? maybe it'll bleed over into a happy tomorrow, natural as that. ]

... me too. I didn't think I deserved to be this happy, but... [ a little huff of breath. ] If it was a mistake, I don't want to give it back.

[vacabdication]

[ It's perfect. Ajay makes that crack about Pagan breaking his hip, which sends some of the building melancholy hissing out of him like a pressure valve, and then says that, and it's precisely what he needed to hear. He's not really in a position to make promises - he can promise to love Ajay, to do what he can to keep him safe and cared for, but everything he can offer is only within his power so far as Ajay is willing to let it be. But snatching this happiness together with both hands, claiming it for themselves? That feels perfectly doable.

He lifts his hands from Ajay's ass, finally, buries them in his wet hair and pulls him into a kiss that's deep, searching, and full of love. ]

Don't. Cling to it. And as long as you're here with me, I'll do everything I can to make sure you're still happy. Let me take care of you the only way I know how.

[vaaris]

[ ah. that kiss is good the same way it always is, full of heat but also of so much love that ajay can feel it all the way down to his toes. so much that he's smiling by the time pagan pulls away again -- it's hard to dwell on bad thoughts when he's with someone who knows how to make him feel like that. ]

Ridiculous spending and a whole lot of sex? [ with another kiss, almost playful this time, catching pagan's lower lip in his teeth and tugging. ]

[vacabdication]

Exactly.

[ He's grinning, pleased Ajay responded so instantly, but it inspires him. He likes to think he'd done a good job down in the meeting room, but it had still been very much about his ego to begin with. And so close on the heels of something that must have made him feel dirty, used -

Pagan can't undo what happened. All he can do is wrap Ajay up in his own adoration, let him know how safe and cherished he is here, that there isn't a single thing about him too secret or dirty for Pagan to love. And Ajay's taught him very well how to demonstrate that, hasn't he? ]

Here. Turn around.

[ And he puts a hand on Ajay's shoulder and one on his hip, guiding him before he goes to his knees behind him. ]

[vaaris]

What --

[ but before he can really protest, he's being turned towards the shower wall. it's enough to prompt a ???, but one look behind him is all he needs to see pagan dropping down to his knees, and. oh.

oh.

it's entirely pointless to blush like a virgin when 1) he's just been fucked over a table with a secret audience and 2) he knows damn well where pagan's inspiration came from. still! he feels the heat flood up from the nape of his neck and into his face, and he shifts away shyly. ]

Wait -- [ he's more than comfortable doing this, but pagan's never shown the slightest interest in reciprocating. which iss more than fine -- he puts his mouth to use in a hundred other ways that feel wonderful -- but... now? ] Seriously, it's -- You don't have to.

[vacabdication]

I know, darling boy. I know I don't have to. It would be a lot less appealing if I thought I did.

[ And that's true, too. Ajay's always been so willing to take Pagan as he is, never pressuring, never poking at him to change. Even when it comes to fixing Kyrat, Ajay doesn't demand from him. He just leads by example, beautiful and driven, and makes Pagan want to come along for the ride.

And really, he's had an awful lot of firsts with Ajay. It makes him hungry for another. ]

I want to. May I?

[vaaris]

[ god. admittedly, just the thought that pagan wants to do this for him is enough to make the heat bloom in ajay's belly all over again; he's always been more than happy with their relationship the way it is, willing to happily take whatever he's given, but. that doesn't mean he's never thought about it.

and after another moment of hesitation, he manages a little nod, turning away to brace himself on the shower wall before he backs down from the whole thing entirely. ]

[vacabdication]

[ The urge strikes him to say thanks, but he has the distinct feeling that that might make Ajay lose his nerve entirely. He's always so concerned with pleasing people that it's too easy to imagine him shying away. So pagan puts it into a little kiss instead, pressed against the swell of Ajay's ass, and presses in.

It's.. fine. He tastes of lube and of Pagan, and that by itself is exciting to him, so he does it again, swiping the flat of his tongue over Ajay's hole and giving a quiet hum as he does. ]

[vaaris]

[ he's so wound up that even that little kiss is enough to make him jolt, bracing himself with one hand on the wall of the shower to keep from slipping his feet out from under him. but then he exhales a breathless little laugh at his own nerves, prepared to make some kind of joke --

and pagan slides the flat of his tongue right up against him.

ajay moans before he can help it, rocking himself back just a little into that touch. the idea of pagan doing this for him is almost as overwhelming as how good it feels; the heat in him is a sizzling, eager thing, already enough to boil his blood. ] Pagan.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, that's enough. That's more than enough. Ajay presses back against him, says his name like that, and suddenly all Pagan wants is to lave his tongue against him until every trace of himself and the lube is gone, until all he can taste is Ajay. So he does it again - grips the cheeks of Ajay's ass in his his hands and spreads them gently apart so he can get in closer, deeper, so he can try and draw that reaction out again. ]

[vaaris]

Oh, fuck.

[ it's almost senseless, because the way pagan spreads him open and goes diving enthusiastically in is enough to make ajay's brain sizzle. almost on instinct, he spreads his legs a little further and cants his hips back, trying to make it easier, trying to offer himself up on the proverbial silver platter. ]

That's so good -- Yeah, yes --

[vacabdication]

[ He can't answer, of course. If he could, he'd tell Ajay that he deserves it. That Pagan would have done it much sooner if he'd known Ajay would sound like this, if he's offer himself up so sweetly, if knowing it was all for him would feel so good -

but he can't, so he just keeps it up. Presses with the tip of his tongue until he feels that little knot of resistance give, until Ajay lets him in, and wonders if he'll have to work harder for it next time when he hasn't fucked Ajay open first. ]

[vaaris]

[ pagan presses his tongue in, and ajay doesn't react fast enough to stifle the little cry that gets torn out of him. it's good, a brilliant spark of pleasure made even brighter by the knowledge of what pagan is doing to him, and fuck. ]

Yes -- please, please, Pagan, fuck --

[ trying to rock back against him, greedy for more when it feels this good. ]

[vacabdication]

[ It's clear Ajay wants more from the way he presses back, from the sound he makes, so more he gets! It's... intoxicating, almost, to have Ajay react like this because of what he's doing. You might think he'd have known from how good it feels when Ajay does it for him, but this? It's dazzling, and he whines out a moan against Ajay's skin before he realizes what he's doing. For all Ajay's teasing about old men and recovery times Pagan is hard again, and he drops one of his hands to wrap it around Ajay's thigh, clinging to him like he's worried he'll fall if he doesn't. ]

[vaaris]

[ more gets another one of those husky moans, ajay's head dropping forward as the fresh wave of sensation goes sizzling up his spine. it's good -- he's never had anyone else do this for him, and even if he had? it's hard to imagine that he'd like it half this much. it's something about the fact that it's pagan that does it for him; takes all those good feelings and sets them on fire, until it feels like he's going to go up in the resulting blaze. ]

Fuck, I want -- I need --

[ a little whine when he stumbles over the words, as frustrated as ever at his inability to just spit it out. ] You. Inside me. It f-feels -- haah -- so empty when you're not --

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, fuck. It always sets Pagan alight when Ajay just says it like that, telling Pagan outright what he wants, and this is no different. One more press of his tongue, then, as he groans out his need against Ajay's skin.

When he rises, it's slow. He can't resist the urge to kiss a path up over Ajay's back, finally coming to rest pressing something slow and tender against his shoulder as one searching finger slips inside him, and - oh. Oh. ]

You're still ready. Looks like I didn't do as good a job of cleaning you up as I planned.

[vaaris]

[ he groans when pagan presses that finger into him, rolling his hips back greedily in the hope of getting more. everything in him feels over-primed and sensitive after that treatment; the need in him is an ache at the pit of his belly, like he's been days without a proper meal. ]

Doesn't matter. [ twisting a little, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against pagan's cheek in the hopes of getting him to tip his chin up for a proper one. ] You're just gonna come inside me again. That's what I want.

[vacabdication]

That I am. I suppose you have a point.

[ And he tips his face up for that kiss, opening greedily for Ajay's mouth as he twists that finger -

but that's not what Ajay wants, is it? And not what Pagan wants either, not now, not with the knowledge of how much Ajay wants him fizzing through his veins, making him feel alive. So he shifts close, guides his dick to the cleft of Ajay's ass where his mouth had been and presses, the pleasure of it escaping him in a low rumble. ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay whines a needy little noise when pagan pulls his finger free, but before he can protest properly? the other man replaces it with the head of his cock, presses in, and oh. ]

Pagan, fuck --

[ it's the sort of long, slow slide that makes ajay feel like he's drowning in sensation; he tips his head back and moans with it, rolling his hips back greedily just to encourage more. it's good -- made even better by the way pagan fucked him earlier, because everything is just that much more sensitive. ]

[vacabdication]

[ God, it's good, but once he's in? Pagan doesn't move. Maybe it's that he wants this just to be about Ajay, maybe he only wants to take his time, maybe it's that crack about breaking his hip (it's 20% the crack about his hip) but he just nestles in as close as he can like this, when they're both standing, tips his head to he can bury a kiss against the side of Ajay's neck, and slips his hands down Ajay's body. Slow, slow - one tracing out the swell and dip of the muscles on his abdomen and the rise of his hip, the other curling almost gently around his cock to stroke him slow. ]

You're beautiful.

[vaaris]

[ fuck. it's so good to have pagan buried to the hilt inside him that for a few moments, that's more than enough. he lets his head drop forward, unable to focus on anything but the uneven rhythm of his own breathing and of pagan behind him -- the heat of his body, that warm kiss, the throb where he's pressed deep inside. they're connected, wonderfully so, and it's impossible not to be overwhelmed by that all-encompassing sense of right. as if this were the way the universe configured them to be, as if being apart is unnatural and being together is how they were intended.

but.

it's around then that ajay realizes that pagan is just standing still, and the hand that wraps itself around his cock isn't proper compensation for what he's aching for. he makes an impatient sound, trying to rock his hips back and puffing out a frustrated breath when he doesn't have the right leverage for it. ] Pagan --

C'mon, you know what I want.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan laughs at that, low and warm, keeps his hand stroking over Ajay's dick and presses tight under the head. ]

I do. I'm being selfish. I just love being right here. Inside you. Sometimes I think it's a shame we can't always be like this. Me inside you, or you inside me. Safe and close. One.

[ Which is true, all true - but he's also teasing Ajay, and the notes of that weave into his voice as he keeps that hand moving over Ajay's cock. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's his own thoughts, echoed back to him so perfectly that his stomach does a little startled twist -- but no, there's no fucking way pagan min can read minds. (if he could, he'd spend so much time sulking about all the ancient and decrepit jokes ajay makes in his head that they'd probably never have sex again.) ]

Yeah, I -- [ a little breathless, just as much from the intoxicating quality of those words as he is from pagan inside him. ] It's never been this way before. For me. With anyone else.

[ the admission makes his stomach twist with that familiar shyness, but he presses it just a little further. ] I crave you.