never been a better time than this

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ he sighs out a little pleased sound, luxuriating in the sound of the words. now that they're out in the air between them, it seems ridiculous that he was ever scared of the idea -- that he could have ever doubted that pagan would feel the same, that there would be anything to greet him but this warm, safe affection that only longs to wrap him up and treasure him. ]

You gotta make it up to me, I guess. [ returning that squeeze with one of his own, the edges of his mouth tugging up into a smile. ] With interest.

[vacabdication]

A challenge I am more than willing to accept.

[ And it's warm, all threaded through with adoration, pleased at the answering squeeze from Ajay's hand and the sound of the smile in his voice. He turns his face toward Ajay's, unable to kiss his mouth like this but certainly able to pepper kisses over what he can reach. ]

Thank you, Ajay. For coming back. For staying. I thought I had it all planned out, and you changed everything for the better.

[vaaris]

Don't thank me for that.

[ but it's not much of an admonishment. his voice is too warm with affection and too lax with contentment -- the cool of the table against his front is a nice contrast to the heavy warmth of pagan against his back, and while it doesn't come close to the ridiculous lavishness of their bed? it's nice. ]

It felt like I got -- [ a pause, hesitating as he tries to find the right word for it. ] -- lost, I guess, when I was out there. I don't know who I was, but it wasn't me.

This is me. Here. With you.

[vacabdication]

Well. I'm glad, then.

[ And he's going to have to move soon, because the fact that he's shorter than Ajay is makes the position less than ideal, but just one more flurry of kisses, one more squeeze of their hands. ]

When I'm with you I'm a better man than I was capable of being. It scared me at first, I'll admit. But now... I'm coming around to the idea.

[vaaris]

If only the Golden Path realized the power of my corrupting influences earlier. [ it's a teasing thing, the pad of his thumb skating over the back of pagan's hand. ] They'd have left me right where I was.

[ but...

fuck. he doesn't want to ruin the mood, but the mention of the golden path is enough to have the memory of the whole mess with sabal bearing down on him again. he should have told pagan about it earlier -- and while some part of him still wants to bury it, he also doesn't want to spoil this with a secret rotting between them.

so he shifts a little, nudging pagan to roll off so he can look him properly in the eyes. ] ... I need to tell you something.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan was literally just thinking how he needed to move, but now that Ajay is urging him to do so he's reluctant. Still, he obeys, pulling out with a little sound of loss despite being almost entirely soft by now. I need to tell you something is... never good, in his experience, but there's enough of that warm glow on him to stop him from panicking. He laces his fingers through Ajay's again once he's resettled, almost insistent. ]

I'm here.

[vaaris]

[ oh. there's something trusting in the gesture of lacing their hands together again, something patient and willing to listen, and fuck. it shouldn't inspire the stupid swell of affection in ajay that it does, but he doesn't even bother fighting it. instead, he rearranges himself until he's able to tuck up against pagan, unable to resist the desire for more of that contact. ]

Okay, first of all, it's... not a big deal.

[ he's not entirely sure he believes that, but treading lightly seems wise here. ] You remember Sabal, right?

[vacabdication]

[ Ajay tucks himself in close and Pagan's chest aches with the force of love he feels -

and then Ajay says Sabal, and Pagan Pagan's eyes widen briefly in sudden recollection. Fucking hell, how did he forget? He knows he has to ruin it. He must, right? He could pretend, but is Ajay finds out...

He takes a breath, squeezes Ajay's hand. ]

Perhaps I should go first.

[vaaris]

[ okay, that's not what he was expecting.

and the shock of it is enough to prompt ajay into sitting up again, squinting at pagan with genuine confusion. ]

You?

[vacabdication]

Mm.

[ He hums noncommittally, not really relishing what comes next - he knows Ajay is going to be cross. Still, better cross than so angry over being lied to that he leaves, so. ]

I... heard a rumor that Sabal chased you out of an outpost yelling something vile. Put that together with the tense mood when you arrived and that unfortunate night when I pushed my luck and woke you up in a fright, and decided I needed to have a chat with him.

[ Okay. Time for the hard part. ]

He's tied to a chair in the next room.

[vaaris]

[ ajay opens his mouth. ]

...

[ closes it.

takes a long moment to attempt to digest that, and fails utterly. ] You what.

[vacabdication]

In my defense, I only wanted to distract you enough to make sure you wouldn't walk in there. And yes, maybe I thought a little flirting would be fitting punishment if he overheard it, but...

[ He shrugs. There's really no saving face here. He might as well be honest. ]

I got distracted.

[vaaris]

[ actually, ajay had been so preoccupied with the thought of pagan dragging sabal up to the palace and tying him to a chair that he's almost entirely forgotten what they just did. on this table. in this room. with sabal in earshot. but thanks, that was a great reminder, and now he has that to contend with on top of everything else.

he's letting go of pagan's hand so that he can press his fingers to his forehead, breathing out a long exhale through his nose. ]

... did anyone get hurt when you brought him here? [ in a voice that's perfectly measured, absolutely even. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Is that the sound of someone with a gag in their mouth yelling in the next room, or is Pagan imagining it? Hilariously, considering his position and his extensive history of drug use, Pagan has never really been prone to paranoia. This would be a horrible time to start. ]

No! Well. Nobody died. His nose did look a touch broken, I'll admit.

[ He broke it. Which is an indication of just how angry he was; he doesn't like to get his hands dirty, as a rule. ]

[vaaris]

[ okay.

well.

that's something.

and ajay breathes out again before he drops his hands away from his face, leaning forward to take the other man's face in his palms. ]

I love you. [ leaning forward, stealing a little peck off his mouth. ] And that's why I'm going to go take a shower and you're going to make sure someone puts him back, because you know it'd break my heart to have to shoot you.

[vacabdication]

[ Listen, the fact that Pagan perks up when Ajay says he's going to take a shower as if he thinks he's going to get to go too is just force of habit. Like he said, distracted! But he values that kiss, and the fact that Ajay is still willing to say that he loves him, so he settles back against the table from the hopeful way he rises with what might be the trace of a pout, if pouting wasn't such an unkingly thing to do. ]

Just tell me he didn't hurt you. I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself, but I need to hear it from you. Then I can turn him loose with a clear conscience and my very best wishes for his future.

[vaaris]

He didn't.

[ it's a strange thing to feel tender about, but he does. enough so that he edges back in for another kiss, still close-mouthed but lingering. ]

And if you make quick enough work of him -- [ there's almost a hint of playfulness here. ] I'll let you take me back to bed and make me forget all about him.

[vacabdication]

[ Now there's an offer. He sits up properly, catches Ajay's hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss it slow and soft. ]

He'll be back to his wretched little life within the hour. I'll even send him with royal guard to stop any bright sparks in the army trying to stuff a grenade in him on the way out.

[ And he's just on the verge of yelling for Gary when he remembers the state they're both in, so he thinks better of it and taps out a message on his phone instead. ]

[vaaris]

[ there's a certain thrill in knowing he's the only person breathing who can get away with what he's about to do, so. ajay takes a moment to pull on his jeans and shirt while pagan taps out that message on his phone, and then reaches out to ruffle the older man's hair as if the ages between them have swapped. ]

Good boy.

[ and then he's out.

he was serious about the shower -- and that's where he beelines, because being sticky stops being sexy about 10 seconds after an orgasm. ]

[vacabdication]

[ What

the fuck

Ajay ruffles his hair, which is charmingly cocky, but then he says good boy with absolute confidence and Pagan is entirely unprepared for the effect it has on him. So he tidies himself up as best he can while Ajay leaves, and opens the door into the next room. Sabal, predictably, is still there, eyes blazing, and Pagan flashes him his most charming smile. ]

Ajay Ghale just saved your life. I suggest you remember that, because if you touch him again I won't have you brought here, and I won't have you questioned. I'll have you hogtied and thrown to demonfish before Ajay even thinks to ask me not to.

Ta-ta.

[ And he leaves as quickly as he can whilst still trying to appear collected, just until he's out of Sabal's line of sight. He actually passes Gary with two fully-uniformed and armed royal guard as he goes, but only spares them a brief nod, because his aim is to get to Ajay as fast as possible. When he does, he lets himself into the bathroom and holds his phone up to the outside of the shower door, displaying Gary's message confirming orders. ]

All done. Forgiven?

[vaaris]

[ pagan has superb timing, because ajay ghale is currently squinting at the cantonese script on the bottle of wrinkly dick wash as if he's trying to decide whether it's something he actually wants to use. he never has figured out which one of these is the one with cocaine in it, and --

he jumps at the sound of the other man's voice outside the shower door.

but it probably says plenty about the level of trust when he doesn't even bother to glance at the phone screen, nudging open the shower door with a little grin that speaks of clear invitation. ]

Maybe. [ he's absolutely forgiven. sabal deserved a broken nose, and ajay has had a bit of time to reflect on the fact that if the tables had turned, if someone had tried to hurt pagan? he would have tied them up in the jungle, drawn just enough blood to attract the local wildlife, and then sat back to enjoy the show. really, maybe pagan deserves a kiss for restraint. ] I think I'd have more fun watching you try to earn it.

[vacabdication]

Only watch?

[ But he grins, lobs his phone in the general direction of a stack of towels and strips off to join Ajay in the shower. Just in the nick of time, too - he shifts Yuma's so-funny bottle to the back of the shelf as he leans in to give Ajay a kiss. ]

Not that one, my dear. Never that one.

[vaaris]

[ there's no real loss as pagan sorts the bottle neatly away from him -- even though the fact that he's just been told no only makes it that much more appealing. there's no reason one person requires this many bottles of such-and-such; he used to get by just fine on one of those generic 2-and-1 soap and shampoo brands, but he has a feeling pagan might have it summarily executed just for daring to exist.

but the kiss gets met with a little hum, and he's already ducking in for another. ]

You know how often you do that? "My." "Mine."

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan runs his fingers along the bottles until he finally plucks out a favourite - sandalwood, in his opinion very sexy and masculine without being aggressive or Axe-y - and steals another kiss off Ajay's lips. ]

Do I? Must have been wishful thinking. What do you know, maybe The fucking Secret works.

[vaaris]

[ that gets a laugh, because the idea of pagan min holing himself up in his palace to read the secret while the golden path stormily plots his destruction is... well, amazing. the absolute apathy with which pagan seems to view the golden path and their machinations was something of a shock to ajay when he first stumbled into the palace, but now? it's almost like an odd inside joke.

and there's something nice about the way pagan picks something out for him -- it's the same kind of indulgent fussing pagan shows when he's trying to coax ajay into a nicer pair of boots or a wamer jacket, and... sometimes (sometimes) ajay likes it. likes that someone cares enough to want to fuss, likes the practical reminders of pagan's affection. ]

I like it. [ honestly, warmly. ] It makes me feel...

[ treasured? like something worthy of being possessed, a jewel pagan has fought to claim as his own. ] ... like you know where I belong.