and i say it's worth it, too

[exsurgo]

[ He’d been wrong for so long. All those dreams, all that talk of being a hero, and it turns out doing the heroic stuff is kinda shitty. 13-year-old Zack Fair packing his bags to head off and join up with Shinra would have been horrified to even think it, but a quiet life is pretty damn good.

That’s what they have now, for the most part. Cloud hooked him up with a place to stay (in the same house as Cloud, but not in the same room) and a job (for Cloud’s delivery business – Cloud Strife, entrepreneur! Who’d have thought?), and even friends, even if Aerith smacks him in the arm (with tears in her eyes, to be fair) over all her unanswered letters. And it’s good. It’s good to have fighting be the rare exception rather than the norm, to get up early because he wants to rather than because he’ll get hauled into disciplinary proceedings if he doesn’t, to come home at the end of the day to meals they all pitch in to make and a table full of laughter. And it’s so, so good to be with Cloud. Even if he hasn’t been – you know, with Cloud.

Not that they haven’t been intimate! Some of the time they’ve spent together has felt more intimate, more naked than any of the sex they’d had before... everything. Times Cloud came into his room and held him close and ran quiet fingers through his hair after Zack woke up screaming from another dream about Cloud being trapped in that mako tank again. Times when they’d laid together on the bed and Cloud had told Zack what he remembered and Zack had filled in the blanks, wanting to be careful not to overwhelm him but so eager to share he almost couldn’t help it. And they’ve kissed, a few times, chastely and briefly – but there’s still a distance between them. Zack had thought Cloud might have had someone else, for a little while. Been convinced he was with Tifa, who is beautiful and funny and kind but not enough of any of those things for Zack not to feel relieved when she smiled at him and told him no, no. We tried it, but... it didn’t work out. It’s just... Cloud, keeping a kind and polite but pretty firm boundary between them.

It’s okay. It’s okay! A lot has changed! Cloud has been through so much that he seems like the older one now, and Zack had... died, maybe, but at least not been there for some literal world-endingly intense stuff. But he still loves Cloud, in that way where you know no matter what you do or what you try it’s not going away, and still wants him. So Zack does his best to be respectful, telling himself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

That doesn’t mean he’s gonna turn down a chance to help it along, though. So when it’s a quiet evening and the house is empty but for the two of them – unheard of, but Barrett and the girls have taken the kids out to see some show – and the lights are low and Cloud is talking in his quiet, measured way about something that had happened out at work and Zack doesn’t hear a word of it because he’s thinking yet again about how gorgeous Cloud is -

well, who’s gonna hold it against him if he leans in and kisses Cloud right on the mouth?

...not Cloud, hopefully. ]

Comments

[disheroic]

Mmhmm.

[ kissing his way down zack's chest, over the plane of his stomach. nuzzling into one of the hollows of his hipbones while his hands make quick work of the fastenings of zack's pants, and then he tugs them down over zack's hips. ]

Forever. I'm not letting you go again. [ and then he noses up against zack's cock, sighing a pleased sound. ]

[exsurgo]

[ The little haa Zack makes is as much to do with Cloud saying he won't let him go as with the feeling of Cloud nuzzling against his skin, his cock. It's all tangled together, the sensations he's craved, the words he's longed for. Cloud is being possessive and Zack wants nothing more than to be possessed, to belong to Cloud totally and completely.

He reaches down, combs his fingers through Cloud's hair, makes a low, almost crooning sound even he doesn't quite know the meaning of - thanks, a plea for more, a declaration of love. All three, probably. ]

I've wanted to be yours again. So much. Always was, in my heart, but I needed to know you know it too.

[disheroic]

You can tell me every day.

[ he's mostly teasing, flashing zack a crooked little smile as he settles down onto one elbow. ] Until you're sure I can't forget again.

[ then he presses an open-mouthed kiss to the very base of zack's cock, dragging his tongue up slowly along the underside. almost purring at the taste of him, achingly familiar. ]

[exsurgo]

[ He can tell from the set of that little smile and the reference to forgetting again that Cloud's teasing, but Zack is 100% serious. ]

I want to. I will. Every morning when we wake up, every night when we go to sleep. I love you, I'm yours.

[ But then there's the drag of Cloud's tongue and whatever else he was going to say scatters to the wind. He sighs, long and pleased, strokes at Cloud's hair and rolls his hips up toward that touch. ]

Feels good.

[disheroic]

[ it doesn't matter if it was meant to be a joke. cloud likes the sound of it, likes the idea that zack wants to remind him. likes the thought that they'll have years and years and years of being able to say that to each other stretched out in front of them.

but most of all? he likes the sound zack makes when cloud makes him feel good, can't get nearly enough. it's why he shifts until he can get his mouth around the head of zack's dick, sweeping the flat of his tongue firmly along the slit at the crest. ]

[exsurgo]

[ He sucks air, briefly tightens his hand in Cloud's hair before he remembers himself and goes back to stroking. It's so good - he's sensitive, doesn't know whether that's because it's been so long, because of whatever happened during his second dip in a mako tank, or just because everything feels like so much right now. Whatever it is, he hums warmly at the feel of it, props himself up on an elbow so he can look at Cloud. He's getting used to it, finally - the way the soft sweetness of Cloud's face has sharpened into something more refined. Still beautiful, but with hard edges where there were none before. None of those changes have made it any less a mistake to look if he wants to last, though - Cloud moves his mouth over Zack's cock like that's one thing he never forgot, and the sight of him doing it only dials up how amazing it feels. ]

[disheroic]

[ it turns out that sucking a dick is something you never really forget. or maybe it’s just that it’s easy to fall back into the rhythm of it when it’s zack.

just the little sounds zack makes are enough to spur cloud on — he dips his head lower just to take more of zack in his mouth, groaning a low noise around him. just the taste of zack, the way he’s big enough to make cloud’s jaw ache with the stretch, is enough to set cloud’s blood on fire. he’s greedy about about it, almost desperate for more. ]

[exsurgo]

[ The feeling of Cloud taking more of him into his mouth gets another low sound from him, involuntary. But it's good, he should let Cloud know how good it feels! It's just.. hard to string thoughts together like this, and the way his hand strokes through Cloud's hair is as much about grounding himself as it is about showing his appreciation and affection. ]

Cloud. That feels so good, you're so good. You're so hot, always so hot, but the way you look like this - you're so beautiful -

[ It's babble, but if that's unexpected then there are still some pretty big holes in Cloud's memory. He's always reduced Zack to nonsense. ]

[disheroic]

[ there is a part of him, just a sliver, that almost wishes he had something to stuff in zack's mouth and shut him up with. because that praise is almost too much -- it settles down into cloud's core and burns there, until his blood feels like it's boiling and his cock is aching between his legs. but cloud would be lying if he tried he say he didn't crave it, even though he's forced to reach a hand down between his legs and give himself a stroke just to take some of the edge off.

and listen, it'd probably be prudent to take things slow -- it's been awhile since he's done this, after all -- but there's nothing about the way he feels about zack that encourages caution or a level head. so he shifts a little to get a better angle, then slides his mouth all the way down. swallows when he feels the thick head of zack's dick nudging at the back of his throat, and then there's a rush of satisfaction as he takes it the rest of the way. ]

[exsurgo]

Fuck.

[ Just a quiet little breath of a thing, because the sight of Cloud reaching down to touch himself like doing this for Zack makes him so hot he can't help it sends a plume of heat right through him. But then there's more of the wet heat of Cloud's mouth, the sensation when he swallows, and the intensity of the pressure as Cloud pushes and lets Zack slip into his throat, and all thoughts of being quiet are lost. Maybe forever. ]

Cloud! Oh, fuck, Cloud, that feels so good - baby, you're so good, so hot, I missed you so much -

[ That hand in Cloud's hair tightens enough to pull just with the shock of it, but he's present enough at least to pet there apologetically once he realizes. He's babbling, now, Cloud's name and little endearments and moans at the feel of it, so tight, so hot, so good in a way he thought he'd never have again. He's close, murmurs that too in a note of pleading. Doesn't know whether he wants Cloud to make it happen or lay off so they can drag it out, trusts Cloud to decide for him. Trusts Cloud with everything. ]

I love you, I love you so much -

[disheroic]

[ honestly, cloud is past the point of even thinking about dragging it out. just doing this for zack has him so turned on that he's almost forgotten how to think straight; zack tightens that hand in cloud's hair until he's pulling, and cloud moans around his cock in response.

all he can think about is making zack feel good. always, forever. spending days just finding new ways to feel good, to learn how many times he can make zack come before he's begging cloud for mercy.

but right now? he wants zack to come. and that's why he swallows greedily around him, flicking his eyes up to drink in the pleasure-wrecked expression on zack's face. ]

[exsurgo]

[ Holy hell.

It's bad enough that Cloud swallows, the motion of it making his throat squeeze around Zack's cock, but then he looks up and -

he's beautiful, he's always been beautiful, but there's a fire in his eyes. Want, heat, determination, what looks like satisfaction at knowing just what he's doing to Zack. He can't help the little hitch of his hips, the tiny rolling motion that starts, the moan thick with so much pleasure it sounds almost anguished. ]

Cloud, Cloud, I'm gonna -

[ but then it's happening already. His head wants to roll back with the feel of it, overwhelming after so long, but he's determined to keep his eyes on Cloud's. Drowning in them as he drowns in the pleasure of it, green-tinted now but beautiful as they always were. It rolls through him in waves, powerful and deep, enough to pull him under until he's lost to it and finally collapses back against the bed, useless, still reeling with it. ]

[disheroic]

[ it's good. this proof that he still knows how to make zack feel good, the fact that zack calls his name when he comes. and cloud swallows greedily around him like he's been starving for it, not pulling back until the pulses of zack's orgasm slow and then stop all together.

then, finally, he draws back and sits himself up. pleased as a cat that's gotten the cream, drawing one thumb up through the little bit of zack's come that's managed to leak from one corner of his mouth and then sucking it clean.

zack looks so good like this. sprawled out on cloud's bed, loose-limbed and dark-eyed with pleasure. cloud is making a resolution to make sure zack looks like this as much as possible. ]

[exsurgo]

[ He's still floating, feeling at once not quite in his own body and very in it in the best way. Already having a hard time dealing with the sight of his come on Cloud's face before Cloud sucks it off his thumb like he can't bear to miss a drop, and Zack whimpers at it, reaches for him. ]

Cloud. C'mere. I need... I need to hold you.

[ Not want. Need. It's felt like so much wanting Cloud and not having him, and he's gonna return the favour just as soon as he feels like he can operate his body properly again, but in the meantime the need to have Cloud close against him is a desperate thing. ]

[disheroic]

[ oh.

everything in cloud's body melts at the sound of that, and he's moving almost immediately to answer that request. settling himself right up against zack's side, reaching out to wrap one strong arm around him as he nuzzles up affectionately against zack's temple. ]

I missed seeing you like this. Watching you feel good, knowing it's because of me.

[exsurgo]

Good... is an understatement.

[ Laughing softly, because it's probably just the fact that it's been literal years for him but he's halfway convinced that's the best orgasm anyone's had, ever. He squeezes Cloud tight, leaning his head into that nuzzle before he turns to steal a kiss. ]

But I know what you mean. It was so good just to see you again, up and around, but I missed this. Being with you like this. Felt like part of me was missing.

[disheroic]

[ there's a part of him that still can't believe zack feels exactly the same way. it almost aches to have zack echo those thoughts back to him so perfectly, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth and then dipping to press another against that familiar scar. ]

You're never gonna have to miss it again. Not while I'm around.

[exsurgo]

So never, right?

[ He doesn't wait for an answer. Turns his head so he can kiss Cloud again, something lingering and deep this time. The fact that he can still taste himself in the warmth of Cloud's mouth isn't a surprise - he's still feeling a little tingly, after all - but it still makes him hum warmly. Funny, the things that are a turn-on once they're filtered through Cloud.

He strokes over Cloud's skin, lets one hand snake down so he can curl it around Cloud's cock and stroke slowly there. Just doing it makes him moan - fuck, he's missed him. Missed this, and the proof that Cloud's missed it too feels so good in his hand, hot and hard. ]

[disheroic]

[ zack presses into the kiss, and cloud knows him well enough to know that the little sound he makes is pleased at the taste of himself on cloud's tongue. and that knowledge burns through him, has him arching up into zack even before --

zack wraps a hand around cloud's dick, and cloud has to break the kiss with a bitten-off little moan. it feels so good that he can scarcely handle it; zack's done nothing but this, and cloud can already feel the way his blood is pounding in response.

still, it's important that he remembers just enough of himself to say: ]

So never. [ like it's a promise, because it is. he knows what it's like to be the one left alone, and he's not doing that to zack. whatever it takes. ]

[exsurgo]

Good.

[ Greedy, to demand what he couldn't give Cloud. He'll have to make it up to him in other ways. Strokes at him again, lets his thumb press firm under the swell of the head before he slides it up to run warmly over the slit. He's happy enough that there's still some sass in him even after a mindblowing blowjob and his determination to make Cloud feel just as good as he did, and he grins. ]

Man. Dunno why, but when I noticed you were bigger I didn't realize you'de be bigger here, too. Feels nice.

[disheroic]

[ it's mindblowing. zack is barely doing anything to him, and it's already enough to make cloud feel like he's going to go crazy. just zack's hand against his dick is enough -- the way the callouses feel against the sensitive skin there, the way his palm is warm and big enough to feel like it could swallow cloud up completely.

... and then zack goes and says that, and cloud learns the hard way that he hasn't grown out of the cherry tomato habit. not around zack and his big, fat mouth.

he buries his face into zack's shoulder with a groan that has absolutely nothing to do with how good zack's hand feels on his dick. ] You're --

Shut up.

[exsurgo]

Don't think I can. You were already perfect to me. Now you've got all this muscle and this [ squeezing as he strokes, relishing the feel of it as much as he's enjoying the teasing ], and I'm gonna have to come up with a word that means better than perfect.

Maybe we can find a way to shut me up in the meantime though, huh?

[ And he rolls Cloud onto his back, starts kissing a line down his body. He'd imagined this, watching the way Cloud moves now - not just because of the new muscle but surer, more confident. Some days it made his mouth water and he'd have to turn away just to know he wasn't going to embarrass himself, force a polite declinature. Now that he knows it's welcome, he lingers - nipping gently over skin, soothing with a tongue that's longed to taste Cloud again. ]

[disheroic]

[ that squeeze is enough to make his breath hitch, trying to tuck his face further into zack's shoulder just to hide. because it's almost overwhelming how easily zack seems to be able to take him apart, even though cloud's had the extra years in between to develop some kind of defense against it.

but.

he almost can't believe he has it in him to protest, especially because whatever zack wants to do to him sounds better than perfect, but. ] Wait. Wait, wait, wait --

[ tangling a hand into zack's hair to make sure he doesn't keep moving down, because cloud's brain is already halfway to useless with zack where he is. ] Not saying that's a bad idea. I promise I'll shut you up as much as you want me to later, but.

I -- [ hesitating on it for just a second, a little more pink creeping into his cheeks. ] Right now, I really want --

[exsurgo]

[ He stops in place anyway, because if Cloud says wait he's gonna wait forever if that's what it takes. The hand in his hair is still nice, though, a touch he leans into before he dips down to plant another kiss on Cloud's skin in relief at hearing what comes next. ]

Anything. Whatever you want, Cloud, I'm yours. I wanna give you just what you want.

[disheroic]

[ ugh. this is where he feels almost like a dumb teenager again, stumbling all over himself because he's somehow tripped and ended up with the hottest guy on the whole planet in his bed and looking up at him like he'd give cloud everything.

he has to break off eye contact, eyes locked resolutely on the ceiling and face on fire. and some of the gruffness always comes out when he's shy, like a hedgehog prickling up its quills. ]

I told you already. That I wanted you to make love to me.