and i say it's worth it, too

[exsurgo]

[ He’d been wrong for so long. All those dreams, all that talk of being a hero, and it turns out doing the heroic stuff is kinda shitty. 13-year-old Zack Fair packing his bags to head off and join up with Shinra would have been horrified to even think it, but a quiet life is pretty damn good.

That’s what they have now, for the most part. Cloud hooked him up with a place to stay (in the same house as Cloud, but not in the same room) and a job (for Cloud’s delivery business – Cloud Strife, entrepreneur! Who’d have thought?), and even friends, even if Aerith smacks him in the arm (with tears in her eyes, to be fair) over all her unanswered letters. And it’s good. It’s good to have fighting be the rare exception rather than the norm, to get up early because he wants to rather than because he’ll get hauled into disciplinary proceedings if he doesn’t, to come home at the end of the day to meals they all pitch in to make and a table full of laughter. And it’s so, so good to be with Cloud. Even if he hasn’t been – you know, with Cloud.

Not that they haven’t been intimate! Some of the time they’ve spent together has felt more intimate, more naked than any of the sex they’d had before... everything. Times Cloud came into his room and held him close and ran quiet fingers through his hair after Zack woke up screaming from another dream about Cloud being trapped in that mako tank again. Times when they’d laid together on the bed and Cloud had told Zack what he remembered and Zack had filled in the blanks, wanting to be careful not to overwhelm him but so eager to share he almost couldn’t help it. And they’ve kissed, a few times, chastely and briefly – but there’s still a distance between them. Zack had thought Cloud might have had someone else, for a little while. Been convinced he was with Tifa, who is beautiful and funny and kind but not enough of any of those things for Zack not to feel relieved when she smiled at him and told him no, no. We tried it, but... it didn’t work out. It’s just... Cloud, keeping a kind and polite but pretty firm boundary between them.

It’s okay. It’s okay! A lot has changed! Cloud has been through so much that he seems like the older one now, and Zack had... died, maybe, but at least not been there for some literal world-endingly intense stuff. But he still loves Cloud, in that way where you know no matter what you do or what you try it’s not going away, and still wants him. So Zack does his best to be respectful, telling himself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

That doesn’t mean he’s gonna turn down a chance to help it along, though. So when it’s a quiet evening and the house is empty but for the two of them – unheard of, but Barrett and the girls have taken the kids out to see some show – and the lights are low and Cloud is talking in his quiet, measured way about something that had happened out at work and Zack doesn’t hear a word of it because he’s thinking yet again about how gorgeous Cloud is -

well, who’s gonna hold it against him if he leans in and kisses Cloud right on the mouth?

...not Cloud, hopefully. ]

Comments

[disheroic]

[ it's mindblowing. zack is barely doing anything to him, and it's already enough to make cloud feel like he's going to go crazy. just zack's hand against his dick is enough -- the way the callouses feel against the sensitive skin there, the way his palm is warm and big enough to feel like it could swallow cloud up completely.

... and then zack goes and says that, and cloud learns the hard way that he hasn't grown out of the cherry tomato habit. not around zack and his big, fat mouth.

he buries his face into zack's shoulder with a groan that has absolutely nothing to do with how good zack's hand feels on his dick. ] You're --

Shut up.

[exsurgo]

Don't think I can. You were already perfect to me. Now you've got all this muscle and this [ squeezing as he strokes, relishing the feel of it as much as he's enjoying the teasing ], and I'm gonna have to come up with a word that means better than perfect.

Maybe we can find a way to shut me up in the meantime though, huh?

[ And he rolls Cloud onto his back, starts kissing a line down his body. He'd imagined this, watching the way Cloud moves now - not just because of the new muscle but surer, more confident. Some days it made his mouth water and he'd have to turn away just to know he wasn't going to embarrass himself, force a polite declinature. Now that he knows it's welcome, he lingers - nipping gently over skin, soothing with a tongue that's longed to taste Cloud again. ]

[disheroic]

[ that squeeze is enough to make his breath hitch, trying to tuck his face further into zack's shoulder just to hide. because it's almost overwhelming how easily zack seems to be able to take him apart, even though cloud's had the extra years in between to develop some kind of defense against it.

but.

he almost can't believe he has it in him to protest, especially because whatever zack wants to do to him sounds better than perfect, but. ] Wait. Wait, wait, wait --

[ tangling a hand into zack's hair to make sure he doesn't keep moving down, because cloud's brain is already halfway to useless with zack where he is. ] Not saying that's a bad idea. I promise I'll shut you up as much as you want me to later, but.

I -- [ hesitating on it for just a second, a little more pink creeping into his cheeks. ] Right now, I really want --

[exsurgo]

[ He stops in place anyway, because if Cloud says wait he's gonna wait forever if that's what it takes. The hand in his hair is still nice, though, a touch he leans into before he dips down to plant another kiss on Cloud's skin in relief at hearing what comes next. ]

Anything. Whatever you want, Cloud, I'm yours. I wanna give you just what you want.

[disheroic]

[ ugh. this is where he feels almost like a dumb teenager again, stumbling all over himself because he's somehow tripped and ended up with the hottest guy on the whole planet in his bed and looking up at him like he'd give cloud everything.

he has to break off eye contact, eyes locked resolutely on the ceiling and face on fire. and some of the gruffness always comes out when he's shy, like a hedgehog prickling up its quills. ]

I told you already. That I wanted you to make love to me.

[exsurgo]

Oh.

[ He's a dumbass. Thought Cloud was just being poetic, talking about sex stuff in general, but the tone of Cloud's voice and the colour he turns tells Zack exactly what he means, and -

wow, that's a lot. A good lot! He's into it! It's just a little surprising so soon, somehow even after they decided to get married? Just the thought of it has his cock valiantly trying to rise to the occasion again, and he grins. It's good to know Cloud wants it as much as he does. ]

Yeah. Yeah, of course. Damn, Cloud. [ wait - ] Do you - uh, have you got lube?

[disheroic]

[ of course he has lube, he's not a stupid teenager, he's not going to drag the love of his life into his bed and then --

cloud freezes. and then there's a long pause as he lets reality settle in over him. then? ] Fuck.

Hang on. [ unceremoniously (but gently! lovingly!) dumping zack from being draped half across him to being back on the mattress. and it's a good thing zack didn't get around to getting cloud's pants all the way off, because now at least he's not half-naked as he stalks right out of the room and down the hall. there's the sound of a door or two opening, the sound of drawers being opened, rifled through, and then slammed shut, and then finally --

cloud reappears, and tosses a bottle of lube (suspiciously tinted a light pink, and with for her written in a delicate script) at zack. ]

If Aerith asks, I'm blaming you. [ and he's not even letting zack protest before he drops back down to the bed and hauls zack back in to kiss him again. ]

[exsurgo]

[ Zack's never going to say no to a Cloud kiss, but he's laughing into it. Raiding their housemate's lube! Cloud really has changed. He nips at Cloud's bottom lip, still grinning. ]

I think she's gonna be happy enough about getting to do the flowers for our wedding that it's gonna balance out us stealing her lube. Mostly. But I can do the groveling to get us the rest of the way there.

[ Back to business! He moves down Cloud's body again - faster this time, the urge to tease fled now he knows Cloud is eager enough to steal lube for this. Kisses over his stomach, shifts one of Cloud's legs so he can kiss a line up his inner thigh. Cloud may have said no to a blowjob, but there's still a chance for Zack to get his mouth on him on the way to what they want. He nestles himself between Cloud's legs, presses forward, and licks a hot swipe over Cloud's rim. ]

[disheroic]

[ in all likelihood, the greatest punishment aerith would inflict on either of them is a full account of what they used the lube for, and somehow? cloud suspects that she's going to find a way to get just as many details out of zack as she wants, regardless. (so! maybe stealing her stuff is just like evening out the scales ahead of time.)

but, okay. he thought he was pretty clear with zack about what he wanted! and while he admires zack's clear dedication to getting his mouth on cloud's dick, that still --

and then zack scoots himself even lower and licks a hot line up over the furl of cloud's entrance, and fuck. he arches up with a little bitten-off sound that's half-surprise and half-want, head thumping back against the pillows. protests officially silenced! ]

[exsurgo]

Fuck.

[ Quiet, because he's not really meaning to say it aloud but also because his lips are still pressed close to Cloud's skin when he speaks. That sound. It travels through him like a little zap, so when he puts his mouth there again it's with his determination doubled. Licking greedily over the tight-ridged skin there, circling the tip of his tongue with a hum of want. If he'd been worried about being ready, this removes any concern - doing it, knowing what it does for Cloud, hearing the confirmation of it? He'll be ready in no time. ]

[disheroic]

[ zack dives into the task that cloud can't help but whine, even though he presses the back of one hand to his mouth to stifle the sound. fuck, indeed. it's like everywhere zack touches him, cloud is twice as sensitive as he's ever been, and it's hard just to keep himself in check.

his free hand goes down to tangle in zack's hair, because there's a part of cloud that feels like he needs to hold onto him to keep from being swept away. ]

[exsurgo]

[ He heard that! That little whine. It's hot, so hot he's determined to get more of it, so it's a few more circling laps with his tongue before he presses in. Gives a muffled moan as he feels the tip it it breach that tight furl, everything in him drawing tight and thrumming at the knowledge that part of him is inside Cloud again, finally. Gives up on any pretense, hauls Cloud's thighs over his shoulders and sets to eating him out like a starving man.

Now that he's started, the greed in him is uncontrollable. Fuck, he hasn't even been awake that long but it feels like years, decades of longing for Cloud and not having him. He shifts so he can put his hands on the firm cheeks of Cloud's ass and spread them, lapping hungrily before his tongue delves in again. Like an addict getting his fix, so filled with need that he has no concept of enough or too much anymore. ]

[disheroic]

[ honestly, it seems a little rude for zack to respond to cloud asking zack to make love to him by then turning around and trying to kill him. because that’s what’s happening here, right? zack eats him out like he’s a starving man and cloud is the first meal he’s stumbled across in days, and cloud is helpless against it.

he tightens the hand he has tangled in zack’s hair and bites off another needy sound, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. there’s a part of him that almost wishes he could block out the greedy, messy sounds of zack eating him out — it’s almost too much when cloud is already this close to being overcome. he’s panting raggedly, trying to stop himself from squirming against the sheets. ]

Z-Zack, that’s —

[exsurgo]

[ Good? Hopefully he was going to say good, because Zack keeps going. By the end of the night he wants to hear Cloud making those sounds without choking them off, unguarded and undone. He fumbles for the lube, a little slapping at the bedding because he won't move his mouth away in order to actually look for it, but once he's got it? The dexterity all his training has given him pays off as he slicks his fingers and moves his mouth back from its work only long enough to press one finger in. Still working his mouth over Cloud as he does, raising a little to lick over his taint so he doesn't go ahead and waste the effort of lubing up by licking it off his own finger. But once it's seated he's right back to it - dragging his tongue over Cloud's rim where it's now stretched around his finger.

Honestly, it's a shame they didn't clone him so he could kiss Cloud, do this, and suck his dick all at the same time. ]

[disheroic]

[ zack slides that first finger into him, and cloud sighs. it's been a while since he's done this, but it's zack, and that means cloud already can't get enough. he rolls his hips down against zack's hand, breath hitching when zack runs his tongue right where he's got cloud stretched open. ]

Zack. More, more -- I need --

[ rushing it, maybe, but he can't help it. ]

[exsurgo]

Yeah? Okay. Okay, baby, I got you.

[ It's so hot - Cloud asking for more already, like he needs it so much he can't wait. He's a little slower, a little more cautious as he slides that second finger in - but once it's there he can't help looking, groaning at the sight of it. He buries kisses against the inside of Cloud's thigh, head cocked at an angle as he does so he can watch the way Cloud's stretched around his fingers, stroking them inside of him. He's hot inside, so soft but still so tight just around that touch, and the thought of all of that around his dick makes him groan. ]

Ohhh, look at that. Wish you could see this.

[disheroic]

[ zack works that second finger into him, and it's good. enough to drag a little keening noise out of cloud, dropping his head back against the pillows and squeezing his eyes shut as he lets himself settle into the adjustment. it doesn't hurt, but it's a lot -- all of it is. having zack be the one to touch him, listening to zack tell him how good he is and how good he looks, knowing exactly where all of this is headed.

(and to think, there had been a part of cloud who'd figured maybe he just wasn't that into the whole sex thing anymore.) ]

Zack -- [ it's halfway to a plea, because there's a part of cloud that feels like he's going to go crazy before he even gets zack inside him. ]

[exsurgo]

[ One more lingering lick over where Cloud's stretched around his fingers, and then he moves back up so he can kiss Cloud. Sure, Cloud's bigger and taller now, but there's still enough of a difference that Zack can keep his fingers right where they are as he does. He twists them gently, and he knows this is meant to be in service of getting Cloud ready for the making love he asked for, but now that he can see Cloud's face again he can't help stroking, pressing, looking for that one spot inside that always gets a reaction. ]

You're so gorgeous. You sound so good like this, baby. Missed having you like this.

[disheroic]

[ ah! good! kissing is an obvious reprieve from at least some of zack's attack on him, which is one reason cloud leans up to meet it so eagerly. curls a hand at the nape of zack's neck to try and keep him there, licking greedily into his mouth --

but then zack twists his fingers, hooks them upwards inside him, and cloud breaks off the kiss with a stifled little groan. he's so hard that his cock is leaking onto his belly, and still. still. zack isn't giving him any mercy. ]

Zack. [ dragging the other man back down to him, nipping at his lower lip before pressing into another greedy kiss. half-desperate to shut him up, because it feels like there's a real risk that zack could make him come just by telling cloud how good zack thinks he looks. ]

[exsurgo]

[ It's incredible. The nip of Cloud's teeth, the kiss, hearing him like this and knowing it's because of what Zack's doing - perfect, and even better to think there's years of this ahead of them. One more little upward press of his fingers, a little bite to Cloud's lip, and he pulls back. His face, that is - his fingers keep working right where they are. ]

I want you so much. What do you think? You ready, baby?

[disheroic]

[ unfair. because zack is working those fingers inside cloud with purpose, knowing exactly what it does to cloud, and then still expecting him to string words together. which is why, yes, fuck, he is ready, but it still takes him a minute to be able to answer. ]

Yes. Yeah. [ panting, struggling to keep himself still and not grind desperately down into those fingers zack is fucking him with. but, listen, he can give almost as good as he gets, which is why: ] If you don't fuck me already --

[ a stifled gasp as zack presses directly on that spot, lashes fluttering. ] ... I'm gonna tie you up and make you watch me do it myself.

[exsurgo]

[ Oh fuck.

This is already amazing - the ragged sound of Cloud's voice, the way it gets a little growly, the look on his face when Zack presses just right - and now that image in his head too? Zack moans, rolls his hips to press his cock against Cloud's side, rubs again in a bid for revenge. ]

No deal. I fuck you now, you still tie me up and make me watch later. I'm holding you to it.

[ But he's not cruel enough to make Cloud promise. One more twist of his fingers and he withdraws them, grabs the lube to slick himself. He can't resist a little teasing, rubbing the head of his cock against Cloud's rim for a moment, but the grin slides right off his face as he starts to push in. It's unbelievable - except that it's Cloud so he already knows he feels like heaven. ]

Cloud-

[disheroic]

[ cloud huffs a little sound, because it's just like zack to be immune to a threat like that. and he might press the issue, but --

then zack is pulling his fingers out of him, and cloud can't help the wounded little sound of loss he makes. the only thing that keeps him from really protesting is the fact that zack scrambles to settle between cloud's legs almost immediately after, even if he's still got the nerve to tease. (it's fine. it is. cloud is keeping a careful tally of all of this, and he'll happily even the scales later.)

but. then zack is rocking his hips forward, pressing in, and fuck. immediately, he reaches up to wrap his arms around zack's shoulders, burying his face into the crook of zack's neck. it's overwhelming. the feeling of zack sinking slowly into him, splitting cloud sweetly open, and the way all of it is so familiar that it's like coming home.

cloud is pretty sure he hasn't cried since that day he left zack behind on the cliffside. there's a part of him that was sure he'd forgotten the trick of it, that something in him was too broken to even do it, but. now? there's a tell-tale lump wedged in his throat and a burn at the corner of his eyes, and he'd be embarrassed that zack putting it in is literally enough to move him to tears if he wasn't so overwhelmed by the rest of it. ]

[exsurgo]

[ It's so good he has to close his eyes against the force of it - if he feels this and has to look at Cloud's beautiful face as he does, he doesn't stand a chance. He's going slow, but he doesn't stop until he's pressed all the way, his cock sheathed neatly inside the warm safety of Cloud - as close to being one as he can get. He does forget to breathe, now, the air trapped iside him like it's frozen in wonder until he finally opens his eyes and looks at Cloud's face.

He gets it. He does. He feels like crying himself, and he hasn't even gone through what Cloud has - forgetting, remembering only to find him dead and gone. He dips his face, kisses the dampness at the corners of Cloud's eyes. ]

Shh, shh. I'm here, baby. I'm here and I'm never leaving you again.

[disheroic]

[ zack’s got his eyes closed, and for a moment? cloud thinks he’s going to get away with it. like there’s some hope that he’ll be able to pull himself together with zack settling all the way inside him — filling him up so perfectly that it’s like cloud’s body was made for him, offering up this undeniable proof that some things have managed to stay exactly the same.

but then zack is crooning reassurances to him, kissing at the tears at the corners of cloud’s eyes, and fuck. he’s embarrassed; the moment he realized he had zack back, cloud had resolved to be as much of a source of stability for him as he could. maybe it’s why he hasn’t let himself process all of it until now, and it’s finally hitting him in force. ]

I got you back. [ it’s low, ragged around the edges. and he presses forward to press a kiss against the corner of zack’s mouth, the scar on his cheek. ] I got you back.