and i say it's worth it, too

[exsurgo]

[ He’d been wrong for so long. All those dreams, all that talk of being a hero, and it turns out doing the heroic stuff is kinda shitty. 13-year-old Zack Fair packing his bags to head off and join up with Shinra would have been horrified to even think it, but a quiet life is pretty damn good.

That’s what they have now, for the most part. Cloud hooked him up with a place to stay (in the same house as Cloud, but not in the same room) and a job (for Cloud’s delivery business – Cloud Strife, entrepreneur! Who’d have thought?), and even friends, even if Aerith smacks him in the arm (with tears in her eyes, to be fair) over all her unanswered letters. And it’s good. It’s good to have fighting be the rare exception rather than the norm, to get up early because he wants to rather than because he’ll get hauled into disciplinary proceedings if he doesn’t, to come home at the end of the day to meals they all pitch in to make and a table full of laughter. And it’s so, so good to be with Cloud. Even if he hasn’t been – you know, with Cloud.

Not that they haven’t been intimate! Some of the time they’ve spent together has felt more intimate, more naked than any of the sex they’d had before... everything. Times Cloud came into his room and held him close and ran quiet fingers through his hair after Zack woke up screaming from another dream about Cloud being trapped in that mako tank again. Times when they’d laid together on the bed and Cloud had told Zack what he remembered and Zack had filled in the blanks, wanting to be careful not to overwhelm him but so eager to share he almost couldn’t help it. And they’ve kissed, a few times, chastely and briefly – but there’s still a distance between them. Zack had thought Cloud might have had someone else, for a little while. Been convinced he was with Tifa, who is beautiful and funny and kind but not enough of any of those things for Zack not to feel relieved when she smiled at him and told him no, no. We tried it, but... it didn’t work out. It’s just... Cloud, keeping a kind and polite but pretty firm boundary between them.

It’s okay. It’s okay! A lot has changed! Cloud has been through so much that he seems like the older one now, and Zack had... died, maybe, but at least not been there for some literal world-endingly intense stuff. But he still loves Cloud, in that way where you know no matter what you do or what you try it’s not going away, and still wants him. So Zack does his best to be respectful, telling himself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

That doesn’t mean he’s gonna turn down a chance to help it along, though. So when it’s a quiet evening and the house is empty but for the two of them – unheard of, but Barrett and the girls have taken the kids out to see some show – and the lights are low and Cloud is talking in his quiet, measured way about something that had happened out at work and Zack doesn’t hear a word of it because he’s thinking yet again about how gorgeous Cloud is -

well, who’s gonna hold it against him if he leans in and kisses Cloud right on the mouth?

...not Cloud, hopefully. ]

Comments

[disheroic]

[ zack’s got his eyes closed, and for a moment? cloud thinks he’s going to get away with it. like there’s some hope that he’ll be able to pull himself together with zack settling all the way inside him — filling him up so perfectly that it’s like cloud’s body was made for him, offering up this undeniable proof that some things have managed to stay exactly the same.

but then zack is crooning reassurances to him, kissing at the tears at the corners of cloud’s eyes, and fuck. he’s embarrassed; the moment he realized he had zack back, cloud had resolved to be as much of a source of stability for him as he could. maybe it’s why he hasn’t let himself process all of it until now, and it’s finally hitting him in force. ]

I got you back. [ it’s low, ragged around the edges. and he presses forward to press a kiss against the corner of zack’s mouth, the scar on his cheek. ] I got you back.

[exsurgo]

You did. I love you.

[ No great proclamation, but it feels right just to reaffirm, reassure. He leans in, kisses Cloud properly - something slow, deep and lingering. It's good tears, he thinks, but it still makes him ache to to see it, to think of everything Cloud went through to get him to the point where tears were even an option. There's one thing he's always been able to do to distract Cloud, so he does it.

The first roll of his hips makes him groan. It's good enough that he might start crying too, just from this - the slow draw out, the slide back in, so warm and tight that it sends sparks up his spine. And easy, like Cloud's body missed him, is welcoming him home. It's good, so good, and he repeats it, scattering kisses against Cloud's face as he does. ]

We're here. Together. Where we belong.

[disheroic]

[ i love you.

he can't say it back, so he pours it into that kiss when zack's mouth meets his. all of it, every ounce, this love that fills him up so much that his heart aches like it'll burst. the kind of love he'd thought his heart was too broken to feel again, the kind of love that's always been just for zack.

and that first slow roll of zack's hips is enough to make cloud suck in a gasp, arching up underneath him. it's good; almost better than he can believe, and so achingly, wonderfully familiar that it feels like he's reclaiming something. not lost, not like he'd thought, just out of reach for a little while. ]

Where we belong. [ parroting it back to him, too overwhelmed for much else. and it already says it all, doesn't it? ] Zack --

[exsurgo]

[ He feels it. All that love, tucked away for so long and now back stronger than ever. He knows it, because his is just the same - like the time and the distance only made it grow. It's a massive thing now, something he can't hold in just himself. Good thing he's got Cloud here to pour it back into.

He falls into a rhythm easily, every part of him wanting more. Just Cloud, Cloud, Cloud - to bury himself in, wrap himself in like a favourite blanket, to cherish forever. Every press in better than the last, the pleasure of it filling him like it's enough to split his skin -

but it won't, because he's with Cloud. Safe. Where he's meant to be. ]

Missed this. I missed you. I needed you so much-

[disheroic]

[ the next breath cloud drags in shudders. he's just as lost in what zack is saying to him as what he's doing -- every word reflects so perfectly on the truth inside cloud that it makes him ache, and every steady roll of zack's hips sending little lightning bolts of pleasure thrilling up his spine.

it's perfect. almost unbearably so. like all that time meant nothing, like it's this easy to fall back into the way things used to be. ]

I missed you. [ echoing it back to him, pressing a line of open-mouthed kisses down zack's jaw. hooking one leg around the other man's waist, and making a low, ragged noise when that lets zack sink deeper. ] Just being around you made me crazy. You have no idea how much I wanted --

[exsurgo]

[ The next slide in when Cloud hitches a leg around him lets him in even deeper, makes him moan with it, and he chases the feeling - a little faster, now, losing the ability to hold back the way those tears made him want to until he was sure everything was okay. But then Cloud says that, and his next breath comes on a ragged laugh. ]

'course I do. I wanted it too. Just watching you every day, being around you - your face, the way you move - wanted to bend you over the bar. Or pull you into a back room and beg you to fuck me. I know 'cause I wanted it, too.

[disheroic]

Fuck.

[ is that a thing? getting off on the idea of someone else wanting you? apparently it is if that person is zack. just the thought of it -- him wanting cloud as badly as cloud as been wanting him, the fact that zack needed him so much he'd beg --

here's something cloud couldn't do when he was sixteen. he uses the leverage he has with one leg around zack's hips and the strength in his upper body to flip them, rolling neatly so that zack is sprawled on the mattress underneath him. and he's giving himself props for being able to do that without ever unseating zack from inside him, not wasting any time before he gets right to the task of riding him.

and it feels like this position just lets zack go deeper than before, especially when cloud rolls his hips just right, and he lets his head drop back with a low groan. ] Gonna -- haa -- have to figure out what I need to do to make you beg. I wanna hear it, Zack.

[exsurgo]

[ Fuck! Cloud flips them, and it's hot. He wishes they'd never been dumped in those tanks, sure, that Cloud had never been mako poisoned and been through everything that came after - but the fact that Cloud can easily match him now is hot, and this makes it flare up in him in a way Cloud carrying him up the stairs had only teased at. It's singing through him, and those flames only jump higher when Cloud seats himself right back down again so there's not a single inch of Zack's cock that isn't buried right inside him. His hands practically fly to Cloud's hips, clinging like he needs it just to stay grounded. ]

Yeah? I'd beg for you. Any time you want. I want you so much, all the time - fuck, you're so hot -

[disheroic]

[ it's undeniably hot. the way zack looks up at him like he can't quite believe cloud is real, the way he's so eager to offer up anything cloud wants. even now, there's still a part of cloud that can't believe he got this lucky -- it feels like it's only natural for him to want zack, but for zack to want him, too? incredible.

he picks up the pace, just because it feels like he'll go crazy if he can't get more. but he makes sure zack goes deep on every downward motion of his hips, because the way it feels to have zack buried all the way inside him makes everything in cloud sing. ]

Needed you. So bad. No one else can -- [ fumbling to grab one of zack's hands, pressing it low on cloud's belly. making sure that zack can feel his own dick moving inside cloud the next time cloud sinks down on him, nearly dizzy with how fucking good it feels. ] Only you.

[exsurgo]

Cloud-

[ Broken, ragged, panted out at the feel of that - the feeling of movement within Cloud's belly, the knowledge that it's his cock doing it. It's been so long and they still fit together just perfectly, each of them able to give they other what they need to drive them crazy. He presses firm, rocks his hips up to meet Cloud's next downward press, curses under his breath. ]

Yeah. You're perfect, perfect for me - I wanna give you what you need, always, every time you want it, any time -

[ He reaches back with the hand that's on Cloud's hip, fingertips questing gently until he can feel the place they're joined - Cloud's rim stretched tight around his cock, slick with lube, and the way Cloud slide down onto him like he needs it to live - like he needs it the way Zack needs him. ]

You're tight. So tight, and you still take me in so good. Take it, baby, take what you need. I need it too, so much -

[disheroic]

[ that just feels unfair. cloud is already an absolute mess, and then zack has to go and do that?

cloud doesn’t manage to stifle the low whine that escapes him as zack’s finger slides up along his rim. he’s stretched out so tightly around zack’s dick that he’s extra sensitive there, and it feels like the touch just calls even more attention to the way zack is pressed up into him. good, it’s so fucking good —

he braces himself with one hand splayed on zack’s chest, using that mako-enhanced strength to ride him in earnest. like he’s desperate for it, because he is. it’s nowhere near close to as much exertion as he can handle, but he’s still panting — the pleasure is like white-hot fireworks in his skull, the muscles in his thighs trembling as he chases that peak. ]

Zack — Need you to — Fuck, make me come, I need it so bad —

[exsurgo]

[ The sound of that whine lances through him, bright and searing. It's already so good, the rhythm of Cloud working over him building the pleasure within him, but every sound Cloud makes, everything he says just makes it swell and billow. And then Cloud plants a hand on his chest and moves faster, harder, something Zack can tell from the strenght of it is a result of the mako, and he swears low under his breath.

Before was amazing, every time, but there'd always been that little bit of him that stayed conscious of the need to be careful. To never get too lost in it, never give over so completely that he'd hurt Cloud. Now Cloud pins him to the bed and takes it, and it's the thought of it as much as the feel that stokes the flames of need in him into an inferno.

Hands back on Cloud's hips, then, and Zack shifts, bends his knees just enough that he can plant his feet flat on the bed and use the leverage to fuck up into Cloud, meeting every downward motion with equal strength. It's good, so good it almost feels as if he might shatter into pieces before either of them even come. He fixes his eyes on Cloud's face and that gives him something to hold on to - his beauty, his pleasure, all the love Zack holds for him. Something to keep him going when he can already feel himself falling apart with it. ]

Cloud, you're so good - you feel so good - I wanna feel it, I wanna feel you come. Make a mess of me. Wanna do it too, fill you up -

[disheroic]

[ zack starts fucking up into cloud in earnest, and it’s almost more than he can take. it takes a considerably effort just to keep up the motion of riding zack when the muscles of his thighs are trying to go to jelly — every thrust sends bright little flares of pleasure all the way through him, making him feel like he’s going to shatter into pieces.

but he wants it, wants that. because he knows zack will put him sweetly back together afterwards, that he’ll be safe and warm and loved while he’s coming back to himself again. ]

Zack — Zack, Zack, Zack — !! [ he wants to say more. wants to tell zack how good it feels, how much cloud loves him, how desperately he needed this. but that much is beyond him, and all his mouth can seem to remember is zack’s name.

the orgasm is bearing down on him, and then fuck, it breaks over him in a bright, shattering wave. his back arches into a bow, head thrown back, voice breaking around a cry that he forgets entirely to stifle. ]

[exsurgo]

That's it, baby, just like that, you look so good like that -

[ Good is an understatement. There's nothing in the world as beautiful as Cloud when he comes, flush-cheeked and radiant. Feels good too, the way it makes him squeeze tight, and Zack's own climax goes from building slowly to coming upon him all in a rush, but -

he wants to be close for this. Uses the fact that Cloud's climax has him distracted to surge up so he can wrap his arms around Cloud, press him tight as he rolls into him again. It doesn't take much - a few shallow thrusts combined with the way Cloud's body clenches around him, and he's there too. His vision whiting out in pulses, the pleasure of it cresting like a huge wave that drags him down, pulls him back under as he thinks he's about to surface. And on his lips, the only thing he ever wants to say like this. Cloud's name, over and over and over. ]

[disheroic]

[ zack wraps his arms around him, and cloud melts into him instantly. it’s good — even better when he can feel zack coming in a warm rush inside him, marking cloud as his all over again.

cloud slides his arms around zack in return, nuzzling into the crook of the other man’s neck and letting himself come down from the high. nice and slow, secure in the knowledge that he’s warm and safe and loved. ]

I love you. [ a little slurred around the edges, muffled into zack’s skin. ]

[exsurgo]

Me too. [ A little huff of a laugh, warm against Cloud's hair as Zack takes a few moments to come back to himself enough to manage laying back down, taking Cloud with him, and staying inside as he does. ] I mean, I love you, too. More than anything.

[ It's so good to be like this. Warm and close and together, finally, after all that time. He strokes a hand over Cloud's back, slowly up and down like petting because now that he's allowed? Any moment he's not reveling in the feel of Cloud feels wasted. He's gonna be better this time. Hold on tighter, never let anything happen to either of them. Make sure Cloud knows just how stitched through the fabric of Zack's life he is, so he'll never doubt it ever again.

...

Oh! ]

Hey. When you've got time, I wanna go to Gongaga. Introduce you to my parents.

[disheroic]

[ he sighs out a little sound as zack lays back with cloud still in his arms, every inch of him feeling achingly content to stay there forever. and the way zack strokes a warm hand up his back just lulls cloud further into afterglow; he tucks his head up under zack's chin and closes his eyes, soothed by the thump of zack's heart slowly steadying back out to even.

but --

that makes him freeze up a little. not because the idea of meeting zack's parents (zack wanting him to meet his parents) isn't great -- it is! -- but. ugh. eventually, he's just going to have to sit zack down and give him a full accounting of things, and he should probably do that before zack introduces him to his parents and they peg cloud as the guy who signs their paychecks.

wait, he doesn't want it to come off like -- ]

Yeah. I'd like that. [ hoping zack's brain is still sex-fogged enough to let cloud off the hook. ] Whenever you want.

[exsurgo]

[ He feels that little tense, and it makes him smile into Cloud's hair even before he follows up. ]

You don't have to be nervous. Ma's a little intense sometimes, but mostly to me. She's gonna love you, you'll see. She'll tell you you're too skinny and you need to eat, but she does that to Pa if he's away for work for more than two days and he's built like a tank. 's how she lets people know she cares.

[ The thought of it makes him warm all through. Taking Cloud back to his hometown, introducing him to his folks. Pa giving them bonecrushing hugs, Ma clucking her tongue at them, telling Zack his hair's too long, feeding Cloud until he can barely move. ]

Dunno how I'm even gonna start to explain everything that's happened. Hopefully she'll be so busy fussing over you she'll let me off easy.

[disheroic]

[ it's nice. even if the idea of meeting zack's parents is a little nervewracking, because cloud wants to make a good impression just as much as he knows he's shit at them.

but it reminds him of one of the memories he has managed to hold onto, safely crystallized in the debris of his mind. taking zack home to meet his mom the night before all the bad stuff went down, getting to sit across from the guy he loves at the kitchen table of his childhood home. just getting to see the two most important people in his life finally meet and find out for themselves why cloud loves them both so much.

thinking about it now is enough to make his chest ache. it hurts a little, but it's the good kind of hurt.

... still. he better get the least embarrassing thing out of the way now. ]

There's, uh. A Strife Delivery Service depot in Gongaga. [ doing his best to say this very casually, like he didn't set it up with a very specific goal in mind. ] I think your mom got hired to run it a year or so back?

[exsurgo]

To run it? Damn. Ma's moving up in the world.

[ He laughs, strokes fingers through Cloud's hair. His mother's one of those women who seems to be extra fierce to make up for how tiny she is. She's gotta be amazing at running a whole depot. She kept him in line as a kid, after all. Compared to that, keeping a bunch of couriers in line is cake. ]

Oooh, you're ma's boss. Does that make this nepotism? Don't answer, I wanna pretend I'm so good in bed you personally intervened to give her a classy job.

[disheroic]

[ whew. it seems like cloud managed to slip that one in under the radar, at least.

plenty of places had struggled after shinra had crumbled. and even though gongaga had already stopped relying on mako energy years before, they'd felt the strain just like everyone else. and... if zack had still been around, he would've taken care of his folks, obviously. and if cloud was most of the reason that zack couldn't be there for them? it only made sense that cloud do whatever he could to take care of them, instead.

it was just lucky that it made sense to put a depot in gongaga. also, that zack's mom had made for one hell of a candidate -- disciplined, organized, and more than capable of cracking the whip and keeping the whole place in line. it had made sense to hire her, and she'd been doing a damn good job running the place ever since.

(and for the rest of it? cloud had been funneling money to rufus for years and getting him to pay it out to zack's parents and call it zack's pension, but. his tracks are pretty well covered on that one. no need to fess up -- let zack think someone in the shinra family has something that's halfway to a conscience, if he wants.) ]

Noted. [ dryly, nipping at zack's earlobe. ] Should I tell her that's why she got hired, or d'you want the honor?

[exsurgo]

She's a smart woman! She'll figure it out.

Plus she'd kick my ass if I said anything that rude to her. Plus Pa'd get all disappointed in me for implying she didn't get the job on her own merits. I can't handle that, man. I take after him. You think I can pull off puppy eyes? They're just his, but diluted by half.

[ That's almost scarier than his ma, to be honest. There's something about a man built like he could throw you across the room giving you a look like he's Bambi and you just shot him mother right in front of him. ]

[disheroic]

Okay, okay.

[ surrender! as if there was any real chance of him breathing a single word about their sex life to zack's parents. ] I'll take the secret to my grave.

[ nuzzling drowsily against zack's skin with a little hum. ] ... I wish I could tell my mom. She told me I better lock you down that night I brought you home to meet her.

[exsurgo]

[ Oh.

That's... sad. Not too sad, not sad enough to take away from any of the joy he feels about everything right now, but he'd liked Cloud's mom. She was sweet and soft-spoken, but had this core of steel to her. The kind of quiet strength you'd need as a single mom in a place like Nibelheim, if you were gonna raise a kid who got treated as crappy as Cloud did and have him turn out anything other than a little shithead. He only met her the once, but he felt like he knew her because of who Cloud is. Kind, good, dedicated to his ideals. And it had been kind of funny to see her for the first time after having spent so much time staring at Cloud's face; whoever Cloud's dad was, it's hard to imagine a drop of his DNA went into how Cloud looked. It would have been good to tell her, to invite her to the wedding. To see her watching her son with those big blue eyes, or chatting with his ma, all blonde willowy grace next to a a woman he thinks of as a human sparkplug with her masses of black hair.

He strokes his fingers in Cloud's hair, soft and loving. ]

We could ask Aerith. I don't know exactly how what she does works, but if anyone can pass the message on for us, it'd be her.

[disheroic]

Mm. I asked her to, once.

[ it's probably not something he would admit if it wasn't in a moment like this -- warm and safe and sleepy, wrapped up in zack's arms like they're the only two people left in the world. ] I wanted to talk to you. To tell you I was sorry, to say how much I missed you.

She told me I didn't need her help. That you're always carrying the people who meant the most along with you.