and i say it's worth it, too

[exsurgo]

[ He’d been wrong for so long. All those dreams, all that talk of being a hero, and it turns out doing the heroic stuff is kinda shitty. 13-year-old Zack Fair packing his bags to head off and join up with Shinra would have been horrified to even think it, but a quiet life is pretty damn good.

That’s what they have now, for the most part. Cloud hooked him up with a place to stay (in the same house as Cloud, but not in the same room) and a job (for Cloud’s delivery business – Cloud Strife, entrepreneur! Who’d have thought?), and even friends, even if Aerith smacks him in the arm (with tears in her eyes, to be fair) over all her unanswered letters. And it’s good. It’s good to have fighting be the rare exception rather than the norm, to get up early because he wants to rather than because he’ll get hauled into disciplinary proceedings if he doesn’t, to come home at the end of the day to meals they all pitch in to make and a table full of laughter. And it’s so, so good to be with Cloud. Even if he hasn’t been – you know, with Cloud.

Not that they haven’t been intimate! Some of the time they’ve spent together has felt more intimate, more naked than any of the sex they’d had before... everything. Times Cloud came into his room and held him close and ran quiet fingers through his hair after Zack woke up screaming from another dream about Cloud being trapped in that mako tank again. Times when they’d laid together on the bed and Cloud had told Zack what he remembered and Zack had filled in the blanks, wanting to be careful not to overwhelm him but so eager to share he almost couldn’t help it. And they’ve kissed, a few times, chastely and briefly – but there’s still a distance between them. Zack had thought Cloud might have had someone else, for a little while. Been convinced he was with Tifa, who is beautiful and funny and kind but not enough of any of those things for Zack not to feel relieved when she smiled at him and told him no, no. We tried it, but... it didn’t work out. It’s just... Cloud, keeping a kind and polite but pretty firm boundary between them.

It’s okay. It’s okay! A lot has changed! Cloud has been through so much that he seems like the older one now, and Zack had... died, maybe, but at least not been there for some literal world-endingly intense stuff. But he still loves Cloud, in that way where you know no matter what you do or what you try it’s not going away, and still wants him. So Zack does his best to be respectful, telling himself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

That doesn’t mean he’s gonna turn down a chance to help it along, though. So when it’s a quiet evening and the house is empty but for the two of them – unheard of, but Barrett and the girls have taken the kids out to see some show – and the lights are low and Cloud is talking in his quiet, measured way about something that had happened out at work and Zack doesn’t hear a word of it because he’s thinking yet again about how gorgeous Cloud is -

well, who’s gonna hold it against him if he leans in and kisses Cloud right on the mouth?

...not Cloud, hopefully. ]

Comments

[disheroic]

[ whew. it seems like cloud managed to slip that one in under the radar, at least.

plenty of places had struggled after shinra had crumbled. and even though gongaga had already stopped relying on mako energy years before, they'd felt the strain just like everyone else. and... if zack had still been around, he would've taken care of his folks, obviously. and if cloud was most of the reason that zack couldn't be there for them? it only made sense that cloud do whatever he could to take care of them, instead.

it was just lucky that it made sense to put a depot in gongaga. also, that zack's mom had made for one hell of a candidate -- disciplined, organized, and more than capable of cracking the whip and keeping the whole place in line. it had made sense to hire her, and she'd been doing a damn good job running the place ever since.

(and for the rest of it? cloud had been funneling money to rufus for years and getting him to pay it out to zack's parents and call it zack's pension, but. his tracks are pretty well covered on that one. no need to fess up -- let zack think someone in the shinra family has something that's halfway to a conscience, if he wants.) ]

Noted. [ dryly, nipping at zack's earlobe. ] Should I tell her that's why she got hired, or d'you want the honor?

[exsurgo]

She's a smart woman! She'll figure it out.

Plus she'd kick my ass if I said anything that rude to her. Plus Pa'd get all disappointed in me for implying she didn't get the job on her own merits. I can't handle that, man. I take after him. You think I can pull off puppy eyes? They're just his, but diluted by half.

[ That's almost scarier than his ma, to be honest. There's something about a man built like he could throw you across the room giving you a look like he's Bambi and you just shot him mother right in front of him. ]

[disheroic]

Okay, okay.

[ surrender! as if there was any real chance of him breathing a single word about their sex life to zack's parents. ] I'll take the secret to my grave.

[ nuzzling drowsily against zack's skin with a little hum. ] ... I wish I could tell my mom. She told me I better lock you down that night I brought you home to meet her.

[exsurgo]

[ Oh.

That's... sad. Not too sad, not sad enough to take away from any of the joy he feels about everything right now, but he'd liked Cloud's mom. She was sweet and soft-spoken, but had this core of steel to her. The kind of quiet strength you'd need as a single mom in a place like Nibelheim, if you were gonna raise a kid who got treated as crappy as Cloud did and have him turn out anything other than a little shithead. He only met her the once, but he felt like he knew her because of who Cloud is. Kind, good, dedicated to his ideals. And it had been kind of funny to see her for the first time after having spent so much time staring at Cloud's face; whoever Cloud's dad was, it's hard to imagine a drop of his DNA went into how Cloud looked. It would have been good to tell her, to invite her to the wedding. To see her watching her son with those big blue eyes, or chatting with his ma, all blonde willowy grace next to a a woman he thinks of as a human sparkplug with her masses of black hair.

He strokes his fingers in Cloud's hair, soft and loving. ]

We could ask Aerith. I don't know exactly how what she does works, but if anyone can pass the message on for us, it'd be her.

[disheroic]

Mm. I asked her to, once.

[ it's probably not something he would admit if it wasn't in a moment like this -- warm and safe and sleepy, wrapped up in zack's arms like they're the only two people left in the world. ] I wanted to talk to you. To tell you I was sorry, to say how much I missed you.

She told me I didn't need her help. That you're always carrying the people who meant the most along with you.

[exsurgo]

[ That's nice. It might be true! It might also be a cop-out from someone who couldn't find him 'cause he was in a tank somewhere instead of in the lifestream and had to make up some comforting bullshit so Cloud didn't think Zack was in hell or whatever, but he likes to think it's true. That all the times he's pulled off something he wasn't sure he could do and taken a little moment to thank Angeal, Angeal heard him. ]

We can tell her together, then. She probably already knows, but I bet she'd still like to hear it straight from you.

[disheroic]

Yeah.

[ another little pause, and then... he shifts so he can props his chin on zack's chest, looking up at him. ] I know you weren't... dead, but. Even before I remembered who you were, I used to...

[ it sounds fucking crazy. it probably is fucking crazy. ] ... there was this voice that'd talk to me, sometimes. Tell me I was gonna be okay, or maybe just tell me a stupid joke. When I thought I couldn't keep going, it'd show up just to let me know I wasn't alone.

You never left me alone. [ softly, splaying a hand on zack's chest just to feel the steady thump of his heart. ] You stayed with me, you watched my back.

[exsurgo]

Yeah?

[ He's getting choked up again just hearing it. Cloud looking up at him like that, saying that he still had a little piece of Zack with him through all of it? The thought that he might not have left Cloud as all alone as he thought?

He tries hard. Presses his lips together tight when he feels the bottom one start to wobble traitorously, but there's no stopping the tears that well in his eyes. ]

That's... great. Like I got to live in your heart even when I wasn't really doing any living of my own. S'a better legacy than what I asked for.

[ But that's way too maudlin! He grins at Cloud even as the first tear pools enough that it slides out of the corner of his eye. ]

And now I get to build the best legacy of all: most devoted damn husband you could ever hope for.

[disheroic]

[ the sight of tears doesn't make cloud panic. because he gets it! he does. it's what he and tifa have both told the kids: sometimes emotions are just too big to stay inside of you, and they need a way to come out.

zack fair is just a guy who can't seem to help but serve up emotions in the Too Big variety. and hell, it's one of many reasons that cloud loves him as much as he does.

he leans up enough to kiss that first tear away, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. ]

And now I get to hear your bad jokes in person. Lucky me.

[exsurgo]

For the rest of our lives. Man, I better come up with some new ones.

[ But he takes advatage of Cloud leaning up to kiss his tears away by catching him in place and kissing him on the mouth. Slow, deep, lingering. Full of all his love, all his gratitude. That Cloud's still here, that Cloud still loves him and wants him. That despite it all, they're together again. Cloud's so warm, and he's so happy (and so loose-limbed and sated) that he's a little sleepy, but it's still hard to want to actually fall asleep. It's the best night of his life, after all! ]

Kind of cool I already got to spend the rest of my life with you once, and now I can do it again.

[disheroic]

[ it's a good kiss. the kind that makes cloud feel warm and melty and loved all the way through, and he's pretty sure he's smiling like an idiot by the time zack pulls away again. ]

Makes you sound like a cat. [ settling himself back down so that he can use zack as a pillow, lulled by the steady rise and fall of his chest. ] Wonder how many lives you have left?

[exsurgo]

Nuh-uh. You're a cat. I'm the dog. One day you're gonna catch me [ pause for a yawn ] getting territorial and barking at all that wolf stuff you have around.

[ Cloud feels nice there. The pressure of his body over Zack's, gently weighing him down. Like an anchor keeping him safe, holding him steady. ]

[disheroic]

Just like a puppy.

[ reaching up to give zack's scalp an affectionate little scritch, drowsy and affectionate. ] Barking at your own reflection.

[exsurgo]

[ There's a little noise as that processes, not entirely like a dog making an inquisitive barauu? before he grins sleepily. ]

Aw, hell. Go to sleep before you make me cry again.

When we wake up... we can tell everyone. Start planning the wedding.

[ They were gonna be forever anyway, even if they hadn't figured this bit out. But it's still a good thought - one step closer to forever with everyone knowing it. ]

[disheroic]

Yeah.

[ he settles himself so that he's draped over zack like a security blanket, pressing a kiss to the other man's temple. sleep hasn't come easily to cloud in years, but now? there's a drowsiness that comes hand-in-hand with this kind of warm security, and he's more than happy to let himself be lulled into it.

only after he makes sure that zack is able to doze off soundly, of course. ]

We can. Whatever you want. [ this time around? he's going to give zack the world. ]