fourstrings | and i say it's worth it, too

and i say it's worth it, too

[ He’d been wrong for so long. All those dreams, all that talk of being a hero, and it turns out doing the heroic stuff is kinda shitty. 13-year-old Zack Fair packing his bags to head off and join up with Shinra would have been horrified to even think it, but a quiet life is pretty damn good.

That’s what they have now, for the most part. Cloud hooked him up with a place to stay (in the same house as Cloud, but not in the same room) and a job (for Cloud’s delivery business – Cloud Strife, entrepreneur! Who’d have thought?), and even friends, even if Aerith smacks him in the arm (with tears in her eyes, to be fair) over all her unanswered letters. And it’s good. It’s good to have fighting be the rare exception rather than the norm, to get up early because he wants to rather than because he’ll get hauled into disciplinary proceedings if he doesn’t, to come home at the end of the day to meals they all pitch in to make and a table full of laughter. And it’s so, so good to be with Cloud. Even if he hasn’t been – you know, with Cloud.

Not that they haven’t been intimate! Some of the time they’ve spent together has felt more intimate, more naked than any of the sex they’d had before... everything. Times Cloud came into his room and held him close and ran quiet fingers through his hair after Zack woke up screaming from another dream about Cloud being trapped in that mako tank again. Times when they’d laid together on the bed and Cloud had told Zack what he remembered and Zack had filled in the blanks, wanting to be careful not to overwhelm him but so eager to share he almost couldn’t help it. And they’ve kissed, a few times, chastely and briefly – but there’s still a distance between them. Zack had thought Cloud might have had someone else, for a little while. Been convinced he was with Tifa, who is beautiful and funny and kind but not enough of any of those things for Zack not to feel relieved when she smiled at him and told him no, no. We tried it, but... it didn’t work out. It’s just... Cloud, keeping a kind and polite but pretty firm boundary between them.

It’s okay. It’s okay! A lot has changed! Cloud has been through so much that he seems like the older one now, and Zack had... died, maybe, but at least not been there for some literal world-endingly intense stuff. But he still loves Cloud, in that way where you know no matter what you do or what you try it’s not going away, and still wants him. So Zack does his best to be respectful, telling himself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

That doesn’t mean he’s gonna turn down a chance to help it along, though. So when it’s a quiet evening and the house is empty but for the two of them – unheard of, but Barrett and the girls have taken the kids out to see some show – and the lights are low and Cloud is talking in his quiet, measured way about something that had happened out at work and Zack doesn’t hear a word of it because he’s thinking yet again about how gorgeous Cloud is -

well, who’s gonna hold it against him if he leans in and kisses Cloud right on the mouth?

...not Cloud, hopefully. ]

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[ He heard that! That little whine. It's hot, so hot he's determined to get more of it, so it's a few more circling laps with his tongue before he presses in. Gives a muffled moan as he feels the tip it it breach that tight furl, everything in him drawing tight and thrumming at the knowledge that part of him is inside Cloud again, finally. Gives up on any pretense, hauls Cloud's thighs over his shoulders and sets to eating him out like a starving man.

Now that he's started, the greed in him is uncontrollable. Fuck, he hasn't even been awake that long but it feels like years, decades of longing for Cloud and not having him. He shifts so he can put his hands on the firm cheeks of Cloud's ass and spread them, lapping hungrily before his tongue delves in again. Like an addict getting his fix, so filled with need that he has no concept of enough or too much anymore. ]

[ honestly, it seems a little rude for zack to respond to cloud asking zack to make love to him by then turning around and trying to kill him. because that’s what’s happening here, right? zack eats him out like he’s a starving man and cloud is the first meal he’s stumbled across in days, and cloud is helpless against it.

he tightens the hand he has tangled in zack’s hair and bites off another needy sound, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. there’s a part of him that almost wishes he could block out the greedy, messy sounds of zack eating him out — it’s almost too much when cloud is already this close to being overcome. he’s panting raggedly, trying to stop himself from squirming against the sheets. ]

Z-Zack, that’s —

[ Good? Hopefully he was going to say good, because Zack keeps going. By the end of the night he wants to hear Cloud making those sounds without choking them off, unguarded and undone. He fumbles for the lube, a little slapping at the bedding because he won't move his mouth away in order to actually look for it, but once he's got it? The dexterity all his training has given him pays off as he slicks his fingers and moves his mouth back from its work only long enough to press one finger in. Still working his mouth over Cloud as he does, raising a little to lick over his taint so he doesn't go ahead and waste the effort of lubing up by licking it off his own finger. But once it's seated he's right back to it - dragging his tongue over Cloud's rim where it's now stretched around his finger.

Honestly, it's a shame they didn't clone him so he could kiss Cloud, do this, and suck his dick all at the same time. ]

[ zack slides that first finger into him, and cloud sighs. it's been a while since he's done this, but it's zack, and that means cloud already can't get enough. he rolls his hips down against zack's hand, breath hitching when zack runs his tongue right where he's got cloud stretched open. ]

Zack. More, more -- I need --

[ rushing it, maybe, but he can't help it. ]

Yeah? Okay. Okay, baby, I got you.

[ It's so hot - Cloud asking for more already, like he needs it so much he can't wait. He's a little slower, a little more cautious as he slides that second finger in - but once it's there he can't help looking, groaning at the sight of it. He buries kisses against the inside of Cloud's thigh, head cocked at an angle as he does so he can watch the way Cloud's stretched around his fingers, stroking them inside of him. He's hot inside, so soft but still so tight just around that touch, and the thought of all of that around his dick makes him groan. ]

Ohhh, look at that. Wish you could see this.

[ zack works that second finger into him, and it's good. enough to drag a little keening noise out of cloud, dropping his head back against the pillows and squeezing his eyes shut as he lets himself settle into the adjustment. it doesn't hurt, but it's a lot -- all of it is. having zack be the one to touch him, listening to zack tell him how good he is and how good he looks, knowing exactly where all of this is headed.

(and to think, there had been a part of cloud who'd figured maybe he just wasn't that into the whole sex thing anymore.) ]

Zack -- [ it's halfway to a plea, because there's a part of cloud that feels like he's going to go crazy before he even gets zack inside him. ]

[ One more lingering lick over where Cloud's stretched around his fingers, and then he moves back up so he can kiss Cloud. Sure, Cloud's bigger and taller now, but there's still enough of a difference that Zack can keep his fingers right where they are as he does. He twists them gently, and he knows this is meant to be in service of getting Cloud ready for the making love he asked for, but now that he can see Cloud's face again he can't help stroking, pressing, looking for that one spot inside that always gets a reaction. ]

You're so gorgeous. You sound so good like this, baby. Missed having you like this.

[ ah! good! kissing is an obvious reprieve from at least some of zack's attack on him, which is one reason cloud leans up to meet it so eagerly. curls a hand at the nape of zack's neck to try and keep him there, licking greedily into his mouth --

but then zack twists his fingers, hooks them upwards inside him, and cloud breaks off the kiss with a stifled little groan. he's so hard that his cock is leaking onto his belly, and still. still. zack isn't giving him any mercy. ]

Zack. [ dragging the other man back down to him, nipping at his lower lip before pressing into another greedy kiss. half-desperate to shut him up, because it feels like there's a real risk that zack could make him come just by telling cloud how good zack thinks he looks. ]

[ It's incredible. The nip of Cloud's teeth, the kiss, hearing him like this and knowing it's because of what Zack's doing - perfect, and even better to think there's years of this ahead of them. One more little upward press of his fingers, a little bite to Cloud's lip, and he pulls back. His face, that is - his fingers keep working right where they are. ]

I want you so much. What do you think? You ready, baby?

[ unfair. because zack is working those fingers inside cloud with purpose, knowing exactly what it does to cloud, and then still expecting him to string words together. which is why, yes, fuck, he is ready, but it still takes him a minute to be able to answer. ]

Yes. Yeah. [ panting, struggling to keep himself still and not grind desperately down into those fingers zack is fucking him with. but, listen, he can give almost as good as he gets, which is why: ] If you don't fuck me already --

[ a stifled gasp as zack presses directly on that spot, lashes fluttering. ] ... I'm gonna tie you up and make you watch me do it myself.

[ Oh fuck.

This is already amazing - the ragged sound of Cloud's voice, the way it gets a little growly, the look on his face when Zack presses just right - and now that image in his head too? Zack moans, rolls his hips to press his cock against Cloud's side, rubs again in a bid for revenge. ]

No deal. I fuck you now, you still tie me up and make me watch later. I'm holding you to it.

[ But he's not cruel enough to make Cloud promise. One more twist of his fingers and he withdraws them, grabs the lube to slick himself. He can't resist a little teasing, rubbing the head of his cock against Cloud's rim for a moment, but the grin slides right off his face as he starts to push in. It's unbelievable - except that it's Cloud so he already knows he feels like heaven. ]

Cloud-

[ cloud huffs a little sound, because it's just like zack to be immune to a threat like that. and he might press the issue, but --

then zack is pulling his fingers out of him, and cloud can't help the wounded little sound of loss he makes. the only thing that keeps him from really protesting is the fact that zack scrambles to settle between cloud's legs almost immediately after, even if he's still got the nerve to tease. (it's fine. it is. cloud is keeping a careful tally of all of this, and he'll happily even the scales later.)

but. then zack is rocking his hips forward, pressing in, and fuck. immediately, he reaches up to wrap his arms around zack's shoulders, burying his face into the crook of zack's neck. it's overwhelming. the feeling of zack sinking slowly into him, splitting cloud sweetly open, and the way all of it is so familiar that it's like coming home.

cloud is pretty sure he hasn't cried since that day he left zack behind on the cliffside. there's a part of him that was sure he'd forgotten the trick of it, that something in him was too broken to even do it, but. now? there's a tell-tale lump wedged in his throat and a burn at the corner of his eyes, and he'd be embarrassed that zack putting it in is literally enough to move him to tears if he wasn't so overwhelmed by the rest of it. ]

[ It's so good he has to close his eyes against the force of it - if he feels this and has to look at Cloud's beautiful face as he does, he doesn't stand a chance. He's going slow, but he doesn't stop until he's pressed all the way, his cock sheathed neatly inside the warm safety of Cloud - as close to being one as he can get. He does forget to breathe, now, the air trapped iside him like it's frozen in wonder until he finally opens his eyes and looks at Cloud's face.

He gets it. He does. He feels like crying himself, and he hasn't even gone through what Cloud has - forgetting, remembering only to find him dead and gone. He dips his face, kisses the dampness at the corners of Cloud's eyes. ]

Shh, shh. I'm here, baby. I'm here and I'm never leaving you again.

[ zack’s got his eyes closed, and for a moment? cloud thinks he’s going to get away with it. like there’s some hope that he’ll be able to pull himself together with zack settling all the way inside him — filling him up so perfectly that it’s like cloud’s body was made for him, offering up this undeniable proof that some things have managed to stay exactly the same.

but then zack is crooning reassurances to him, kissing at the tears at the corners of cloud’s eyes, and fuck. he’s embarrassed; the moment he realized he had zack back, cloud had resolved to be as much of a source of stability for him as he could. maybe it’s why he hasn’t let himself process all of it until now, and it’s finally hitting him in force. ]

I got you back. [ it’s low, ragged around the edges. and he presses forward to press a kiss against the corner of zack’s mouth, the scar on his cheek. ] I got you back.

You did. I love you.

[ No great proclamation, but it feels right just to reaffirm, reassure. He leans in, kisses Cloud properly - something slow, deep and lingering. It's good tears, he thinks, but it still makes him ache to to see it, to think of everything Cloud went through to get him to the point where tears were even an option. There's one thing he's always been able to do to distract Cloud, so he does it.

The first roll of his hips makes him groan. It's good enough that he might start crying too, just from this - the slow draw out, the slide back in, so warm and tight that it sends sparks up his spine. And easy, like Cloud's body missed him, is welcoming him home. It's good, so good, and he repeats it, scattering kisses against Cloud's face as he does. ]

We're here. Together. Where we belong.

[ i love you.

he can't say it back, so he pours it into that kiss when zack's mouth meets his. all of it, every ounce, this love that fills him up so much that his heart aches like it'll burst. the kind of love he'd thought his heart was too broken to feel again, the kind of love that's always been just for zack.

and that first slow roll of zack's hips is enough to make cloud suck in a gasp, arching up underneath him. it's good; almost better than he can believe, and so achingly, wonderfully familiar that it feels like he's reclaiming something. not lost, not like he'd thought, just out of reach for a little while. ]

Where we belong. [ parroting it back to him, too overwhelmed for much else. and it already says it all, doesn't it? ] Zack --

[ He feels it. All that love, tucked away for so long and now back stronger than ever. He knows it, because his is just the same - like the time and the distance only made it grow. It's a massive thing now, something he can't hold in just himself. Good thing he's got Cloud here to pour it back into.

He falls into a rhythm easily, every part of him wanting more. Just Cloud, Cloud, Cloud - to bury himself in, wrap himself in like a favourite blanket, to cherish forever. Every press in better than the last, the pleasure of it filling him like it's enough to split his skin -

but it won't, because he's with Cloud. Safe. Where he's meant to be. ]

Missed this. I missed you. I needed you so much-

[ the next breath cloud drags in shudders. he's just as lost in what zack is saying to him as what he's doing -- every word reflects so perfectly on the truth inside cloud that it makes him ache, and every steady roll of zack's hips sending little lightning bolts of pleasure thrilling up his spine.

it's perfect. almost unbearably so. like all that time meant nothing, like it's this easy to fall back into the way things used to be. ]

I missed you. [ echoing it back to him, pressing a line of open-mouthed kisses down zack's jaw. hooking one leg around the other man's waist, and making a low, ragged noise when that lets zack sink deeper. ] Just being around you made me crazy. You have no idea how much I wanted --

[ The next slide in when Cloud hitches a leg around him lets him in even deeper, makes him moan with it, and he chases the feeling - a little faster, now, losing the ability to hold back the way those tears made him want to until he was sure everything was okay. But then Cloud says that, and his next breath comes on a ragged laugh. ]

'course I do. I wanted it too. Just watching you every day, being around you - your face, the way you move - wanted to bend you over the bar. Or pull you into a back room and beg you to fuck me. I know 'cause I wanted it, too.

Fuck.

[ is that a thing? getting off on the idea of someone else wanting you? apparently it is if that person is zack. just the thought of it -- him wanting cloud as badly as cloud as been wanting him, the fact that zack needed him so much he'd beg --

here's something cloud couldn't do when he was sixteen. he uses the leverage he has with one leg around zack's hips and the strength in his upper body to flip them, rolling neatly so that zack is sprawled on the mattress underneath him. and he's giving himself props for being able to do that without ever unseating zack from inside him, not wasting any time before he gets right to the task of riding him.

and it feels like this position just lets zack go deeper than before, especially when cloud rolls his hips just right, and he lets his head drop back with a low groan. ] Gonna -- haa -- have to figure out what I need to do to make you beg. I wanna hear it, Zack.

[ Fuck! Cloud flips them, and it's hot. He wishes they'd never been dumped in those tanks, sure, that Cloud had never been mako poisoned and been through everything that came after - but the fact that Cloud can easily match him now is hot, and this makes it flare up in him in a way Cloud carrying him up the stairs had only teased at. It's singing through him, and those flames only jump higher when Cloud seats himself right back down again so there's not a single inch of Zack's cock that isn't buried right inside him. His hands practically fly to Cloud's hips, clinging like he needs it just to stay grounded. ]

Yeah? I'd beg for you. Any time you want. I want you so much, all the time - fuck, you're so hot -

[ it's undeniably hot. the way zack looks up at him like he can't quite believe cloud is real, the way he's so eager to offer up anything cloud wants. even now, there's still a part of cloud that can't believe he got this lucky -- it feels like it's only natural for him to want zack, but for zack to want him, too? incredible.

he picks up the pace, just because it feels like he'll go crazy if he can't get more. but he makes sure zack goes deep on every downward motion of his hips, because the way it feels to have zack buried all the way inside him makes everything in cloud sing. ]

Needed you. So bad. No one else can -- [ fumbling to grab one of zack's hands, pressing it low on cloud's belly. making sure that zack can feel his own dick moving inside cloud the next time cloud sinks down on him, nearly dizzy with how fucking good it feels. ] Only you.

Cloud-

[ Broken, ragged, panted out at the feel of that - the feeling of movement within Cloud's belly, the knowledge that it's his cock doing it. It's been so long and they still fit together just perfectly, each of them able to give they other what they need to drive them crazy. He presses firm, rocks his hips up to meet Cloud's next downward press, curses under his breath. ]

Yeah. You're perfect, perfect for me - I wanna give you what you need, always, every time you want it, any time -

[ He reaches back with the hand that's on Cloud's hip, fingertips questing gently until he can feel the place they're joined - Cloud's rim stretched tight around his cock, slick with lube, and the way Cloud slide down onto him like he needs it to live - like he needs it the way Zack needs him. ]

You're tight. So tight, and you still take me in so good. Take it, baby, take what you need. I need it too, so much -

[ that just feels unfair. cloud is already an absolute mess, and then zack has to go and do that?

cloud doesn’t manage to stifle the low whine that escapes him as zack’s finger slides up along his rim. he’s stretched out so tightly around zack’s dick that he’s extra sensitive there, and it feels like the touch just calls even more attention to the way zack is pressed up into him. good, it’s so fucking good —

he braces himself with one hand splayed on zack’s chest, using that mako-enhanced strength to ride him in earnest. like he’s desperate for it, because he is. it’s nowhere near close to as much exertion as he can handle, but he’s still panting — the pleasure is like white-hot fireworks in his skull, the muscles in his thighs trembling as he chases that peak. ]

Zack — Need you to — Fuck, make me come, I need it so bad —

[ The sound of that whine lances through him, bright and searing. It's already so good, the rhythm of Cloud working over him building the pleasure within him, but every sound Cloud makes, everything he says just makes it swell and billow. And then Cloud plants a hand on his chest and moves faster, harder, something Zack can tell from the strenght of it is a result of the mako, and he swears low under his breath.

Before was amazing, every time, but there'd always been that little bit of him that stayed conscious of the need to be careful. To never get too lost in it, never give over so completely that he'd hurt Cloud. Now Cloud pins him to the bed and takes it, and it's the thought of it as much as the feel that stokes the flames of need in him into an inferno.

Hands back on Cloud's hips, then, and Zack shifts, bends his knees just enough that he can plant his feet flat on the bed and use the leverage to fuck up into Cloud, meeting every downward motion with equal strength. It's good, so good it almost feels as if he might shatter into pieces before either of them even come. He fixes his eyes on Cloud's face and that gives him something to hold on to - his beauty, his pleasure, all the love Zack holds for him. Something to keep him going when he can already feel himself falling apart with it. ]

Cloud, you're so good - you feel so good - I wanna feel it, I wanna feel you come. Make a mess of me. Wanna do it too, fill you up -

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