fourstrings | i like to keep my issues strong

i like to keep my issues strong

[ Apparently he universe doesn't care when someone could really use a break; if it needs saving, it's gonna continue to need saving until somebody does something about it. Right now that somebody is them, so Shiro is extra tense until he can finally chisel out a moment of calm.

He's dimly aware how selfish that is. Being frustrated and edgy until he can get a proper moment to check on Keith seems incredibly greedy, considering what Keith went through to put Shiro so on edge in the first place. But he's learned how to channel unhelpful emotions into helpful action, and he's still in that mindset when he settles his hand between Keith's shoulder blades and steers the pair of them toward a bathroom. Not the showers they all hose off in after a mission, but a real bathroom with a bath the size of a hot tub - the Castle of Lions is a castle, after all, as Allura had said when she slyly tipped Shiro off to its existence. ]

Come on.

[ With anyone else, he might say: we should talk. Or: you need a break. The first would make Keith assume the worst, make him clam up or run, and the second would only bring out a denial and have him run in a different way, throwing himself into something to prove he doesn't need a break, that he's still strong, that he can be good enough.

Keith's always been good enough to Shiro, which is why he says none of those things. He just lets the door open and close for them, wraps his arms around Keith and holds him, grateful for the fact that he's still here and filled with so much pride and concern that the weight of it could bring him to his knees. ]

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You always have so much faith in people.

[ and it's one of the things keith admires about shiro; even after everything he's been through, he still finds a way to see the good in the universe around them. and he ducks his head enough to press a kiss to one of the scars arching over shiro's shoulder at the thought, wishing he was the kind of person who could put into words just how amazing he thinks shiro is for not letting what happened to him wall him off behind bitterness and anger and fear.

keith wishes he could be more like him, sometimes. especially now. ]

... but after everything the Galra have done to Allura, I wouldn't... [ he pauses, smoothing out the little hitch in his breathing before he continues. ] ... if she wanted me to leave, I'd get it.

[ Keith has a point. It's easy for Shiro, who's know Keith for years, to see him as entirely distinct from the people who had held Shiro captive, made him fight, modified him. But Allura - Allura has lost everything to the Galra. Shiro presses his lips together a moment, his hand still tracing that lazy path along Keith's spine, and he sighs. ]

Allura's a smart woman. Even if she feels that way - and I hope that she doesn't - she'll understand that unless we can form Voltron, we'll be worth much less in the fight. I don't think she'd risk that.

[ keith drops his cheek onto shiro's shoulder, breathing out in a slow sigh. there's a part of him that wants desperately to believe what shiro is telling him, but... there's another part that expects the people in his life, the people he loves, to leave him. and once they find out he's galra, he's practically given them the perfect excuse. ]

You could find another Paladin.

I'm only here because of you, Shiro, it's not like I'm something special.

[ It's difficult to change what people believe. Harder still to change what people believe about themselves, and that's one of the few aspects in which Shiro feels he and Keith are worlds apart. Shiro has always dealt with his doubts about himself by looking at them head on and telling them no, loudly and clearly, until he believed himself. Keith... Keith doesn't quit, Keith is one of the most driven people Shiro's ever known when he sets his mind to a purpose, but Keith also seems painfully ready to take every unkind thought anyone's ever had about him on board and carry them with him, like his very existence is something he has to do penance for. And now that he knows he's part Galra it's easy to see him latching on to that, using that as the justification for his willingness to bear every burden placed upon him. Shiro doesn't know where to start disproving that, so... he defaults to what he's always done for himself. ]

No.

From a practical perspective, we have no idea how long it would take to find someone else who could both pilot the Red lion and mesh with the team well enough to be a part of it. However long it is, that's time we don't have to waste. And as for you not being special -

Keith, I'm here because of you. Don't forget that you're the one who made it possible to get me out of quarantine. You're also the person who did the work that let us find the Blue lion, without the benefit of Altean technology. Without even knowing what Voltron is. That's special. You do more to protect the things that are important to you than anyone else I know, and you've taken all the pain in your life and turned it into drive. And despite all of that, you're still... you. Beautiful and funny and kind, even if you try to keep that part quiet.

That seems pretty damn special to me.

Shiro --

[ it shouldn't be a surprise. shiro has always believed in him, seen the very best in him, way before keith could ever begin to believe that it was there. and deep down, keith knows that shiro is too good to ever let this revelation about keith's galra heritage change that, but...

it's different, hearing shiro spell it out for him so clearly. and the thought that shiro thinks keith is the hero in this story is a little overwhelming. does he believe it? no, not really. but he believes that shiro believes it, and that's more than enough for him. ]

... god, you're so --

[ he can't even find the words for it! so instead he just shakes his head a little, squeezing his arms tightly around shiro and pressing his face a little more firmly against the other man's shoulder. ]

Hopelessly in love? Yeah.

[ And it feels good to hear that tone in Keith's voice that suggests he might not be rejecting Shiro said outright. It feels good to have Keith squeeze him tight. So Shiro lifts a hand to cradle the back of Keith's head, threading fingers into his hair, and smiles. ]

But for what it's worth, I'd think that about you anyway. It's obvious to anyone who gets close enough to see.

I'm just glad you're here to see that stuff. To remind me it exists, I guess.

[ and when he finally lifts his head, it's just to press a kiss to shiro's cheek, nosing up against him. ]

I'm so lucky I have you.

We're both lucky.

[ And he takes advantage of the fact that Keith is craning up to him, brushes a kiss against his lips, something butterfly-soft and gentle. ]

Remember it, alright? No matter what happens. I see you. I love and want all of you.

I promise.

[ he bumps their foreheads together, breathes out and tries to let some of what he's holding onto go right along with it. ]

And if I slip up, I've got you there to remind me. Right?

[ so no more of this dumb "if something happens to me" talk!! ]

Right.

[ There's no hesitation in the way he says it. He's still sick, sure, but Keith knows that, so it's a safe bet that's not what he's asking for. Instead, Shiro lets his hands settle on the narrow dip of Keith's waist, just... holding him, and being thankful for the fact that he has him to hold. ]

Hell, I might not even wait for you to slip up before I remind you how much you mean to me. Sneak attacks. Keep you on your toes.

[ it's a silly thing, but there's something about shiro being able to joke about the whole thing that makes keith feel more grounded. it isn't the end of the world, this revelation about his heritage, and... well, if shiro can get past it, then maybe the others can, too. ]

Guess cunning like that is why you're our fearless leader. [ the little smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth is small, but it's real. ] The Black Lion knows how to pick 'em.

She really does.

[ And it's right there - the temptation to add that when the time comes, he's sure she'll take to Keith just as well - but he's got enough sense to know Keith probably wants to hear that now even less than he usually does. So instead he presses a kiss to that little smile - closed, but warm and lingering. ]

Guess you do too.

You got me.

[ and he's doing his best to make his voice sound dry, but that smile is still there. ]

That's why I decided to steal your car.

Playing the long game, huh? I never stood a chance.

[ He runs careful fingers through Keith's hair, a motion that's almost petting, fond and reverent. ]

I knew you were something special then, but - you've come so far. I'm proud of you, Keith.

Only for you. You're worth waiting for.

[ and keith leans into that touch, almost greedy for the contact, eyes falling half-shut. ]

... I wouldn't be here without you, Shiro. You're the reason I can keep moving forward.

[ There's something beautiful in the way Keith leans into that touch. Keith, always wild, always guarded, pressing into the stroking of Shiro's hand and looking so relaxed and perfectly trusting. It makes Shiro's chest feel tight, like it's too full of love to hold it all. ]

I love you. I have for a long time, in one way or another.

I like this way best.

I love you, too.

[ no hesitation, no shyness.

admitting it is as easy as breathing, now. ]

You're my everything, Shiro. I'd be lost without you.

[ and he dips forward enough for another kiss, sweet and lingering. ]

Being with you, it's... home. It makes all this fighting worth it.

I'm glad. I'm glad I can be that for you.

[ But between that kiss and all the emotions... well, they're starting to get to him, and he lets his hand travel down the length of Keith's spine. It's a slow thing, lazy and lingering, mapping out the bumpy path of his vertebrae between the channel of toned muscle on either side. ]

How're you feeling?

... better.

[ and he closes his eyes for a moment as if to take stock, taking a slow breath in before he breathes out again. ]

Thanks. ... for this. I really -- [ needed it. ] ... I feel like I have my feet under me again.

Hey, it wasn't all altruistic. I've missed you.

[ More kisses, pressed over the high sweep of Keith's cheekbones and finally against his mouth. ]

Stay with me tonight?

Yeah. [ because there's nowhere else he'd rather be. ] Yeah, of course.

I missed you, too.

I know it's not like you were ever far away, but I -- [ keith breathes out a little laugh, leaning forward to steal another kiss. ] ... it still wasn't the same.

It really wasn't. I never sleep as well as I do with you. I never feel as calm as when you're with me.

[ It's true, and worth saying. Just being together now, feeling Keith this close, knowing that things are cleared up - at least between them - has Shiro feeling lighter than he has in days, and he leans in to kiss Keith slow and lingering. ]

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