I seek the stars above worlds to be the guides

[bde]

[ Shiro’s been dancing around it for a while now. At first he’d thought it was just Keith being Keith, ferociously protective of the people he cares about because he’s lost too many of the few he’s had. But being the focus of all that attention from someone like Keith – well, it’d get to anyone. Shiro’s embarrassed at first, tries to write it off as a reaction to being touched with care after so long with physical contact as a thing to fear. Eventually he can’t deny that he’s attracted to Keith, both physically and in a deep admiration that slots in neatly alongside all the pride and affection he’d felt for the cadet he’d known before the Kerberos mission. But it’s fine; it’s not like he’s never been attracted to someone before, and there’s so much to do it’s easy to channel all his energy into it as a distraction.

It’s harder once he realizes that what Keith feels for him isn’t just dedication to an old friend. He catches Keith watching him with an intensity that makes his chest feel warm and tight, and sometimes when he puts a hand on Keith’s shoulder the younger man leans in to it like a cat getting an ear-scritch. They clasp hands and Shiro pulls Keith in to a hug, and Keith tucks his face against Shiro’s shoulder like it’s the place he feels safest. Shiro falls asleep in the lounge, just once after they’ve sunk a solid week into liberating another territory, and in the warm dim place between sleep and wake he feels Keith press a soft, dry kiss to his temple. And Shiro thinks, okay, that’s something they need to talk about, but it seems like every day there’s a new crisis and he puts it off, puts it off and puts it off, because the universe depends on them now and rushing into this risks upsetting the balance of the team in a way they can’t afford.

He wants to do this right. He wants to have a conversation, make sure that no matter what happens it doesn’t jeopardise their friendship – or jeopardise the team, which puts the whole universe at risk. He wants to talk it out and make sure they’re careful.

What he does instead is find himself brimming over with it, full to overflowing, until one day when they’re unwinding after a sparring match he just gives in, slips a hand against Keith’s cheek and leans in to kiss him. There’s a heartbeat and then Keith is kissing him back, warm and so alive -
And then the alarm sounds and Coran’s voice rings throughout the castle, informing them that there’s an emergency and the paladins need to get to their Lions now.

Helping a rebel ship being chased by Galra fighters leads to following them back to a base, which in turn leads to a protracted battle planetside, and the faintest hint of Black growling at him in the back of his mind every time his thoughts wander to Keith and the press of his lips, the slick promise of his tongue. It’s days before the fighting stops, close to a week, and even Lance’s enthusiasm over winning a battle hard-fought is reduced to a “yay us, see you in a week when I wake up” as they all head for their rooms. Sleep is something they’ve only had in snatches, stolen moments when things died down enough for the ground forces to hold the situation for a while, and by rights Shiro should be unconscious as soon as his head hits the pillow. Instead he’s restless, fidgeting in his bed, feeling like he can’t even close his eyes. A warm shower doesn’t really help, other than meaning at least now he’s restless and clean.

The only thing to do is face it head-on, then. He’s only in sweats and a tank top as he pads barefoot to Keith’s room, and he tells himself it’s because Keith will already be asleep and Shiro’s going to check and then head right back to bed, certain that there’s nothing he can do for now and maybe catch enough sleep to have this conversation alert and sensible tomorrow. At least, he thinks, he can say he tried.
He knocks. ]

Keith?

Comments

[feralistic]

[ strike one, because keith most definitely isn't asleep.

and strike two, because he's not even in his room.

after all this time, the reality that he's in love with shiro is as natural as breathing, but it's been years since the idea of it has given him any unrest. it helps that he's already dismissed the idea of shiro ever returning his feelings as an impossibility a long time ago; keith has always sucked at personal relationships, shiro deserves so much better, etc. just being able to be with shiro again is enough, loving him is a secret that can stay tucked warmly against his heart.

then shiro goes and kisses him, and all that peace keith thought he'd found within himself regarding his unrequited crush churns itself into a twister. he's almost shocked by the force of his own desire -- when that alarm had first sounded, there had been an insistent part of him that wanted to ignore it and just pull shiro back to him all over again. and ever since, even through the long battle they've endured, he's been burning. there's a storm inside him, and its excess energy crackles off him like lightning. even the fighting does nothing to zap him; after the rest of the paladins split off for their sleeping quarters, keith heads straight to the training bay for a few rounds of combat training against the droids. and while that blunts the edges of the turbulence inside him, it does nothing to really calm him down.

should he be the one to approach shiro about this? and if so, how? what is he supposed to say, what are the steps someone is supposed to follow from here? they should probably talk about all of this, define it, but keith doesn't even know where to start. he prefers to attack all of his problems head-on and full steam ahead, but...

... the thought of making a misstep bad enough to lose shiro is enough to make him doubt himself in a way he rarely ever does.

and it's all of that still churning in his skull as he finally makes his way back to his room, pleasantly sore and worn out enough where sleep feels like it might actually be a possibility. he showered off quickly, and he's still toweling off his hair absently as he heads through the halls, his other towel slung low around his hips and tied off. everyone else had been worn out enough that keith doesn't count on running into anyone -- the castle is still enough to make him feel like he might be the only one still awake in the whole universe, and --

that's why it's such a system shock when he turns the corner and finds shiro standing there at his door. ]

... Shiro?