I seek the stars above worlds to be the guides

[bde]

[ Shiro’s been dancing around it for a while now. At first he’d thought it was just Keith being Keith, ferociously protective of the people he cares about because he’s lost too many of the few he’s had. But being the focus of all that attention from someone like Keith – well, it’d get to anyone. Shiro’s embarrassed at first, tries to write it off as a reaction to being touched with care after so long with physical contact as a thing to fear. Eventually he can’t deny that he’s attracted to Keith, both physically and in a deep admiration that slots in neatly alongside all the pride and affection he’d felt for the cadet he’d known before the Kerberos mission. But it’s fine; it’s not like he’s never been attracted to someone before, and there’s so much to do it’s easy to channel all his energy into it as a distraction.

It’s harder once he realizes that what Keith feels for him isn’t just dedication to an old friend. He catches Keith watching him with an intensity that makes his chest feel warm and tight, and sometimes when he puts a hand on Keith’s shoulder the younger man leans in to it like a cat getting an ear-scritch. They clasp hands and Shiro pulls Keith in to a hug, and Keith tucks his face against Shiro’s shoulder like it’s the place he feels safest. Shiro falls asleep in the lounge, just once after they’ve sunk a solid week into liberating another territory, and in the warm dim place between sleep and wake he feels Keith press a soft, dry kiss to his temple. And Shiro thinks, okay, that’s something they need to talk about, but it seems like every day there’s a new crisis and he puts it off, puts it off and puts it off, because the universe depends on them now and rushing into this risks upsetting the balance of the team in a way they can’t afford.

He wants to do this right. He wants to have a conversation, make sure that no matter what happens it doesn’t jeopardise their friendship – or jeopardise the team, which puts the whole universe at risk. He wants to talk it out and make sure they’re careful.

What he does instead is find himself brimming over with it, full to overflowing, until one day when they’re unwinding after a sparring match he just gives in, slips a hand against Keith’s cheek and leans in to kiss him. There’s a heartbeat and then Keith is kissing him back, warm and so alive -
And then the alarm sounds and Coran’s voice rings throughout the castle, informing them that there’s an emergency and the paladins need to get to their Lions now.

Helping a rebel ship being chased by Galra fighters leads to following them back to a base, which in turn leads to a protracted battle planetside, and the faintest hint of Black growling at him in the back of his mind every time his thoughts wander to Keith and the press of his lips, the slick promise of his tongue. It’s days before the fighting stops, close to a week, and even Lance’s enthusiasm over winning a battle hard-fought is reduced to a “yay us, see you in a week when I wake up” as they all head for their rooms. Sleep is something they’ve only had in snatches, stolen moments when things died down enough for the ground forces to hold the situation for a while, and by rights Shiro should be unconscious as soon as his head hits the pillow. Instead he’s restless, fidgeting in his bed, feeling like he can’t even close his eyes. A warm shower doesn’t really help, other than meaning at least now he’s restless and clean.

The only thing to do is face it head-on, then. He’s only in sweats and a tank top as he pads barefoot to Keith’s room, and he tells himself it’s because Keith will already be asleep and Shiro’s going to check and then head right back to bed, certain that there’s nothing he can do for now and maybe catch enough sleep to have this conversation alert and sensible tomorrow. At least, he thinks, he can say he tried.
He knocks. ]

Keith?

Comments

[feralistic]

[ strike one, because keith most definitely isn't asleep.

and strike two, because he's not even in his room.

after all this time, the reality that he's in love with shiro is as natural as breathing, but it's been years since the idea of it has given him any unrest. it helps that he's already dismissed the idea of shiro ever returning his feelings as an impossibility a long time ago; keith has always sucked at personal relationships, shiro deserves so much better, etc. just being able to be with shiro again is enough, loving him is a secret that can stay tucked warmly against his heart.

then shiro goes and kisses him, and all that peace keith thought he'd found within himself regarding his unrequited crush churns itself into a twister. he's almost shocked by the force of his own desire -- when that alarm had first sounded, there had been an insistent part of him that wanted to ignore it and just pull shiro back to him all over again. and ever since, even through the long battle they've endured, he's been burning. there's a storm inside him, and its excess energy crackles off him like lightning. even the fighting does nothing to zap him; after the rest of the paladins split off for their sleeping quarters, keith heads straight to the training bay for a few rounds of combat training against the droids. and while that blunts the edges of the turbulence inside him, it does nothing to really calm him down.

should he be the one to approach shiro about this? and if so, how? what is he supposed to say, what are the steps someone is supposed to follow from here? they should probably talk about all of this, define it, but keith doesn't even know where to start. he prefers to attack all of his problems head-on and full steam ahead, but...

... the thought of making a misstep bad enough to lose shiro is enough to make him doubt himself in a way he rarely ever does.

and it's all of that still churning in his skull as he finally makes his way back to his room, pleasantly sore and worn out enough where sleep feels like it might actually be a possibility. he showered off quickly, and he's still toweling off his hair absently as he heads through the halls, his other towel slung low around his hips and tied off. everyone else had been worn out enough that keith doesn't count on running into anyone -- the castle is still enough to make him feel like he might be the only one still awake in the whole universe, and --

that's why it's such a system shock when he turns the corner and finds shiro standing there at his door. ]

... Shiro?

[bde]

[ It's not really a shock to hear Keith's voice in the hall. There's a moment where Shiro thinks of course, because Keith deals with quiet and idleness maybe the worst of any of them. It's only a moment of calm, though, because when he turns to face Keith and catches sight of him - wet hair, bare skin, the saddle of his hips drawing the eye down to where that towel is slung low and daring Shiro to think about what's under it and still try to have a conversation - Shiro swallows hard, and can hear the thump of his pulse in his own ears.

There's a bead of water perched right on the edge of Keith's collarbone. It shivers, and Shiro can only watch dry-mouthed as it finally falls, tracking down towards one nipple. He wants to catch it on his tongue. ]

Oh, [ he says, dragging his eyes back up to Keith's face. It's beautiful. It doesn't help. ] I - I'm glad I didn't wake you up.

[feralistic]

[ life cramped with the other cadets in the crowded garrison barracks and showers is more than enough to squash the body-shyness out of anyone, so... normally? keith wouldn't think twice about having shiro see him this way. they've showered together after sparring practices, and there was nothing to it then, but.

... well.

shiro's eyes linger on him, and no matter how much lance might joke about keith being dense, there's no missing that hunger in the other pilot's eyes. it sparks that burning ember at the pit of keith's belly into a flame all over again -- he's craving shiro's mouth on his again, filled up with so much want that it feels like he's brimming over. ]

I wasn't tired. [ and sure, maybe he was not even two minutes ago, but his body has completely abandoned that now. ]

... do you wanna come in?

[ with a little nod of his head towards his own door. listen, he's never been great at dancing around the point, so why start now? ]

[bde]

Yeah.

[ He's only vaguely aware of how breathless that sounds, but it's still enough to laugh at himself. He gives a sheepish grin and scrubs a hand back through his hair. It's not a secret he's interested in Keith, not after kissing him, but it still feels a little presumptuous. More, with Keith being only in a towel. ]

I couldn't sleep.

[feralistic]

[ they should probably discuss this. define what this is, what they want it to be, set some kind of boundaries to keep it from affecting the rest of the team. but it's so hard to focus on that when all he can think about is everything he wants to do to shiro, everything he's longing for shiro to do to him.

so he nods, stepping past him long enough to press his hand against the scanner and let the door to his room slide open. then he steps further inside, turning to face shiro again and... trying to figure out where to go from here. ]

[bde]

[ Keith doesn't say a word, and Shiro has always known he's not exactly the chatty type - even less so now than he was before, at the Garrison - but the silence is still killing him. That and the fact that he can't look at Keith without wanting to pull that towel away and put his mouth on every part of him. It's a shame Keith keeps his room so spartan; it means there's really nothing around for Shiro to pick up and fiddle with to occupy himself unless he wants to go for the knife, which he really doesn't, given the context. ]

I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about kissing you.

[ Good work, Shirogane. ]

I mean - when I did kiss you. Before the alarm. We didn't really get the chance to talk.

[feralistic]

[ it's not a surprise to hear that shiro wants him (maybe even just as badly), but it still sends a little thrill of heat up keith's spine. and while something about talking vaguely registers, the sense-memory of kissing shiro is powerful enough to make keith lick his lips.

and almost before he can help it, he's stepping into shiro, tangling his fingers in the material of his vest and pulling him down. when their mouths meet, it's enough to draw a low noise out of him; it's like that first glass of cold water after the heat of a desert day, the feeling of it sings all the way down into his fingers and toes, leaving him greedy for more. ]

[bde]

[ Well.

He'd been going to apologize from dropping it on him out of the blue, to make sure it had been okay, but then Keith is on him with the force of a hurricane and all Shiro can do is melt into it. He cups a hand at the back of Keith's head, heedless of the damp against his palm, lays his other hand on his shoulder and lets his thumb brush gently against Keith's throat as he opens up to him, savors the press of his lips and slide of his tongue. It's good, just as good as that first time, and the noise he makes against Keith's mouth is soft and helpless and needy.

Keith feels impossibly warm under his hands, and Shiro can't tell if that's lingering heat from the shower or just Keith, or if it's Shiro's imagination, always admiring of the way Keith burns and wanting to pull that heat into himself. By the time he breaks the kiss he's breathless, and he closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Keith's. Just needing air is no reason to pull away. ]

Guess that means I don't have to ask if it was okay.

[feralistic]

[ shiro's hands on him are warm and big, and even those relatively innocent touches are enough to make keith feel like he's coming apart. the idea of craving something he's only just experienced is strange, but already? he wants shiro's hands all over him, everywhere, aching to arch himself up in a clear invitation.

when shiro breaks the kiss, it's too soon, even though keith's lungs are already aching with the need to inhale. he's already starting to tip his chin up for another one, but --

that makes him blink, startled. ]

You really thought I wouldn't want to kiss you?

[bde]

[ Keith sounds so incredulous that Shiro can't help another quiet chuckle, a soft thing under his breath all filled with warmth. He lets the hand behind Keith's head trace down over shoulders and spine, tracing out the bone and lean muscle of his back, and already there's a whisper in the back of his head asking mine? Are you mine? Can I really have this? ]

I could tell you wanted to. Wasn't sure if you wanted me to know.

[feralistic]

[ that... brings up a pretty valid point, actually.

and keith's brows knit with thought, eyes flicking to the side as he rolls the thought through his head. expressing his worries is a lot harder than kissing shiro, but... shiro is important enough for keith to want (desperately) to avoid fucking things up. ]

I'm not -- [ it's hard to put it into words. ] ... I'm not the kind of person most people would want to be with.

I didn't --

[ and that's all he can manage, really. so he finishes the thought with a lopsided shrug, eyes still fixed on a spot over shiro's shoulder as if it's the center of the universe. if this is the part where shiro has some groundbreaking revelation that, yeah, keith is a fucking mess, it's fine. he can bear it. just having this was more than he ever expected, he can make it be enough. ]

[bde]

[ Shiro can't pretend it doesn't hurt at least a little to hear Keith say that, to see him looking off at nothing like he can't meet Shiro's eyes. But honestly - that makes two of them. Shiro's just better at hiding it most of the time, which... well. At least Keith is honest about his damage.

Shiro squeezes with the hand resting on Keith's shoulder, trying to keep the gesture as warm and familiar as it would be if they hadn't just kissed each other breathless, if Keith wasn't nude but for a towel in a way that Shiro can't ignore even as they try to have a pretty important conversation, here. ]

You're the kind of person I want to be with. You're the person I want to be with.

[feralistic]

[ the first bit is enough to make his eyes snap back to shiro's, but the second is enough to make something warm swell up in his chest until he can scarcely breathe. maybe it shouldn't be a surprise -- one of the things that he loves about shiro is that he's determined to see the very best in people, but.

he's never let himself believe it. hope was too dangerous, and now?

shiro is opening the floodgates, telling him that everything he feels is allowed, okay, welcomed.

keith is absolutely helpless to stop himself from surging up to kiss him again, and this time it's even more heated, almost raw with want. leaning into everything he feels instead of trying to keep it sealed up, one hand lifting itself just so he can curl his fingers at the nape of shiro's neck. ]

[bde]

[ If he was being sensible about this, he'd pull back. Insist on that conversation he'd been planning on having, talk about boundaries and expectations, but -

Keith's passion here is irresistible, pulling Shiro in like a black hole. He kisses back, lost in it, trying to soak up every moment of that heat and the pounding, near-giddy feeling of wanting and being wanted in return, the blistering realization of how right it is. He lets the hand on Keith's back drift around, curling his arm around Keith until one hand settles on his hip and he can pull him in forward so their bodies are flush -

and knocks where the towel is tucked into itself. His time in the arena and all his training with the paladins isn't for nothing, and he's got the reflexes to grab at it and hold it before it falls, but he still feels his cheeks flush slightly at both the action and the thought that Keith might think it was on purpose. ]

Shit, sorry. I didn't - heh.

[feralistic]

[ just the simple act of shiro sliding an arm around keith's waist and drawing him flush is enough to make every bit of keith thrill in response, leaving him almost dizzy in the face of his own desire. he's never felt this way before; his attraction towards shiro is something as natural and powerful as gravity, and part of him wants to ask if shiro feels it too --

but shiro breaks the kiss abruptly, and snatches at the towel around his waist, and keith doesn't even have to ask why before he realizes that the knot has been knocked undone. he glances down at the hand shiro is using to hold it in place, then up -- the flush creeping into the other pilot's cheeks is adorable, but keith is too damn impatient to really relish the moment. if shiro is trying to take things slow on keith's behalf, keith is more than willing to clear up that misconception now.

so he nudges at shiro's hand until he gets him to turn loose of the towel, using his own to hold it up. then he presses the other hand flat against shiro's chest, pushing him gently backwards until shiro's legs hit the edge of his bed and keith can get him to sit down. there. once shiro is settled, keith lets go of the towel entirely; he feels the fabric whisper across his bare legs as it pools at his feet, and now he's left standing absolutely bare in front of the other man.

he's not the type to preen -- instead, he settles himself right over shiro's lap, one leg braced on either side of the other man's hip until he's straddling. then he leans in for another kiss, this one sweet and slow and lingering, until he finally pulls away to ask: ]

This okay? [ screw going slow for his own sake, but if shiro asked? keith would wait a lifetime to make him comfortable. ]

[bde]

[ It's easy as breathing to let Keith steer him to the bed. Easier, as it turns out, because the breathing stops when Keith lets his towel fall. There's a part of him that thinks maybe his heartbeat stops, and all he can do is watch - Keith is beautiful, so beautiful, and it's not as though Shiro's never seen him naked before but he's never been allowed to drink in the sight of him this way. It's never been for him, and that makes it something crackling and electric. And then Keith climbs over his lap, and all Shiro's mute astonishment rushes out of the room like the tide receding so he can kiss back, place his hands on that tiny waist and let them skim down over hip and thigh and back up again. ]

Keith, I don't think anything's ever been this okay in my life.

[ It's incredibly unfair that he has to take his hands off Keith in order to strip off his own top, but the feeling of his skin against Keith's when he pressed back in for another kiss is more than worth it. ]

[feralistic]

[ that answer comes out so earnestly reverent that keith is about to laugh -- and then shiro strips his own top up over his head, and the noise immediately dies in his throat. it strikes him (suddenly) that he hasn't seen shiro bare like this since his captivity at the hands of the galra, and there's a roadmap of scarring that keith doesn't remember from his time at the garrison. and while the sight of them is enough to spark a fury in keith's chest (he wants to kill every single creature who dared to lay a harmful hand on shiro, all of them), it's tempered by the realization that shiro is (by far) still the most gorgeous person keith has ever seen.

so much so that keith only lets the kiss linger for another moment or two before he breaks it again, leaning back a little so that he can drink in the sight of shiro all over again. he splays both hands across the other man's chest and feels that coil of heat at the pit of his belly tighten at the feeling of shiro's bare skin under his palms, his dick already aching even though shiro hasn't even touched him.

keith isn't much for poetry, but the sight of shiro is enough to make him understand how it gets written. someone so beautiful that simple words alone don't describe it -- you have to make people understand how they're as gorgeous as the desert sky at night, how looking at them makes you feel the way he did when he piloted red for the very first time. ]

Shiro. [ quiet, breathless, awed. he's not a poet, and he never will be, so he sums things up the best he can. ] You're amazing.

[bde]

[ Keith's hands move over his skin, the warmth and reverence in them making him shiver with need. He'd learned to be okay with his scars a long time ago, but for the first time he feels angry about them again - not because Keith is seeing them, not when he's gazing at Shiro with such a look of open want and near-reverence, but because some of them are deep enough that the nerves below are dead, robbing him of sensation. Keith is beautiful, a livewire, a miracle, and of everything the Galra had done to Shiro it's depriving him of even a tiny bit of that feeling that stings the worst.

He pulls Keith in close again, wanting to kiss him, choking a moan off in the other man's mouth when he feels the firm heat of his cock pressing into his stomach. ]

Back at you, [ he manages, low and thick. ] I want you. Can we -

[feralistic]

[ with the way shiro is touching him, it's no secret that he wants keith just as badly as keith wants him, and that fact alone is enough to drive keith half-wild with want. shiro pulls him close to kiss him again, and keith's hips stutter against shiro's stomach as his cock finds a teasing hint of friction against the other man's skin. ]

Yeah.

[ without even thinking about it. without even needing to think about it.

he kisses down along shiro's jaw, finds a sensitive bit of skin there and nips at it teasingly with his teeth. he can't get enough of shiro -- the smell of him, the taste of him, the warmth of his skin. ] Anything. Everything.

[bde]

[ Keith bites gently at his neck, and Shiro moans. All his affection and admiration for Keith has of course sat alongside the knowledge that Keith is smoking hot, but this - the way he takes control, the determination in him - it's something else. ]

God. Good.

[ He slips a hand between them, the metal one still tight on Keith's hip, and takes him in hand. Just that is like a revelation - Keith's cock in his hand, the velvety skin of him warm against Shiro's fingers, and he gives a full-body shiver just at the feel of it. ]

You have a preference? I'm flexible.

[feralistic]

[ keith gasps against shiro's throat as the other man wraps a hand around his cock, unable to resist the impulse to rock forward into his grip. he's never given much thought to size, but one quick glance down is enough to prove that shiro's hand envelops him completely, and there's something so hot about the sight that it makes keith swallow back a groan. ]

I want you to fuck me.

[ it gets blurted out before keith even has the chance to consider it properly, and his cheeks flush with color. he hadn't meant to sound that eager, but... when he'd imagined the two of them together, that had always been at the forefront of his mind. it's not like he's ever done anything like this before, so he can't exactly claim to have his preferences solidified, it's just... well.

it's not like him to be shy, but something about announcing i want your dick in me, stat has that effect on him. ]

I mean, [ uncharacteristic hesitation, eyes flitting off to the side. ] If that's okay with you.

[ like there's any hope of playing things off as casual after that. ]

[bde]

Oh, fuck.

[ It's a quiet, helpless little thing, not intended for Keith's ears so much as an involuntary exclamation. It's so bold that the sure way Keith says it makes Shiro's dick throb just as much as the thought of actually doing it -

and then he goes and qualifies it, and it's so charming that Shiro can't help laughing warmly and pulling Keith into another kiss. ]

Yeah. Yeah, more than okay. God, you're incredible.

[ He pulls Keith in for another kiss, something warm and full of wonder, and this time he can't help pressing up to grind his dick against where Keith sits in his lap. It's so good, it's all so good, that it takes a long moment for Shiro to actually start thinking about the necessary preparations. ]

Do you have anything here? For lube. I can probably find something in medical if we need to.

[feralistic]

[ the way that shiro reacts to that is definitely enough to trigger a wave of relief -- he'd probably never forgive himself if he scared shiro off by being too eager right from the start, and it's good to know he isn't the only one breathlessly excited by all of this.

and the feeling of shiro grinding his dick up against him is distracting, so it takes him a minute or two to process that question. ]

... lube? [ a little fuzzy, but. okay, it makes sense. he knows enough to use lube for jerking off (after a few unfortunate incidents of chafing when he was younger), so it figures that you'd need it for sex stuff, too. ] Yeah, hang on, it's --

[ the fact that the beds in their sleeping quarters are jammed right up against the wall is handy, because it makes for a nice hiding spot in the narrow space between the mattress and the wall. it's where he tucks everything that's either important or secret -- and lube obviously qualifies, because he digs out a small plastic bottle after a little rummaging. ] This work?

[bde]

[ As much as he wants to press ahead now that he knows what's on offer, Shiro still takes a moment to check over the bottle and (sorry, Keith) discreetly sniff the contents. It's been a while, but you only need one instance of overenthusiastic youthful hijinks to remind you forever that what's fine on your dick isn't necessarily going to feel fine up your butt. This passes muster, though, and he puts the bottle down beside them on the bed to grin at Keith. ]

Perfect. Even better, now I don't have to leave you. Get up on your knees for a second?

[ And he flushes slightly again at asking, because despite them being very clear about what they're doing here the act of removing his pants and being fully nude with Keith is so new and exciting it makes his heart pound. ]

[feralistic]

[ keith can't help but grin back, even though it's goofy for them to both be as delighted by the reveal of a little bottle of lube. but he's punchdrunk off this feeling -- of being allowed to be so close to shiro, of being allowed to kiss him and touch him and want him. it's impossible not to be happy, not when this is everything he never let himself hope that he could have.

but. ]

Wait. [ catching one of shiro's hands by the wrist. ] ... can I do it?

[ it's greedy of him, but. he wants to unwrap shiro like a present that's just for him, wants to relish in stripping everything away. ]