fourstrings | to walk a fine line and work against you

to walk a fine line and work against you

Hey, I wanna talk to you about something.

[ Maybe it’s not the time? It feels so nice right now. They’re just sitting together on the couch, the line of Cloud’s (clothed!) thigh warm against Zack’s. Closer than they need to be for the game they’re playing, but they’re always like that now. Whenever they’re alone together they end up tangling close, even if they’re not doing anything. It makes sense; Zack can’t really touch Cloud when they’re out around HQ or on missions beyond ruffling his hair, slapping him a high-five or occasionally slinging an arm around him in a side-hug kind of squeeze, so it’s normal to want to get of much of it as possible when he can! But that’s why he’s thinking about it, really.

It's the first time he’s ever felt part of his SOLDIER training took something away from him rather than giving. They all go through pretty extensive training once they get into the upper ranks – SOLDIER, the Turks, probably management too because you can’t have somebody giving away business secrets because they’re horny. They’re all on suppressants anyway, but there have been ways around that for as long as there have been suppressants, so part of his SOLDIER experience has been rigorous training to make him basically immune to being forced into rut by the presence of omega pheromones. He’s never regretted it – being forced there isn’t a very nice feeling, when you get down to it – but now he kinda wonders. He’s so crazy for Cloud anyway that it might be nice to just be taken over by it. It’s supposed to be incredible when it’s right – finding the right mate, bonding, all that stuff. He’d feel a lot worse about it if Cloud wasn’t with Shinra too, ‘cause once he makes SOLDIER he’s gonna have to go through all the same stuff and at least it’s not like he’ll be missing out just because of Zack, but it’s still a little sad to think of this one thing they won’t have.

There’s also the part where they haven’t really… talked about it. Cloud’s an omega for sure – he’s never been in heat around Zack (he’s probably on those Shinra suppressants, a rare occasion where they dole out the best stuff to the infantry too because a poorly-timed heat sneaking through or the side effects of cheaper stuff would mean more time when they couldn’t work) but Zack can tell. It’s something that’s just kind of there about him, like the fact that he’s got blue eyes or blond hair. Or maybe it’s closer to say it’s like how he’s on the short side, or has a little scatter of freckles – things about himself that Cloud probably isn’t too pumped about but that Zack thinks are just right. It’s in the way his lashes shade his eyes, the way he moves, the way the cheapo soap and shampoo and laundry detergent they dole out somehow smells good on him. But it’s never come up, and that’s why Zack feels like he needs to say something now, before it comes up by itself. If they never talk about it and then Cloud goes into heat and Zack's reaction is that's rough, buddy, let me get you a cold drink, it's way too easy to imagine all the hormones making him take it personally. So yeah, it sucks, and maybe it'll ruin the nice cosy time they're having, but better now than when Cloud needs what Zack can't give him. ]

You know I’m an Alpha, right?

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[ Oh, whoops. ]

Not on purpose! We can go again. Or you can just choose, that's probably safer anyway.

[ The malboro vines were interesting! Somehow soft and crunchy at the same time. It had been a real... unique experience! But Zack genuinely blurted it out because he got to the stage of Thinking About It where he couldn't do anything else, and not as a plot to seize an unearned victory and doom them to another night of freakzza. ]

I've just been thinking about it. 'cause you're the best, and I wanna make sure you know I really do think that and I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass. So that means there's some stuff I probably oughta tell you.

[ okay, so maybe this wasn't a key part of zack's evil plan to order another weird pizza. but, if the alternative is having a conversation about That Stuff --

no!! cloud can totally handle it!! even if it's embarrassing, or... bad news, like what if zack is about to tell him he actually thinks omegas are gross, or something? ]

Uh, okay, I guess. [ shifting a little, thumbing at the controller in his hands even though the race is already over. ] Like what?

[ Okay, he was REAL BOLD a second ago but now that it comes to it, it's kind of awkward. He's about to tell Cloud there's a part of him that doesn't work the way it should, and that he made it that way on purpose. What if this is a dealbreaker? It's too late for Zack to share a rut with someone, but Cloud can still share a heat. And if he wants to do that he should get to! But... he's not the kinda guy who'd step out for a few days to get himself tended to, even if Zack tried really really hard to be okay with that happening.

He's borrowing trouble, he knows. They haven't even really done anything much yet. It's not like they're engaged, or something. He knows it's fairer to be upfront about it, but the thought of tanking this suddenly makes him a little sick.

He fidgets, his thumb making little circles on a stick of the controller that makes the screen in front of them freak out - not that he's watching it. ]

SOLDIER training stuff.

[ More than that, Zack! ]

So, I don't know if it's ever happened, but there's this idea that enemies could get the upper hand on Alphas in SOLDIER by inducing rut. Which makes sense, right? Once that kicks off you're useless in the field. So part of our training is to resist that. A little bit of extra juice in with the mako but mostly psychological stuff, you know? [ He taps his head, as if the point needs illustration. ] Anyway, once we get through it we're basically immune to all the... pheromones, and whatever.

I just wanted you to know. 'cause... if you go into heat I'm not gonna have a reaction, and I wanna make sure you know it's not because of you. [ He grins, sheepish, the smile not quite making it to his eyes. ] I know this is outta the blue, but I figured it's best to let you know ahead of time. Then it's not a surprise. And... if you, you know, feel like you have to make any choices because of that, you can do it with a clear head.

[ it seems kind of weird that they'd need to have a serious conversation about... SOLDIER training stuff? but then zack keeps going, and oh. cloud blinks as understanding slowly settles in, and the nervous knot that was starting to tighten up in his belly eases up almost instantly. ]

It's not a big deal. I mean, not to me. I haven't even, uh... I mean, before I got to Midgar, I... um... I never had one. A heat. [ his face is on fire! and he's staring down intently at the controller in his lap like he can burn a hole through it with his eyes, scrunching down against the couch cushions just a little. ] The nurse that did the blood test said some people are just... like that.

[ granted, it had been pretty hard to take much in once cloud had gotten back the test results and seen omega stamped in the space for secondary sex. it had pretty much dashed all his dreams of SOLDIER right there on the spot -- it's not that they're explicitly forbidden from the program, but the unspoken reality is that there's no shot in hell. even having them in the enlisted ranks is rare enough, and plenty of people treat it like some kind of diversion before they go running off to play housewife. ]

And then they put me on suppressants, so. It doesn't really matter now.

[ Zack can't help breathing a sigh of relief at that, and MAN does he feel like a jerk for it. Cloud's sitting there blushing, confessing something that's obviously embarrassing or uncomfortable to him for whatever reason, and here Zack is, pleased about it. What a dick.

The least he can do is explain the sigh, so he reaches over and gives Cloud's hand a little squeeze. ]

That's cool. I mean, it's not cool, I'm just - I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but I'm glad that it's not gonna be a situation where I can't give you something you need. Not that I'd expect you to want me to! It'd just suck if you did and I couldn't, is all.

Wow, I'm really bad at this, huh?

[ okay, well. there might have been some risk of cloud letting himself get in his own head enough to feel bad about the way he's wired, but then zack goes and cheerfully bungles the next bit, and it ends up breaking any risk of tension. he flips his hand over so that he can give zack a little squeeze in return, and there's a little smile around the edges of his mouth when he finally gets the nerve to look up at him again. ]

It's cool. I don't think I ever really cared about that stuff, anyway. [ sure, maybe he'd indulged in a few fantasies about winding up as an alpha and sweeping tifa off her feet, but! ] I guess it's kinda nice that we don't have to worry about it?

Yeah!

[ Cloud smiles at him, and that's all it takes. It's gonna be okay! It's never gonna be a problem that he can't rut because there's never gonna be a time when Cloud needs him to, and all his little regrets about it fade like the smoke from a snuffed candle. This time when he smiles it's warm, real. ]

It's awesome that even the parts of us that are weird are weird in a way that lines up like that. Like fate, maybe.

[ oh.

it's a weird thing to get all romantic about, but something about the way zack says it is enough to make cloud's heart flutter. especially when zack smiles at him like that, and cloud ducks his chin a little as his cheeks go hot all over again. ] You really don't mind?

I don't want you to feel like you're... missing out on something.

Nah. I started with Shinra before I ever had a rut and went on suppressants right off the bat anyway, so I've never had a real one to know what I'm missing out on. Just the ones that happened with testing, and they were no fun. Getting all fired up when I didn't want to and knowing that it was happening 'cause I failed, and then I couldn't even do anything about it? It sucked, dude.

[ Maybe it's too much to say, but Zack Fair is not an expert on matters of Enough, so he adds: ]

I got a little sad about it when I thought it meant I could never share it with you, but if it's not something you need then who cares? Not me.

[ It's kinda nice! It means that anything they do is just because of them, because of how much they like each other. Not because biology told them they had to. That's special, and he finishes the thought by leaning over to plant a big ol' kiss on Cloud's cheek. ]

[ huh. the whole idea of getting your rut triggered on company time didn't exactly sound like a bad thing when zack first talked about it, but when he puts it like that...?

besides! if zack is sure, then cloud is sure! they can just skip the whole dumb thing about heats and ruts and just be them, and that's gotta be way better, right?

and yeah, sure, it makes a little spot inside cloud go all warm to think that zack likes him even without any dumb biological sway to tip things in his favor. zack was interested just because of cloud, and he wants to keep on sticking around for the same reason. and that's... really, really cool.

so he tips himself over until he can lean into zack's side, smiling up at him. ] Me neither. Makes us a good team, right?

The best.

[ Man, he could have planned this conversation better, but it's good to have it all out there. It could have been a disaster, but instead they've figured out that they're even more perfect for each other than they realized! Cloud leans in close and Zack curls an arm around him, warm and grateful, and ducks his head to press a little kiss to that sweet smile on his mouth. ]

Hey, is there a way to say "thanks for being you" that sounds like a cool and sexy thing that would impress a guy I like?

Mm...

[ pretending to give the matter some very serious thought, even as he tips up again to steal another little kiss off zack's mouth. ] Maybe if you put it on a cake or something?

Cake, got it. What's your favourite kind?

[ Pulling out his phs mostly as a joke - but if Cloud answers, he's toally getting a cake. That just makes the joke funnier. ]

The kind you're already packing, obviously.

[ bumping his hip into zack's and attempting the Sexy Eyebrow Thing before he collapses into giggling. ]

[ NO! That's the worst! And the knowledge of that doesn't stop Zack from dissolving into laughter, collasping against Cloud as he does. ]

Can do. I'm sure I've got a sharpie somewhere!

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to walk a fine line and work against you

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