I get a little bit Genghis Khan

[vacabdication]

[ There have been continents and decades passed between when Ajay and Pagan knew each other. Happily, Ajay’s time in Kyrat to date has made Pagan very aware of at least one thing they still share; a flair for the dramatic. Such a flair is probably at least partly to blame for why it’s been night on impossible for Pagan to get a message to Ajay about meeting without Ajay dramatically disposing of the messenger. There’s the radio, of course, but Pagan doesn’t quite trust that nobody is listening in, and it wouldn’t do to have any of those delightful little monkeys decide to try and off Ajay for fraternizing with the enemy. So he lays the groundwork, plants the idea – ends one of his rambling calls with I’ll have to have you to dinner, sometime, and leaves it at that.

Then it’s terribly easy to have Ajay scooped up after those awful little tourists send him out on a jaunt on one of their experimental substances – god, a look at the two of them and it’s easy to remember why, accent aside, he is far more likely to present himself as of Hong Kong than of England – and brought back to the palace. Of course, he’s high as a bloody kite, and Pagan is rather proud of the delicacies he’s acquired for their little soiree a deux, so he has Ajay sequestered in a private room to recover. There is a fully stocked ensuite attached, which Pagan prays Ajay will use, and his clothes are filthy so Pagan has them ferreted away to be washed (and in some cases, mended) and a selection more suited to dinner with a King left for Ajay to choose from – a classic black tuxedo, a rather dashing and elaborately embroidered kurta set, several beautiful suits in an array of colours, even a selection of wonderful blazers and (please no) designer jeans, should that prove more within Ajay’s comfort zone. And, most importantly, a gilt invitation to dinner on thick, creamy-coloured card waiting for him on the bedside table when he wakes.

It might be sensible to have Ajay’s weapons removed, too. For maintenance, he could say. It would be a terrible, tragic loss if Ajay Ghale, son of Mohan and great hope of the Golden Path, were to suffer a sticky trigger while facing down a tiger, after all. But Pagan Min is not a sensible man, and so he chooses to give preference to the semi he gets thinking about an immaculately dressed Ajay vaulting the table to hold a pistol to Pagan’s temple rather than common sense.

After all, for Pagan Min to host a dull dinner would be unthinkable. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ he's so wrapped up in his head that he doesn't even notice when pagan closes the distance between them, but that first bit of physical contact makes him jolt. he's an electric livewire of tension, practically vibrating with all the pent-up potential to move within him. he could shove pagan away from him, he could fumble for the kukri still strapped to his thigh, he could -- ]

Don't. [ but it's a rasp, and a direct contrast to the way his hands come up to grip at the lapels of pagan's jacket. ]

[vacabdication]

It's alright. You don't have to decide now.

[ She's a hard woman to let go of. Pagan knows, and he only had her in his life for a couple of years. Ajay had her as his whole world for much longer. And though Ajay's words are pretty clear Pagan chooses to listen to his hands instead, doesn't move. Keeps holding him, the way he's ached to. ]

[vaaris]

She asked me to.

[ sabal and amita would kill him for this. hell, maybe ajay even hates himself a little for it -- but there'd been no one after his mom died. hell, there'd barely been anyone else at the funeral, and no one that he really knew. definitely no one close enough to wrap him up like this, to say i know how much it hurts because that's how much it hurts me too without saying anything at all. no one willing to hold him while he shook himself to pieces.

fuck, has he even cried since that night in the hospital? ]

It was the only thing --

[vacabdication]

And you will. You will. When you're ready. You don't strike me as a boy who breaks promises. But if I know anything about your mother, it's that she loved you enough to tear her world apart to keep you safe. She wouldn't have wanted to hurt you.

[ Tore her world apart, and Pagan's too. And he can't even begrudge her that, because it was the right thing to do. If she hadn't done it, if she hadn't been the kind of woman who would, would he ever even have fallen in love with her? ]

[vaaris]

[ ajay shudders at the sound of that, at absolution from a man who shouldn't be able to give him any. it's fucked up that he craves it, fucked up that he wants to believe it; especially in the wake of this, a dawning knowledge that coming to kyrat and getting himself tangled up in its civil war had nothing to do with being a good son after all. ]

I was the one who -- [ it tears out of him, painfully and bloody, like someone reached inside and ripped it free. he's never told anyone else this, not a fucking soul, and there's no reason it should be rattling its way loose now, but. ] I hurt her.

I had to make it right. [ balling up his desperate fistfuls of pagan's jacket. ]

[vacabdication]

Ajay. I think - forgive me - I think if you knew the whole story, you'd understand that you might be overselling it a touch. Your mother had already been hurt in the worst way anyone could have hurt her. Whatever it is you did - your spot of trouble with the law, I presume - could never have compared.

[ Is it too much to admit that he knows about the shooting? Certainly too much to confess that he'd funded the lawyer. No matter. He keeps his arms latched around Ajay, determined now that he won't let go until Ajay moves away. ]

There was a lot in her life that could never be made right. But you. Oh, you were her guiding star. Her home.

[vaaris]

[ the surprise makes him stiffen, jolting enough so that he almost breaks the hold to look up at pagan -- but the other man's arms are steady around him, and fuck. maybe he is pathetic, is a hug all it takes to shake him up this badly? but it's been so long since anyone's touched him like this, wanting to comfort and asking nothing in return -- not the way sabal touches him, a warm squeeze of his shoulder or a firm grasp of his hand, and always his eyes are asking ajay please. but all pagan has to say is that ajay's already done enough, and it burns like poison being drawn from a wound. ]

Why are you -- [ he drags in another ragged inhale. ] You barely know me. I tried to kill you.

[vacabdication]

I don't know you. Not any more. But I did. I knew you, and I loved you. I understand now, of course, that you've been interpreting my attempts at showing my affection as some sort of mocking, but did you never pause to ask yourself why I would bother? Think, my boy. After you got off the bus, before you killed a single one of my men, I embraced you. Why would I have any reason to do that, even in mocking, if what I say wasn't true?

[vaaris]

... I don't know.

[ with a little shake of his head, almost helpless. it had made fucking sense until he came here, that's the thing. that everything pagan said to him, everything gesture of affection, was just part of some fucked up game -- of course pagan would want him dead, the son of mohan ghale, the hope of the golden path. and everything else was to... what, lower his guard? fuck with his head?

he can't make the pieces of the jigsaw fit back together anymore, and it makes him feel stretched thin and worn out to even try. ]

Sabal -- [ he hesitates there, shakes his head again. ] The Golden Path made it seem like they were saving me from you.

[vacabdication]

Sabal, [ and he says it the way he always says it, overemphasized, dripping with mockery ] is a manipulative, sneaky little ratfucker, but I daresay he believes he was saving you. Or saving a valuable asset, at least. To him you are the son of Mohan Ghale, the only man since my own father who gave me enough of a reason to bother to hate someone.

[ and finally, finally Pagan releases that hug - though he doesn't quite release Ajay. He just steps back, still gripping Ajay by his upper arms, so that he can look Ajay in the eye - and when he does, a smile forms on his face, warm and genuine. ]

I don't suppose I'm any better. I thought I was bringing you home, and never paused to ask you if you wanted to be brought.

What do you want, Ajay? Because - pertinent reminder - I am King. There's little that isn't within my power, here.

[vaaris]

[ okay, so pagan hating sabal isn't exactly a suprise. and neither is him hating mohan, even though the amount of venom that drips from his voice is enough to send ajay's footing slip-sliding underneath him again. especially when pagan seems to hold the polar opposite of hard feelings towards ajay -- which suggests that maybe attempted murder isn't a deal breaker on the guy's priority list.

but then pagan pulls back from the hug, and... well, this is really the part where ajay should let go of him, but his fingers aren't cooperating.

of course, the question makes him look up to meet pagan's eyes -- and when it comes to what he wants? what he really fucking wants? it spills out of him like a confession, heavy around all its edges with guilt. ]

I don't want to keep killing people. [ and then his expression shifts with a flicker of something like pain. ] ... I don't want people to keep dying because I'm not doing anything.

[vacabdication]

Well. As you heard, I've made it very clear that my men are to cease and desist in any of their attempts on your life. I can't make any promises about those who are loyal to Yuma - in fact, the one promise I can make in that regard is that they will definitely ignore my order - but outside of her territory, that should make "no killing" an achievable goal.

[ He squeezes Ajay's arms, just a little, barely resists the urge to give him a tiny shake. ]

What else?

[vaaris]

[ it's... a lot of wrap his head around. the idea that he doesn't have to do it anymore, that he could just stop. almost impossible to believe, but his shoulders are already slumping with relief at the idea of it.

but the question makes his eyes snap back to pagan's face, brows knitting. ]

I -- I don't --

[ what else is there? get his mom to lakshmana, of course, but hadn't pagan already told him that there's time enough for that? ]

... I want a hot shower. [ it's the only thing he can think of, and it stumbles out of him almost before he can help it. ] I want to sleep. I want -- [ softly, now, as if this is something he's likely to be denied. ] ... I want to talk to you more.

[vacabdication]

[ Such tiny little wants. Pagan was halfway expecting Ajay to ask to be sent back to the States, and he'd have done it - of course he would, in a private plane with staff to cater to Ajay's every whim - but oh, the selfish part of him (all, that's all of him) rejoices to hear the last thing especially, and he drops one of his hands to his side even as he shifts the other to Ajay's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze. ]

There's been a room made up for you here since before you arrived. The ensuite has both a shower and - if you're feeling like a little indulgence - a tub.

And there is nothing I would like more than for us to spend more time together. To talk.

[vaaris]

[ the relief is a physical thing; there's something about finding out that he already has a place here that feels so good it aches. finally, he can let his fingers uncurl from pagan's jacket even as he leans into that little squeeze at his shoulder like he's starving for it. ]

... you really meant it. Everything you've said.

[vacabdication]

Every word of it.

[ And perhaps he shouldn't - it's too much, too soon, but if everything they've said tonight hasn't already scared Ajay off this feels unlikely to be the straw that breaks the camel's back - but Pagan lets the hand on Ajay's should rise, to cup against the side of his face so Pagan can stroke over his cheek with a thumb. It's tender, so gentle, and the warmth in his eyes bleeds through into his voice. ]


Welcome home, Ajay.

[vaaris]

[ he shudders at the sound of it, those two simple words that burrow under his skin and immediately start to put down roots. and he can't help the urge to close his eyes and lean into that touch, almost afraid of how much he wants it. ]

Just don't lie to me. [ it's unspoken, but there. please. ]

[vacabdication]

Never.

[ And oh, there it is again. Ajay closes his eyes and leans into Pagan's touch, and the attraction so inappropriate that even Pagan can manage to be a little scandalized whenever it raises its head hits him. Forcefully, this time - hard enough that for just half a heartbeat, Pagan finds himself leaning in, that hand pulling Ajay closer by the tiniest degree, preparing to kiss him before Pagan catches himself and avoids setting fire to the tentative bond they've built tonight.

Now he drops his hand, gives the tiniest clearing of his throat. ]

I think something less formal than dinner at the high table may be called for. We could move to a sitting room for tea - or coffee, if you'd prefer - or if you'd like to take that hot shower and sleep now I can assure you of the quality of the breakfasts the kitchen provide.

[vaaris]

[ there's a moment, so fleeting that ajay barely has time to register it as real, where pagan leans in and pulls him closer -- and ajay is hit by a wild, irrational surge of something that knocks him off balance all over again.

but then pagan drops his hand away from ajay's face, straightens up and clears his throat, and the moment is lost as quickly as they stumbled onto it. (and why the fuck is he disappointed?)

well. if what he says next counts as the mistake to end all mistakes, so be it. if pagan is still open to a list of demands... ] ... do you have scotch?

[vacabdication]

[ Now that's safer territory. Pagan chuckles, gives a nod. ]

My boy, I have scotch that's older than we are. Follow me.

[ In the walk to the library, he's quiet. It feels appropriate, really - though his urge is to bluster, it feels right to give this whole situation some room to breathe. Especially since he's fairly sure he saw a flicker of recognition in Ajay's eyes over that disastrous near-miss, and yet he's still here. The library, though, feels like safe ground. It might seem counterintuitive in a room full of books, but the fireplace is always lit - the North isn't quite cold enough for it to be necessary, but it's not warm enough for the heat to ever become oppressive. Despite what some people might expect the walls are indeed lined with books, from rare texts to pulp novels, all of them read at some point. A huge window, framed by heavy drapes, looks out over lush forest. The furniture is what Pagan likes best, though; ridiculously stuffed armchairs and sofas, all decorated in lavish embroidery and rich jewel-toned silks, but cosy. The kind of things you don't want to get up from once you've sat down.

Pagan crosses to the liquor cabinet first, pouring a healthy measure for each of them of a rather wonderful scotch. The good stuff, for a good moment. ]

Sit wherever you like. This is my favourite room in the palace.

[vaaris]

[ it's... pretty much the room ajay might have expected. kind of like the library you'd expect to find the main villain of a spy thriller in, but he can't deny that it's also pretty damn cozy. the kind of place where someone might want to burrow in and refuse to come back out, where the civil war tearing the country apart outside seems like little more than a distant nightmare.

and instead of sitting, he lets himself linger near one of the bookshelves, fingertips skimming the titles. it's an odd assortment with no rhyme or reason that he can tell, but... he hesitates over one, and then there's a disbelieving little laugh. ]

Is this --? [ handsome sentient food pounds my butt and turns me gay. ] You have Chuck Tingler in your library?

[vacabdication]

I'm surprised to hear you're familiar with the illustrious Doctor's work! He's a riot on twitter. And books are actually surprisingly well-written, once you get past the premise.

[ Says the pink-clad self-appointed king who is having serious thoughts about wooing the handsome young freedom fighter who just happens to be the son of said king's ex-lover. Pagan Min doesn't have a leg to stand on with regards to what constitutes a ridiculous premise. Instead of dwelling on that he shucks his blazer and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt, carries one of the glasses over to Ajay and presses it gently into his hand. ]

Shall we toast?

[vaaris]

[ he isn't, not really. enough to recognize the name and one of the ridiculous titles put together, but honestly? ajay had always sort of assumed the books were nothing more than jokes, and the last thing he was expecting was to stumble across one in the wild. in kyrat.

but he takes the drink when it's pressed into his hand, and pagan actually gets a quick lopsided smile in lieu of a proper thank you. ]

... to clearing up misunderstandings?

[vacabdication]

And rebuilding lost connections.

[ There are some matters in which Pagan is a traditionalist, so it is unthinkable not to drink after a toast. He does, raising his glass to Ajay first, and then settles onto the couch with his legs crossed at the knee. ]

So. Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? Or shall I just either pepper you with questions or regale you with stories until we hit on something worthwhile?

[vaaris]

[ he takes his own drink from the glass in his hand, and then... well. drops down into a seat beside pagan on the couch, because what's the point in regaining the distance now? maybe he's not ready to deal with how much he liked it, but he's past the point of hiding on the other side of the room. ]

We can take turns. One question for you, and then one for me. Deal?

[ another drink from his glass, almost like he's sealing the terms. ]