I get a little bit Genghis Khan

[vacabdication]

[ There have been continents and decades passed between when Ajay and Pagan knew each other. Happily, Ajay’s time in Kyrat to date has made Pagan very aware of at least one thing they still share; a flair for the dramatic. Such a flair is probably at least partly to blame for why it’s been night on impossible for Pagan to get a message to Ajay about meeting without Ajay dramatically disposing of the messenger. There’s the radio, of course, but Pagan doesn’t quite trust that nobody is listening in, and it wouldn’t do to have any of those delightful little monkeys decide to try and off Ajay for fraternizing with the enemy. So he lays the groundwork, plants the idea – ends one of his rambling calls with I’ll have to have you to dinner, sometime, and leaves it at that.

Then it’s terribly easy to have Ajay scooped up after those awful little tourists send him out on a jaunt on one of their experimental substances – god, a look at the two of them and it’s easy to remember why, accent aside, he is far more likely to present himself as of Hong Kong than of England – and brought back to the palace. Of course, he’s high as a bloody kite, and Pagan is rather proud of the delicacies he’s acquired for their little soiree a deux, so he has Ajay sequestered in a private room to recover. There is a fully stocked ensuite attached, which Pagan prays Ajay will use, and his clothes are filthy so Pagan has them ferreted away to be washed (and in some cases, mended) and a selection more suited to dinner with a King left for Ajay to choose from – a classic black tuxedo, a rather dashing and elaborately embroidered kurta set, several beautiful suits in an array of colours, even a selection of wonderful blazers and (please no) designer jeans, should that prove more within Ajay’s comfort zone. And, most importantly, a gilt invitation to dinner on thick, creamy-coloured card waiting for him on the bedside table when he wakes.

It might be sensible to have Ajay’s weapons removed, too. For maintenance, he could say. It would be a terrible, tragic loss if Ajay Ghale, son of Mohan and great hope of the Golden Path, were to suffer a sticky trigger while facing down a tiger, after all. But Pagan Min is not a sensible man, and so he chooses to give preference to the semi he gets thinking about an immaculately dressed Ajay vaulting the table to hold a pistol to Pagan’s temple rather than common sense.

After all, for Pagan Min to host a dull dinner would be unthinkable. ]

Comments

[vaaris]

[ how long has it been since ajay's slept soundly through the night? before his mom got sick, he's sure -- after, the nights were spent worrying or curled up in hospital chairs made with everything but comfort in mind. and then once she'd died, the apartment had become loud in its quiet, screaming her absence at him from every corner, until maybe he'd fled halfway around the world with her urn in his arms just to get away from it.

and then? kyrat, who wore him down to the bone and then made him afraid to sleep for the nightmares that would all-but-inevitably come. kyrat, who jerks him awake with squawks on the radio, someone else needing help, sabal's voice sounding just as tired as his when he says please brother, the sounds of gunfire beating a staccato against the echoes of the mountains.

pretty fucking weird, then, that the place he ends up being able to sleep is in the bed of the man he was doing the world a favor by trying to kill.

he's not even sure what actually wakes him up. the first thing he thinks is too early, but no, when he forces his eyes halfway open and blinks against the grit in them, the sunlight spilling through the big windows has the warmth of mid-morning. strange that there isn't the disorienting whirl of where am i that he might have been expecting; he just feels warm and sleepy and safe, more than willing to duck his head back down into the pillows and --

but there it is again. a soft clatter and a bustle of motion that had stirred him, and he reaches up an arm to scrub at his eyes as he turns to see what's -- ]

Jesus Christ.

[ instantly, painfully awake, as if someone had doused him in freezing water.

because there, by the bed, is a kyrati woman attending to a tray of what must be breakfast, tucking away cloches and pouring juice and fussing over her presentation. at ajay's outburst, she turns and beams at him, saying something that he thinks might be good morning, absolutely nonplussed by the sight of an unmistakably naked terrorist in her boss's bed. then she turns and goes right back to finishing up, as if this is the most normal morning in the world.

ajay, for his part, is doing his absolute damndest to shrink slowly beneath the sheets like a turtle huddling back into its shell. when he'd considered the awkwardness of a morning after, this hadn't even been a factor. ]

[vacabdication]

Don't worry, she doesn't mind. Do you, dear? Thank you, that's very nice. You may go.

{ honestly Pagan had thought Ajay mitth sleep through it. God knows he'd slept like a log through the night; Pagan had woken several times, but unlike normal when he'd then write the evening off as a lost cause he'd decided to just enjoy Ajay's presence and unfailingly, every time, the other man's warmth and steady breathing had lulled him back to sleep. It's a gift. He can only hope he'll be allowed to treasure it just a little longer.

He smiles, presses a kiss to Ajay's temple. ]

Good morning.

[vaaris]

[ clearly, he's fallen through some crack in the universe in the middle of the night and woken up in an alternate universe. one where it's business as usual for the king of kyrat and the guy who's been trying his damndest to blow him up to be tangled up naked in bed together, and one where pagan speaks warmly to his staff instead of shrieking at them the way he's always doing to that poor gary guy over the radio.

it's all a bit too much to process.

but pagan smiling at him, pressing a kiss to his temple, it soothes the finer points of his mortification. especially once the woman has gone and it's just the two of them again, morning sunlight and the smell of breakfast warming up the room. he could get used to this, he thinks -- and more than that, maybe he wants to. ]

Mm. [ he throws an arm back over pagan's middle, presses a drowsy, open-mouthed kiss to the older man's shoulder. ] Yeah, it is.

[vacabdication]

[ Well, it's lovely to see the clinginess that presented itself overnight hasn't evaporated with morning's light, and Pagan doesn't even bother to hide his happy little hum when Ajay slings an arm over him. He'd almost forgotten what this was like - waking up in the morning in bed with someone you're very attracted to, whom all evidence suggests is also attracted to you. It had been a long time since anyone touched him in lust - even longer since someone touched him with affection. It's a wonderful feeling. ]

And how are you feeling this morning, my boy?

[vaaris]

[ like this, pressed close together, pagan's voice is a rumble that ajay can feel as much as he can hear. almost like the purr of a great big cat, and ajay likes it. tucks himself up a little closer, even as he hooks a foot around one of the legs of the cart containing their breakfast. ]

Depends. On what they --

[ but he's cut off as he pulls the tray close enough to see what's on it, because. it's? honestly? the most american shit he's ever seen. bacon and eggs and buttered toast on one plate, pancakes stacked high and gleaming with syrup on another, and a bowl of what any self-respecting american kid would recognize as fruit loops (even if ajay's mom never actually let him eat the stuff). and just in case none of the other offerings hit the spot? there's a little square package of cellophane that promises pop tarts. ]

I -- [ there are a profound few moments of silence as he takes all of this in, and processes the fact that there is no fucking way this just happens to be the kind of breakfast pagan eats on the daily. ] ... are you trying to seduce me with breakfast?

[vacabdication]

No! My dear boy, I would never be so crass.

[ Ajay is right on the money, thought. This is not Pagan's usual breakfast. Pagan's usual breakfast is black coffee, some cut fruit, and if it was a particularly rough night (they often are) a few lines of almost offensively pure cocaine. This is entirely a seduction, although not the kind Ajay may be thinking of. ]

I was trying to seduce you with the kiss. This is me trying to convince you to stay. Or at least come around more often. Although if the most I can hope for is another round, I'll gladly take that too.

[vaaris]

[ ah. weird how that does something to him, like someone pressing their fingertips on a bruise. but it's a good sort of tenderness -- the shine of being wanted hasn't worn off, and this confirmation that pagan still wants it even with the light of morning on the idea? it's good. even better than pop tarts, maybe. ]

You don't have to convince me. Just ask me.

[vacabdication]

I don't want to.

[ That sounds churlish. He tries to soothe it with a little kiss, and explains himself. ]

People ask so much of you, Ajay. Always asking you for things. Ajay, will you secure this factory for us? Ajay, will you protect the statues for us? Ajay, will you hunt for this village even though they could feed their fucking selves if they put their minds to it? I hoped to let it be a decision you might make on your own. For you.

[vaaris]

[ ouch.

he gets just enough time to feel the sting of it, and then pagan's leaning down to soothe it with a kiss and the explanation that follows. and that's -- oh. he feels oddly seen, laid bare, and it's... well, it should be terrifying. disorienting, at least. but instead? it feels like being cared about.

and while there's a part of him that almost says it's not like that out of reflex, the words feel like they come with enough weight to warrant a little more consideration. ]

... if I tell you I want to, does that make it different? [ and then his voice drops, almost shyly. ] I just like hearing that you want me here.

[vacabdication]

It certainly does.

[ And it's enough to warrant a shift in position, something that allows him to curl his arms around Ajay in return and look him in the eyes. ]

I have wanted you here in the palace with me since before I knew who you were. Now that I do know, and especially now that we have this between us, I want you here even more. Not as a vague concept of someone I once cared a great deal for, but as a man I feel I have come to know and admire. It would give me great joy if you were to call the palace home.

I want you to stay here. With me. Will you?

[vaaris]

[ ah, shit. it's not as if ajay didn't have a mild suspicion that he's totally fucked, here. but that? it's weapons-grade, and what it does to something in his chest is wonderful and more than a little terrifying all at once. ]

Yeah. Yeah, obviously. [ falling for this guy, he attempts to remind his heart, is probably the worst idea he's ever had. in response, he's pretty sure his heart flips him the bird. ] I mean, I know there's a lot of shit we've got to figure out, but yeah.

I want to stay here. [ leaning up so that he can bump their foreheads together affectionately. ] With you.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh.

Oh, yes, okay. See, the thing is, Pagan had been hoping for at best an "I'll come by sometimes", so he's unprepared for such an enthusiastic acceptance. So there's a stuuned moment of silence before he laughs, bright and loud. ]

Wonderful! Wonderful. Oh, you've made me a very happy man.

[ And it would be too much to add how long it's been since he was happy, so instead he breaks that sweet little forehead bump to kiss Ajay, deeply and enthusiastically. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's a good kiss. the kind of kiss that curls your toes and leaves you melting into the sheets, and by the time they have to break away to breathe? he's grinning up at pagan like an idiot, kiss-drunk and more than a little in love and stupidly happy considering how fucked the past few weeks have been. ]

I can't believe you asked me to move in on the first date. I'm not that great in bed.

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan catches Ajay's face between his hands, and gives him a very serious look. ]

You'll recall I promised not to lie to you. Ajay, you are that good. You are that good in bed, and better yet you let me believe I am too. I didn't know a man could come like that, I thought it was a myth. And you did it on my cock, and made me feel like a god.

[ A beat. ]

But of course, you also know that's not why. Not just that.

[vaaris]

[ he was kidding! seriously! but the conviction with which pagan says all of that has heat crawling up from his neck and into his cheeks, and it only takes a few seconds before he's trying to squirm an escape from the intensity of that look.

... not that he doesn't like hearing it, but jesus. ]

You can't just say stuff like that to people. [ at least not with that much fervor! but when in doubt, try to shove it to arms' length with humor, so. ] Unless you're just trying to get me to agree you've got the dick of a god.

[vacabdication]

I could never ask you to make such an assertion on so little evidence. Further study is clearly required.

[ Pagan may be rigorously honest, but that doesn't meant he can't ease the way with a little humor. He still seals the pronouncement with a kiss, though, something soft and lingering. ]

Hungry?

[ Because if not, he is 100% going to try and skip to that research he mentioned. ]

[vaaris]

[ unfortunately for pagan, that comment earns him a snort right into that kiss. doubly unfortunate? is that he's decided to take up with a guy in his twenties, because they're very rarely the sort to turn down a meal. ]

Yeah, hang on. [ wriggling just free enough of pagan's hold on him so that he can sit up and grab for the tray, settling it on the bed between them and careful not to jostle anything. but when he does? he notices that's not all that was brought in on the cart -- there's a thick, leather-bound book tucked onto a lower shelf, and it's such a weird thing to go with breakfast that he can't help himself. you know what they say about curiosity and cats. ]

Do you usually get people to bring you reading material with your eggs, or -- [ but what he was about to say gets lost when he flips the book open, replaced by a soft little oh. it's clear now that it's a photo album, and that first page is all ishwari. in the kitchens like she belongs there, chopping vegetables with the rest of the staff bustling around her. trying to reach a hand up to block someone from taking her picture, her face lit up with laughter. caught unawares in profile, leaning out over one of the balconies with the mountains as her backdrop. sitting in front of the mirror and braiding her hair, the smile in her eyes a warm secret for the person behind her. a chubby-cheeked baby that must be him in her arms, and the love on her face as she looks down at him is such an open thing that it wedges a sharp lump in ajay's throat. ]

[vacabdication]

[ It's a journey, watching the emotion unfold on Ajay's face. For a moment Pagan thinks he should have warned him, that the wound might be too raw for something like this to come as a surprise, but... really, it looks as if it might hurt in the good kind of way. The way it hurts when the missing someone would be unbearable, but for the warmth of the love all tangled up in it. ]

Not too much, I hope. I should warn you that once you get about a third of the way in, there are pictures that might make you quite angry with me. Things I haven't said, and probably should have.

[ Because that's where Ishwari starts showing, the swell of her pregnant belly obvious under her clothes. And after that, of course, there is Lakshmana. In her mother's embrace, held proudly by her father, and in her brother's arms, the two of them surrounded by a barricade of cushions, because they didn't have the heart to deny his requests to hold her. ]

[vaaris]

[ he flicks a little glance at pagan, because it's hard to imagine anything in here that would make him angry, but. the pictures are irresistible, and he can't pull his eyes away for long.

the next page has pagan, dark-haired and younger than ajay is now, and the happiness on his face is something so unguarded that it almost hurts to look at. the joy of a man who thinks nothing will ever take it away from him, with no defenses built towards what's to come. ]

You're so young. [ one thing to read age as a number in mohan's journals, another to see the photo proof of it here in front of him. kids, really, both of them. and if his voice is thick, he thinks pagan won't call him on it, even as he tucks himself back up against him. ] You both were.

[vacabdication]

[ Warning delivered, it's the easiest thing in the world to curl his arm around Ajay as he tucks in close, holding him and looking at the pictures he talks about. God, he really was young. And devilishly handsome. And so, so unprepared. ]

Mm. Younger than you are now. I would have been... twenty-two there, I think. Your mother, twenty. We were practically children.

[ So idealistic. Well, Ishwari was, in that way of incredible young women who think they'll change the world. And she'd made Pagan want to be that too, want to change it with her. ]

[vaaris]

She looks happy.

[ he's seen her happy before. he knows he has, but not quite like this. like she's lit up from the inside with it, like it clings to her even in the pictures where she isn't smiling. like this one, where she has her hands on her hips, eyes flashing -- but it's still there, that glow.

there's another picture of what must be him learning to walk, little face screwed up in concentration, one chubby hand clutching at two of pagan's fingers. and pagan is looking down at him like ajay invented walking instead, so much stupid pride on his face that ajay can't stop his mouth from tugging up into a smile.

there's a new face on the next page -- a girl younger than pagan, late teens, maybe? holding toddler-ajay at arms length like he's some particularly gross species of bug, her face screwed up into a scowl that's clearly directed at whoever's holding the camera. ] Who's she?

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, that one of Ajay trying to walk is one of Pagan's favourites. The theory at the time had been to let children learn on their own - he knows, because he'd gone to the trouble of sourcing books about it. But he'd never been able to resist when Ajay crawled to him and held out his plump little hands in a plea for help.

Then, of course, there's the next page, and he barks a laugh. ]

You don't recognize her? It pains me to say that she's barely aged.

[ Of course, she does look a little different without the undercut, the stripe of pink, the deadly army at her beck and call. ]

That's your Auntie Yuma.

[vaaris]

Yuma Lau?

[ he hasn't had any run-ins with her personally, but the golden path tell stories. she's the terror of the north, a nightmare who feeds men to demons in her prison carved in the mountains, but here? she looks more like a surly teenager than the stuff of fearful legends. even more so in the next picture, where she's flipping off the camera and rolling her eyes. ]

I kind of thought she was something the Golden Path made up to scare their kids into behaving.

[vacabdication]

Ha! It never worked on you. You loved her. Probably because she did things like throwing you in the air higher than your mother or I were comfortable with, or cheering when you learned to swear.

[ This story does not need the additional detail that Ajay learned to swear from Pagan. It's lovely as it is. ]

She and your mother were never destined to be best friends, but they got along. I think Yuma slightly resented being treated like an unruly younger sister when it was Yuma's machinations that brought us to Kyrat, but they always managed to bond over teasing me.

[vaaris]

We were like a weird little family, huh?

[ and maybe that should make the present uncomfortable, the way he's tucked up against pagan in bed, but. it doesn't. instead, maybe it just makes him understand all that conviction in pagan's voice when he said i would never hurt you, or the way it feels like he already has a hollowed-out home in pagan's heart that's been waiting for him.

a picture of baby-ajay sitting in a mud puddle, beaming up at the camera and covered nearly head to toe in muck. a picture of him holding out what looks like a frog to pagan, and the little scrunch in the other man's brow that says he's putting on his bravest face to accept this for the treasure it is. a picture of the three of them, pagan's head on ishwari's lap, ajay sprawled across his chest and sleeping. ]

Is that what you think's going to bother me? Seeing us like this?