fourstrings | never been a better time than this

never been a better time than this

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

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[ Pagan runs his fingers along the bottles until he finally plucks out a favourite - sandalwood, in his opinion very sexy and masculine without being aggressive or Axe-y - and steals another kiss off Ajay's lips. ]

Do I? Must have been wishful thinking. What do you know, maybe The fucking Secret works.

[ that gets a laugh, because the idea of pagan min holing himself up in his palace to read the secret while the golden path stormily plots his destruction is... well, amazing. the absolute apathy with which pagan seems to view the golden path and their machinations was something of a shock to ajay when he first stumbled into the palace, but now? it's almost like an odd inside joke.

and there's something nice about the way pagan picks something out for him -- it's the same kind of indulgent fussing pagan shows when he's trying to coax ajay into a nicer pair of boots or a wamer jacket, and... sometimes (sometimes) ajay likes it. likes that someone cares enough to want to fuss, likes the practical reminders of pagan's affection. ]

I like it. [ honestly, warmly. ] It makes me feel...

[ treasured? like something worthy of being possessed, a jewel pagan has fought to claim as his own. ] ... like you know where I belong.

[ Oh. The only thing better than Ajay laughing at his jokes is Ajay being open and unguarded with him, and now he gets both? Wonderful. So he hums his agreement, Picks Ajay's hand up one more time and presses it to his chest, over his heart. ]

Right here.

[ And he step in closer, so their bodies are pressed together in a close line, feeling the warmth of Ajay's skin even under the heat of the shower. ]

I like that you like it. I like that when you realized you were free to choose, you chose me.

[ it's such a tender thing, and the surge of affection it sparks it ajay is almost fierce in response. he ducks down to press a kiss to the other man's mouth. even when he pulls away, he doesn't go far -- stays close enough to press their foreheads together and curling his free hand around the nape of pagan's neck. ]

Guess that means I don't have to ask if it's okay that I stick around for awhile. [ like he's ever really doubted the answer, but still. ] Pretty sure my days of being a Golden Path celebrity just crashed and burned.

Whereas your days of being a celebrity here are at the mere beginning of their burdensome eternity.

[ It's meant to be a joke, but some of the effect is lost with how absolutely delighted Pagan sounds about it. It's good that Ajay wants to stay, even better that he knows he doesn't have to ask, and so Pagan tips his face up just enough to turn that tender loop Ajay makes of them into a kiss. ]

[ ajay is more that happy to answer that kiss, even though the idea of his celebrity at the palace is enough to make him want to groan and go languishing into the corner. but... the idea of staying? having a safe place to sleep at night, warm meals and hot baths whenever he wants them? and best of all, this -- someone who loves him and wants him here, someone who simply wants to adore him. ]

Home sweet home. [ murmured right up against pagan's mouth, marked by a little grin. ]

Home.

[ There's an ache in the way he says it. For a very long time no matter how lushly comfortable he's tried to make the palace, full of silks and cozy fine wool and piles of cushions to fall into, it's still felt more like a fortress. It's Ajay's presence here that had it feeling like a home again, and the thought of that being a more permanent thing is heartbreakingly good. He grabs a quick pump of that sandalwood bodywash, starts smoothing ti over Ajay's body, and it's less about cleaning him off that in is about inviting him in - a slow reverence in his hands as they pass over his skin, loving, adoring. ]

[ ajay hmms a low sound as pagan starts lathering his skin with that bodywash, more than content to stand still and let him. there's a quiet sort of devotion in this, and he craves it -- how long has it been since someone wanted nothing more than to take care of him? (how long since he was comfortable enough to surrender and let them?) ]

They might retaliate. [ because it's a nagging thought that he can't quite shake off. but the tone is more contemplative than worried; not much he can do about it now. ] Sabal isn't the type to take that and not bite back.

Well, if somebody wasn't both the light of my life and the closest thing I have to a moral compass, that wouldn't be an issue right now.

[ But it's light, teasing, because as much as a pain in the ass as this might prove to be he's glad for the way Ajay's changing him. There have been times in his life where he hasn't even felt like a person and here Ajay is, building him back into not just a person but something that, if seen in low light and from the right angle, might be mistaken for a good one. ]

He might have caused the odd problem out there, but he's used to dealing with the army. We save the Royal Guard for the bigger threats. Like you. Also, I must point out, here in the palace with me. He will try something, and we'll be ready for him, and he will fail.

[ it's reassuring. ajay isn't honestly worried about himself -- he's gotten out of worse scrapes, and honestly? the likes of yuma lau still scares him more than sabal ever can. at least sabal is too direct to be conniving, especially when he's pissed. if he tries something, it'll be a show of force, and ajay doesn't doubt that he can ride it out.

but he's not used to protecting someone. not like this, not where the idea of someone hurting pagan makes ajay feel like he's got thorns crisscrossed over his chest. painful with every inhale, hooking themselves in deep.

but pagan sounds calm, and that helps. as if he and ajay seeing the other side of every storm is inevitable. and ajay is willing to leech off that confidence to fill in the places where his own is lacking. they'll be fine. and if someone does break in here? they'll have hell to pay, ajay will see to that personally. ]

I feel like... [ a pause, trying to summon up the reference from what he remembers of history lessons in school. ] What was her name? Helen of Troy?

[ a snort. ] Less pretty, still managing to piss people off.

[ Pagan laughs at that, full-throated and charmed. He hadn't expected historical references out of Ajay, but it's a delight to hear. ]

I might argue with you about prettiness, but you do share having an alleged divine parent. Though I suppose just how flattering this comparison is for me rather depends on the storyteller.

[ And he's not going to work up a full head of steam on this, honestly! He's not here to bore Ajay - which is why he lets his hands settle on the firm cheeks of Ajay's ass, like he can anchor himself to what's really important. ]

In Homer's telling of it, Helen was very young and confused when she was given to King Menelaus, and wanted to be reunited with him after that prettyboy Paris stole her away. And they were together again, after it all. A rare happy ending from the Greeks.

[ okay, now that pagan spins the whole thing out, the story actually sounds way more like --

... something ajay is way to fucking smart to comment on. ]

Do you think we'll get one? [ he hooks his chin on pagan's shoulder, leaning into him a little more. ] A happy ending.

[ neither one of them probably deserve it, but. ]

I could give you a happy ending right here, given about three minutes and sufficient focus.

[ He waggles his eyebrows, making a joke of it, because happy endings haven't featured predominantly in his life. Ajay being here now feels like the closest he'll get, and more than he deserves; one last, great love before he reaches old age. But if he can make it permanent - if he can make Ajay stay - then he'll die happy, and until then he'll devote every waking moment to making sure Ajay is happy too.

The thought hits him with a lot more force than he was prepared for, sticks in his throat like a bite of poisoned apple for how impossible it seems, and he's suddenly quite glad Ajay is leaning on his shoulder and can't see his face. ]

I don't know. But you've certainly given me a happier now than I ever would have thought possible.

[ that gets a snort, leaning in to press a kiss affectionately to pagan's cheek. ]

Yeah, right. You'll slip, break your hip, and then I'll make fun of you for having to use a walker.

[ but -- oh. a happy now.

he likes that, likes that it seems like something he has more control over than some vague future. he'll work hard at what he has, and if he does well enough? maybe it'll bleed over into a happy tomorrow, natural as that. ]

... me too. I didn't think I deserved to be this happy, but... [ a little huff of breath. ] If it was a mistake, I don't want to give it back.

[ It's perfect. Ajay makes that crack about Pagan breaking his hip, which sends some of the building melancholy hissing out of him like a pressure valve, and then says that, and it's precisely what he needed to hear. He's not really in a position to make promises - he can promise to love Ajay, to do what he can to keep him safe and cared for, but everything he can offer is only within his power so far as Ajay is willing to let it be. But snatching this happiness together with both hands, claiming it for themselves? That feels perfectly doable.

He lifts his hands from Ajay's ass, finally, buries them in his wet hair and pulls him into a kiss that's deep, searching, and full of love. ]

Don't. Cling to it. And as long as you're here with me, I'll do everything I can to make sure you're still happy. Let me take care of you the only way I know how.

[ ah. that kiss is good the same way it always is, full of heat but also of so much love that ajay can feel it all the way down to his toes. so much that he's smiling by the time pagan pulls away again -- it's hard to dwell on bad thoughts when he's with someone who knows how to make him feel like that. ]

Ridiculous spending and a whole lot of sex? [ with another kiss, almost playful this time, catching pagan's lower lip in his teeth and tugging. ]

Exactly.

[ He's grinning, pleased Ajay responded so instantly, but it inspires him. He likes to think he'd done a good job down in the meeting room, but it had still been very much about his ego to begin with. And so close on the heels of something that must have made him feel dirty, used -

Pagan can't undo what happened. All he can do is wrap Ajay up in his own adoration, let him know how safe and cherished he is here, that there isn't a single thing about him too secret or dirty for Pagan to love. And Ajay's taught him very well how to demonstrate that, hasn't he? ]

Here. Turn around.

[ And he puts a hand on Ajay's shoulder and one on his hip, guiding him before he goes to his knees behind him. ]

What --

[ but before he can really protest, he's being turned towards the shower wall. it's enough to prompt a ???, but one look behind him is all he needs to see pagan dropping down to his knees, and. oh.

oh.

it's entirely pointless to blush like a virgin when 1) he's just been fucked over a table with a secret audience and 2) he knows damn well where pagan's inspiration came from. still! he feels the heat flood up from the nape of his neck and into his face, and he shifts away shyly. ]

Wait -- [ he's more than comfortable doing this, but pagan's never shown the slightest interest in reciprocating. which iss more than fine -- he puts his mouth to use in a hundred other ways that feel wonderful -- but... now? ] Seriously, it's -- You don't have to.

I know, darling boy. I know I don't have to. It would be a lot less appealing if I thought I did.

[ And that's true, too. Ajay's always been so willing to take Pagan as he is, never pressuring, never poking at him to change. Even when it comes to fixing Kyrat, Ajay doesn't demand from him. He just leads by example, beautiful and driven, and makes Pagan want to come along for the ride.

And really, he's had an awful lot of firsts with Ajay. It makes him hungry for another. ]

I want to. May I?

[ god. admittedly, just the thought that pagan wants to do this for him is enough to make the heat bloom in ajay's belly all over again; he's always been more than happy with their relationship the way it is, willing to happily take whatever he's given, but. that doesn't mean he's never thought about it.

and after another moment of hesitation, he manages a little nod, turning away to brace himself on the shower wall before he backs down from the whole thing entirely. ]

[ The urge strikes him to say thanks, but he has the distinct feeling that that might make Ajay lose his nerve entirely. He's always so concerned with pleasing people that it's too easy to imagine him shying away. So pagan puts it into a little kiss instead, pressed against the swell of Ajay's ass, and presses in.

It's.. fine. He tastes of lube and of Pagan, and that by itself is exciting to him, so he does it again, swiping the flat of his tongue over Ajay's hole and giving a quiet hum as he does. ]

[ he's so wound up that even that little kiss is enough to make him jolt, bracing himself with one hand on the wall of the shower to keep from slipping his feet out from under him. but then he exhales a breathless little laugh at his own nerves, prepared to make some kind of joke --

and pagan slides the flat of his tongue right up against him.

ajay moans before he can help it, rocking himself back just a little into that touch. the idea of pagan doing this for him is almost as overwhelming as how good it feels; the heat in him is a sizzling, eager thing, already enough to boil his blood. ] Pagan.

[ Oh, that's enough. That's more than enough. Ajay presses back against him, says his name like that, and suddenly all Pagan wants is to lave his tongue against him until every trace of himself and the lube is gone, until all he can taste is Ajay. So he does it again - grips the cheeks of Ajay's ass in his his hands and spreads them gently apart so he can get in closer, deeper, so he can try and draw that reaction out again. ]

Oh, fuck.

[ it's almost senseless, because the way pagan spreads him open and goes diving enthusiastically in is enough to make ajay's brain sizzle. almost on instinct, he spreads his legs a little further and cants his hips back, trying to make it easier, trying to offer himself up on the proverbial silver platter. ]

That's so good -- Yeah, yes --

[ He can't answer, of course. If he could, he'd tell Ajay that he deserves it. That Pagan would have done it much sooner if he'd known Ajay would sound like this, if he's offer himself up so sweetly, if knowing it was all for him would feel so good -

but he can't, so he just keeps it up. Presses with the tip of his tongue until he feels that little knot of resistance give, until Ajay lets him in, and wonders if he'll have to work harder for it next time when he hasn't fucked Ajay open first. ]

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