When the world is too dark

[anthophilia]

[ The Evergreen has a strong no-assholes policy. This is undermined somewhat by the fact that Nick basically runs it now, but it means he can use himself as a gauge. If anyone’s a bigger asshole than he is, they get kicked out.

Steve is the kind of asshole who should have been kicked out way earlier. That’s on Nick. He was over-cautious, cut the guy too much of a break, because running this bar is the only thing that has him making enough cash to keep up with his responsibilities. He’d worried that word would get around that The Evergreen wasn’t a friendly place anymore, and he’d ruin the reputation Al had carefully built up for it over the years, drive customers away. And it’s not just because Al’s basically promised him the place and it’s his future he’s gambling on, but respect for Al. He built Nick sure as he built up this bar, and the very least Nick can do in return is not tank it. And in fairness, Steve had started slow: the kind of coarse jokes that are mean instead of funny, taking sly digs at people. Way too much flirting with women beyond the point it became clear that they didn’t want to be flirted with, at least not by Steve. Nick finally found his balls the night he’d rounded the corner to check there was enough paper in the johns and seen Steve caging a girl in against the wall, face leaning in even though hers was twisted adamantly away. He’d grabbed the man by collar and belt with no regard for the fact that Steve had a good three inches and 20 pounds on him, marched him out the door, and told him not to come back, ever.

Which means that Steve is now going on the Wall of Shame, and he’d been such a dick about it Nick wants to make it a special occasion. There’s a little florist across the street that’s probably gonna close down any day now, judging by the amount of foot traffic they get, so before opening the next day Nick heads over to give them a little last bit of support. There’s a little bell that rings cutely as he pushes the door open, a blast of welcome cool, fragrant air, and… the most beautiful man he’s ever laid eyes on behind the counter. Blond hair in one of those trendy cuts that look goofy on most people that aren’t pop stars but somehow suits him just right, big eyes shaded with long lashes, a sweet little beauty mark.

Nick stops dead just inside the door, confident that if he takes one more step without preparation he’s gonna trip over his own feet. ]

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[anthophilia]

[ He won't say it's not disappointing, but Nick at least wants to be a good guy. Someone the kids can, if not look up to, at least not be led astray by. So he stops immediately - retracts his thumb, wriggles his wrist in that hold Vash has on it until he can slip his hand in there instead. ]

What's up?

[ Wants to take it slow? No biggie, he's worth the wait. Virg- nah. Not unless he's a saving-it-for-marriage type, in which case he probably would have been a little less cool about Nick saying he didn't exactly believe in God, and a lot less cool about Nick being a dude. Not the husband thing. Probably. ]

[spiculatus]

Uh, it's...

[ kind of a pain in the ass that there isn't a script for this. back in college, when he'd dipped his toes into the whole idea of parties, and makeouts with strangers after a little bit too much cheap booze, vash had just tried to... go for it. only once, because that was all it took. let the girl get his shirt off without trying to explain anything beforehand, hoping that it was dark enough and they were tipsy enough for it not to matter.

but she'd slid her hand up his side and felt one of the worst ones, pulled back to see, and. well. yeah, that had been the end of that.

a couple of other times, he's tried to explain it on a first date, but it's always managed to kill the conversation on the spot. they'd both been too nice to end things there, but it had been... kind of obvious. one ghosted afterwards, and one hit him with the sorry, you seem nice, i'm just not looking for anything serious right now! so that was that plan.

and he's tried it this way, too. letting the other person get to know him a little before he goes plunging into the reveal, trying to make it obvious that, despite how gnarly his skin looks, he's just a guy! a guy who doesn't even mind keeping his shirt on, if that would make things work!

it never does.

he likes wolfwood, and it sucks. there's a part of him that wants to make up an excuse about being shy and ask if they can go back to watching the movie; at least he'll get one evening of being able to cuddle up and pretend. but... now he knows what it's like to have his mouth on wolfwood's, and it feels pretty obvious that vash would just slip up and end up right back here. sooner rather than later. probably even before the credits roll.

better to just rip the bandaid off. wolfwood seems like a nice guy, and it feels like maybe they can still be friends afterwards! ]

You kinda figured out the arm already! [ going for cheery, like the thing he's about to drop in wolfwood's lap is No Big Deal. ] But, uh... when I was younger, I was in a pretty bad wreck. [ then, rushing to throw this in, like it's the pressing concern: ] I'm all good now, no worries!

It just, uh. I got a little banged up. A lot banged up, I guess.

[ seeing is believing. which is why he finally just lets himself drop back against the couch and reaches down to tug up the hem of his sweater, letting wolfwood see. there's a thick white scar that slices up from his pubic bone to just under his sternum, deep enough to still be puckered faintly around the edges -- it's where they had to open him up for surgery; first immediately after the accident, then again a few days later when something set off another round of internal bleeding. there are other smaller scars that criss-cross his skin here and there, most of them silvery with age, none of them a big deal. the old burn scars, though, are probably what sends most people heading for the hills. the biggest of them splashes from his hip up his side and part of his back, still angry-pink and rough to the touch. there are others splotched elsewhere, and also the neater, squared-off places where the skin is just a little off-color from the rest, sites where they'd had to graft skin to piece back together the rest of them.

faced with all that, almost no one notices the two scars from his top surgery that curve underneath his pecs. unexpected side benefit. ]

It's okay, totally okay, if you can't handle it. [ forcing more levity into his voice than he feels. ] We can just go back to watching the movie! I just didn't want to, like, jump scare you with the Frankenstein thing.

[anthophilia]

[ Maybe growing up in and working with the orphanage has helped him in ways he didn't even realize, because it's probably what helps him keep the shock off his face. They've had kids who've come in older when they had no other relatives to take them after they healed up from accidents that took out their parents. Most of the safe surrender kids are like him - just unwanted - but a few of them have been babies whose tininess and innocence wasn't enough to make up for what still gets called birth defects. You learn to greet every kid just the same, not to stare, but equally to engage if the kid starts talking about it, because the worst thing you can do is make it seem like it's shameful and shouldn't be discussed. The worst one, the one that sits with him the most, is a little girl who'd been removed from her family, who'd asked him "wanna see my tattoo?" and rolled up her sleeve to reveal the kind of smudged bluish mess you'd end up with if you tried to give a small child a stick-and-poke. All he could think to do was say "oh, here's mine" and tug down the collar of his shirt to show her the two linework wolves - one big, one little - approximately over his heart, hoping the sharing covered the fury boiling in him at the sight of it.

So he does this the same way he does it with the kids. Vash is inviting him to look, so he sits back and he looks. Take mental stock of them to break it down into easily digestible parts instead of a whole that spells out pain and suffering and risks painting his face with pity - never welcome, never helpful, always more about the person pitying than the one being pitied. And then, finally, he sees those other two scars. Tidy little things, the mark of something that could be done with efficient care instead of a desperate bid to preserve. It's a surprise, honestly - Nick didn't clock him at all - but not a game-changer. None of it is.

He takes a breath. ]

I'm immune to jump scares. Watched too many horror movies when I was too young. Got in plenty of trouble for it, too.

This doesn't scare me. None of it, you get me? I understand if you wanna slow things down, if you wanna be sure about me first, but I'd be happy to keep going at the speed we were at.

[spiculatus]

[ he's learned, by now, not to watch the other person's face while they're looking. the scars tend to provoke a whole range of emotions, and almost none of it is that fun to have aimed at you -- shock, disgust, pity, sometimes a little too much naked curiosity. honestly, vash doesn't even like to watch nai looking, because the way his twin's eyes shutter and his jaw clenches just makes him feel guilty. so he stares at the ceiling and tries not to fidget, letting wolfwood take the whole thing in.

and when the other guy takes a breath? vash pastes on a smile he comes nowhere close to feeling, already gearing up the usual speech about how no, it's fine! i totally get it, it's no big deal. it's always a little ironic how someone can make you feel shitty and then expect you to comfort them, but vash kinda gets it. no one wants to feel like the bad guy just because they're up against something they can't handle.

but then wolfwood does speak, and what he says proceeds to knock the breath right out of vash. he blinks, eyes jerking away from the ceiling and onto the other man's face, confusion etched out all over his expression. ]

-- Wait. Seriously? ... it doesn't freak you out?

[anthophilia]

Nah.

Makes me sad to think you got hurt so bad, but you know what always cheers me up? Snuggling with a hot guy.

[ That's... a little glib, and raises another point that he should probably be clear about so that Vash doesn't wonder and feel like he has to do two big reveals. ]

I noticed that too, by the way. Didn't clock you, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm into you.

[spiculatus]

[ it's officially the first time the conversation has gone even sort of this way, and vash is speechless. he's pretty good at the script for the other half of it, but now? he's... realizing that he actually never bothered figuring out what to say if someone was cool with all of it. at some point, maybe it just seemed that unlikely.

for this level of easy acceptance, wolfwood probably deserves a blowjob. at least a kiss!

what he gets instead is the sight vash staring at him like he's grown an extra head, and then... tearing up. and not even in the cute way -- this promises that there's about to be blubbering and snot. ] Wha -- You -- I --

[ stupidly, the only thing that manages to come out is a very wet: ] You are?

[anthophilia]

Yeah.

[ Wait, is he - is he going to cry? Is he starting to cry? ]

That's okay, right? I know some people are... weird about it. It's not like it's a preference, more like... I don't have a preference.

[ Livio tells him the correct term for this is pan. Nick thinks of it as nobody's business unless he's trying to date them. ]

[spiculatus]

[ for what it's worth, vash is trying his hardest not to cry, because that's only a turn-on for the kind of people who would send vash scrambling to flee the room. unfortunately, trying to stifle the crying mostly just means he's making weird little noises with tears tracking down his cheeks. ]

No! I mean, wait, yes! It's super okay! It's awesome! [ grabbing wolfwood by the face with both hands, trying to impress upon him the absolute okay-ness of what's happening right now. ] You're awesome!

I'm gonna kiss you now, is that cool? [ lunging forward to do it before wolfwood even gets a chance to sign off, so enthusiastic about it that he's practically wriggling underneath him. ]

[anthophilia]

[ A kiss! It's a nice one, too, if a little... wet. He kisses back, but does pull back after a few (really great, despite the tears) beats to look Vash in the eye. ]

You're okay? Kinda seems like you're processing some shit. I'm not going anywhere, if you wanna take a minute.

[spiculatus]

[ it's a very kind offer, and very rude of vash to respond by snorting at him. it's not even fair! he knows he cries at the drop of a hat, and he knows it usually takes people some getting used to.

maybe it's the fact that the main thing he wants to process is the best way to get a hand down wolfwood's pants that makes it funny. ]

A-okay! [ reaching up to scrub determinedly at the tears with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. ] It just caught me off-guard a little, that's all.

It shouldn't have, though. [ beaming up at him, and it's real all the way through even if his eyes are still a little watery. ] I could tell from the first time I saw you that you're a really nice person.

[anthophilia]

[ The laugh catches Nick a little off-guard, but it's pretty quickly chased by a laugh of his own. He doesn't exactly consider himself someone who projects an aura of nice - hell, even the kids at St Michaels, who love him, went through a phase of calling him Grumpy Cat (each new meme resulting in his visits opening with some little ratbag holding a tablet aloft and crowing NICO, LOOK, IT'S YOU) - but if Vash thinks he's nice? He'll take it. He ducks in to press a brief kiss to Vash's lips, and smiles. ]

High praise, coming from you. You're about the sweetest person I've ever met.

[spiculatus]

Naaaaaah.

[ but he's grinning, reaching up to twine his arms around wolfwood's shoulders all over again. ]

I'm just trying to make a good impression. Once I've got my hooks in you, watch out.

[anthophilia]

Hate to break it to you, Blondie, but they're already in.

[ Which seems like as good a segue as any to put his hands back on Vash's waist and lean in to kiss him again. Soft at first, waiting to see if Vash suddenly says actually I think I AM processing some trauma here, but he quickly gets carried away with it. Vash's tongue tastes far better than his tears. ]

[spiculatus]

[ okay, if you'd asked him about fifteen minutes ago, vash would have sworn up and down that there was no way you could improve upon the experience of kissing wolfwood. but kissing wolfwood with the biggest potential hurdles already cleared? kissing wolfwood without having to worry that he's going to put a hand in the wrong place and have a realization that ruins things? it's... somehow, even better.

which accounts for the way vash surges back up against him to return that kiss, not letting it stay soft for long. groaning a little needy noise into the other man's mouth, unable to stop himself from sneaking his fingers up underneath wolfwood's shirt. ]

[anthophilia]

Mm.

[ He's never thought of the kind of person who mms into a kiss. It's cheesy! But here he is, mm-ing all over the place because it's Vash. Maybe the mms have been locked inside him all along, just waiting for someone who by all accounts kinda likes cheesy.

Vash sneaks fingers up his shirt, and Nick pulls back to flash him a grin and just strips his shirt right off. It's greedy as much as anything else - that touch feels good, and he wants to invite more of it. ]

[spiculatus]

[ wolfwood pulls back, and vash has about a split second to worry that he's gone a little too far, but. his expression melts into something closer to awe when the other man strips that shirt right off over his head. immediately, his hands are back on him -- sliding up his stomach and over his pecs, mouth halfway open and eyes dark with lust.

there's only one thing appropriate to say about this situation, and it's: ] Wow.

[anthophilia]

[ This was a good call. That touch is great - and the conviction that the prosthetic is a high-tech, fancy one only grows, because the pressure and movement of it is just as fluid as Vash's natural hand - but the look on Vash's face is even better. Nothing boosts the ego like looking at someone you want and seeing that they want you right back. ]

Thanks.

[ With a crooked little smile, because having someone say wow in response to pulling his shirt off is a little embarrassing - but in a good way, he decides, and he goes in for another kiss. ]

[spiculatus]

[ vash feels like insisting that he should be the one saying thanks. wolfwood has like what seems like an entirety of tanned skin and just the right amount of muscle, and he's decided he's into vash touching it? thanks barely even cuts it.

but he's sliding his hands down to wolfwood's hips as he dips back down for a kiss, making a low noise as he leans back up into it. kissing is... still wow! but, actually. hang on.

breaking it, pulling away a little. and then, after a fidget or two. ] Are you sure you don't mind if I --? [ tugging at the hem of his sweater, not quite looking up to meet the other man's eyes. ]

[anthophilia]

I'd like you to. I want to feel you close. I should warn you though, skin-on-skin makes me kinda crazy.

[ That's hardly novel, but it feels fair to give a warning. Not that he won't be able to stop, obviously! Just... that Vash'll probably be dealing with a boner sitting right in his lap if they take it further. ]

It's up to you, Blondie. I know it's only been a day, but I'm nuts enough about you that if you just wanna get back to the movie and hold hands, I can be cool with that.

[spiculatus]

[ that's sweet! seriously, it is, and vash is absolutely going to take him up on it. ... just, later, when wolfwood isn't being explicit about wanting him and making vash feel like a starving man who's also just burst into flames. (but in a good way. it's weird.) ]

Mm... I kinda wanna see what happens when you get crazy, though.

[ which is the perfect way into stripping off the sweater! boldly! confidently! ... and then getting a little shy once it's done. ] ... this okay?

[anthophilia]

[ Hopefully he's not holding out for a verbal answer, because Wolfwood just smirks at him and then presses right back in, chest-to-chest, and starts kissing against Vash's neck again. Slow, lightly sucking, tracing little loops with the tip of his tongue. One of his hands starts roaming over Vash's skin and yeah, it's more textured than he's used to, the smoothness of it interrupted by the rise of scars, but it's warm and alive under his touch, and it's good.

And the prophecy of the boner starts to fulfill itself sooner than he anticipated, but it's safely caged in his jeans - probably won't be obvious unless Vash goes looking for it. ]

[spiculatus]

[ oh. ohhh.

does this count as crazy? vash is a fan. he sucks in a sharp breath at the feeling of wolfwood's mouth on his throat, already tipping his head back to ask for more. he's sensitive there in a way he never really realized, enough that the tease of wolfwood's tongue is enough to have him squirming underneath him, panting.

and it's... weird, the way he almost doesn't think about the easy way wolfwood is touching him. not avoiding the scars, but not deliberately seeking them out, either. like his skin is normal, like his body is the same as anyone else's, and that's such a nice thought that vash almost wants to cry. (again.) ]

[anthophilia]

[ Sadly, Nick's about to ruin how easy it is with questions. He hooks a hand around to fit in the small of Vash's back, trails those kisses lower to graze teeth over a collarbone - and the lifts his head as the realization hits him that as much as he wants to go lower, Vash might not be about that. Nick's had enough fun with his own nipples to know it's not a lady-exclusive, but it'd fucking suck to kick off a bout of dysphoria. ]

Hey. Is there anywhere you don't want me to touch? [ Another little kiss, pressed against his throat. ] 'cause if you let me have free reign, I'm gonna try and touch everywhere.

[spiculatus]

[ there's a little hitching breath as wolfwood's teeth scrape over his collarbone, and he's distracted enough by the way that feels for it to take a second to process the question. but once he does...

oh! oh, no. that's sweet. ]

Nah, I think it's all fair game? I'll let you know if something feels weird! [ he can't actually feel that much on the bigger scars, and some of the little ones tickle, but that's about as much exploration as he's ever done. or... had anyone else want to do. ] And, ah... you don't have to touch anywhere you don't want to!

[anthophilia]

Noted. Thanks.

[ He says it with a smile, because it is a little funny that Vash thinks there might be somewhere he doesn't want to touch. Then again, if he's gonna be asking for limits and boundaries and checking things are okay, it's only right that Vash gets to do that too. If it was one-sided, it'd seem like he thought Vash was fragile. And fuck, that's the last thing he is; to have been through what was obviously a really bad wreck and come out the other side this sunny and bright? Vash might be the strongest person Nick knows.

Still, he gets back to work. Another lingering kiss on Vash' mouth and then he's trailing it back down again, tongue and teeth moving gentle over Vash's neck and collarbone, and this time he rubs the pad of his thumb over Vash's nipple as he nips softly at the skin. With permission given, he gets to move on to the fun stuff - figuring out what Vash likes and doing it until he's jelly. ]