You wanna kill me? You wanna hurt me?

[vacabdication]

[ It's all terribly fast, really. They're in the library - Pagan's favourite haunt, next to whichever room Ajay is in, and all the better when Ajay is is it too - just chatting and spending some quiet time together. There's some festival or other coming up, and Ajay will be heading out soon to help the villagers hunt for food and offerings, and while Pagan is finally convinced that the danger to Ajay is minimal he can never help but fret when he's away. It's a kindness he probably doesn't deserve that Ajay knows this and makes sure to spend time with him before and after, letting Pagan know he's cared for (and occasionally making a show of tending to his weapons while they chat as a little reassurance about how well-defended he is). That's what they're doing now; enjoying a quiet drink before retiring to bed, where Ajay will indulge him by watching an episode of the Great British Bake-off, they'll do a little tender lovemaking, and then spent the night curled close before Ajay leaves.

So it's... irritating, to say the least, when a member of the royal guard appears in the doorway and says sir, a message for you. Pagan can't help snapping at the man - something along the lines of alright, yes, what is it? - and as he comes closer Pagan notices several things. First is that the man is unfamiliar - not a dealbreaker on its own, there has been a recent batch of new promotions. Less comforting is that his uniform is wrong - his beret is tipped to the wrong side and his belt fastened incorrectly, which is not the sort of sloppiness you usually get from the fresh meat. He's also sweating bullets, and the room is not nearly hot enough to warrant that.

Ajay puts it together at the same time, apparently, rising from his overstuffed armchair and biting out Pagan, get down but Pagan is by the liquor cabinet and the stranger - the assassin - is already drawing his gun. Long-dormant instinct kicks in. Pagan grabs the man's gun hand at the wrist, jerks it forward as he turns, wrenching it until he hears the bones breaking. That's enough that the man loses his grip on the weapon, and Pagan seizes it. He levels it at the man's head, notes his eyes, wide with fear - and his gaze slips to Ajay.

He's not sure he has it in him to shoot a man in the face right in front of Ajay. Not when he's trying so hard to be better. So instead he fires the gun over the man's shoulder, so the bullet buries itself safely in the wall, and gives him a smile as cold and sharp as a shard of broken glass. ]

You may leave. You'll want to run. The actual Royal Guard will be here any moment now, and they simply cannot afford to be as merciful as I.

[ The man runs. There is the sound of boots on the floor, shouting, gunfire, and when a member of the guard appears in the doorway Pagan waves him away dismissively and turns to Ajay instead. ]

That was rude. Are you alright, darling?

Comments

[vaaris]

[ after all this time spent in the palace, his edges are definitely dulling.

and yeah, he knows pagan would probably see it as a good thing -- my boy, i'm glad you know you're safe here -- but kyrat has a way of punishing you for slipups. really, he should have known something was off about the guy from the jump; when's the last time a member of the royal army has interrupted them just to deliver a message, instead of having it passed through gary and buzzed to pagan's phone? besides that, the guy is acting just off enough to make ajay's skin prickle, and that's what finally makes him look up --

and then it happens so fucking fast. his mind flicks through his arsenal -- no guns on him, too far away to get at him with his khukri before the guy gets a shot off. throwing knife? reaching for them even as he starts to bark out a warning, knowing it's going to be too late too late too fucking late --

but pagan puts an end to it with a kind of easy, bored efficiency, like rogue assassins are less of a noteworthy event than the palace kitchens burning his toast. the sharp retort of gunfire is enough to make ajay flinch in such close quarters, but it isn't until pagan turns to address him that he manages to shake halfway out of the haze. ]

Uh. [ is he all right? what a good fucking question. he blinks, licks his lips, and then... his knees go out from under him all at once, and he ends up dropping right back down into that overstuffed armchair as suddenly as he'd jumped out of it. and fuck, that's embarrassing. for a second, he thinks he really has been out of the field for too long if something like that was enough to shake him, but.

... then he actually puts the pieces together. the liquid heat sliding down his spine and pooling into the pit of his belly, the way the room around him has gone slightly hazy at the edges, the buzz of every nerve ending starting to light up like a spiderweb of fireworks. and -- fuck, really? he's heard stories about bonded pairs being able to kick their partners into an early heat or rut, but it's supposed to be -- ... well, because of normal shit. fiery displays of passion, maybe, or tender acts of devotion, not... not breaking a guy's wrist and then not killing him just because pagan knows ajay wouldn't want him to.

fuck. fuck. ]

Yeah, I'm -- [ is there a chance he can slide out of here without pagan noticing? find some excuse to go take the coldest shower the pipes can muster, pretend like the heat creeps up on him later and for reasons that are less likely to give pagan more evidence of how absolutely fucked up ajay is. ] I'm cool. All good.

[ fuck, he can already feel it. the throb of need through every inch of him, enough to have him already half-hard in his jeans. ]

[vacabdication]

Ajay?

[ Pagan is already moving toward him when Ajay's knees go, and the walk turns into a near run by the time he hits the chair. Shock, perhaps, though wouldn't it be more usual for him to go pale rather than flushed? Pagan crouches in front of him, one hand resting on Ajay's knee, the other reaching up for the big pulse in his neck, and oh, it's hammering. The poor boy. ]

Ajay, my dear, it's quite alright. We're safe. I'm not so out of practice that someone will get me that easily, my boy.

[vaaris]

[ well, fuck.

before ajay can even figure out how to put more distance between them, pagan goes and closes the distance entirely. and even out of rut, just the smell of him is enough to make ajay ache; he bites down on the inside of his cheek and tries to focus on breathing through his mouth instead, doing everything he can to summon up the world's unsexiest thoughts.

and then pagan leans up and presses his fingers to the line of ajay's throat, and even though he's distantly aware of the fact that pagan only meant to check his pulse? it has the (unfortunate) side effect of pressing his touch right into the mating bite on ajay's neck, and the way he reacts is instinctive. the tension melts out of him all at once as he sags into pagan's touch, a low moan spilling out of him before he can even think to bite it back.

-- but only for a moment.

then he's jolting back from that touch as if it had burned him instead, flushing and jerking his eyes away from pagan, as guilty as a kid caught sneaking sweets before dinner. ] Sorry, I --

[ shaking his head, trying to press himself back into the chair like there's anywhere to go. ] Sorry.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh.

Ohhhhh.

Pagan knows that moan. Pagan loves that moan, and now that he's not quite so concerned for Ajay's wellbeing, is that - why yes, yes it is. A faint trace of heat emanating from his mate, the scent only growing stronger. Curious. Pagan usually knows well in advance due to all the extra snuggling Ajay wants to do instead of running off to be a hero. He's right on the verge of counting on his fingers before realization hits, and then he smiles - sly, wicked, like Ajay has just told him an extremely filthy joke in extremely formal company. ]

Really? That little - [ he gestures expansively with one hand, toward the new bullet hole in his wall ] display did it for you, hmm? Why, perhaps I should go all macho more often!

[vaaris]

[ aaaand there goes any hope of escaping from this situation with his dignity still in one piece.

fuck, he's already so hot that even the long-sleeve t-shirt he has on feels like torture, and his jeans are already tight enough to be edging on painful. it'd be so easy just to give into it, to strip his shirt over his head and drag pagan into him, to kiss him until he forgets how to be a smart ass, but --

... look, it's not like pagan has ever shamed him for anything in bed. the opposite, in fact, where usually anything ajay wants or finds the stumbling words to ask for is met with all the enthusiasm and heat that he could ever want, but. sometimes -- maybe it's when they're cuddled together after, or maybe it's the next morning over eggs and toast -- pagan will get this odd look in his eye and ask him (carefully, like the question is made of glass that might shatter and cut them both) if perhaps ajay might ever like to talk to someone. and it's not... it's not that, exactly. not entirely. because it's one thing for pagan to think something in ajay might be fucked up, and it's another when he says it with guilt coloring all the edges of words, like he's the reason.

but what kind of person complains about the person they love just trying to take care of them, right? so ajay just shrugs and says sure okay i guess like he doesn't know what pagan means, and they shove it under the rest of the stack of shit they just don't talk about. ]

I don't -- It's not --

[ trying and failing to put together some defense that makes this anything but what it is. ]

[vacabdication]

Oh, darling. Oh, my dear boy. My heart.

[ Did he go too far? He went too far. Ajay looks miserable. It's what makes this relationship work, Pagan thinks; he is a callous clod, but Ajay wears his emotions so plainly on his face and in his voice that Pagan always knows when something is wrong. It is now, very clearly. But not just the heat - after all, the very first he had with Pagan came on him rather suddenly, and he didn't seem to be ashamed of it.

Is it... the assassin? Ajay worked with the Golden Path for quite a while, after all. ]

Did you... know him? My love, I couldn't let him go. He'd only have been back. He might have tried to hurt you, next.

[vaaris]

[ at least that's so far beyond the scope of anything ajay was thinking that it just gets a scrunched brow and a slightly bewildered: ] Who --?

Oh. No, fuck no. He tried to hurt you. I would've killed him, you just beat me to the punch. [ and if that's fucked up, at least it's the kind he can live with. ] I just --

[ fuuuuck. this is the worst time to have this conversation; already, the heat is a throb in his veins that wants to push out everything else, and just having pagan this close and not touching him is torture. but he bites down on the inside of his cheek, tries to use the sharp edge of that pain to make himself focus. ] ... I don't want you to think I got off on you hurting him. Hurting anyone. It's not... It's not like that.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, it's terrible. Ajay is clearly wrestling with a moral quandary here, and the scent of him is only getting stronger - Pagan can already feel his attention span narrowing to Ajay and Ajay alone, the way it always does when Ajay's heat is so strong it kicks Pagan over too, as if everything in the room loses focus and leaches colour but Ajay - but Pagan laughs. He tries to stop it, presses his lips together and tamps it down, but the damage is done, he supposes. ]

Ajay, my love, for all that you have surprised me many, many times, for all that I should be on my toes for the unexpected by now, the thought never crossed my mind. Trust me when I say I am not about to start breaking hands all over the shop in an effort to court you. You're the very last person I would expect that from. You made me send Paul home, for god's sake, there could be no surer testament to your tender heart than that.

[ Is it too soon to try and kiss him? Probably. Pagan picks up one of Ajay's hands and kisses that instead, a graze of his lips over the knuckles. ]

Would you like to know what I think?

[vaaris]

[ ... it might be the one and only time in ajay's life where being laughed at counts as a relief. at least it means that the thought was so far from pagan's mind that it counts as ridiculous, and that's... yeah, a relief.

so most of that guilty, embarrassed tension is already easing out of him with his next exhale, the pit in his stomach easing until there's nothing left to focus on but the heat. and maybe that's why just pagan's lips grazing over his knuckles is enough to make ajay's breath hitch, eyes dark where they drop to pagan's mouth. ]

Yeah.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, that's much better. He can feel the tension easing out of Ajay already, and it makes him glad. ]

I think you having a... shall we say, strong reaction to the discovery that you perhaps didn't get lumped with the most useless old Alpha ever to present is possibly the most normal thing about our relationship. And I think that if there's something here we need to discuss, there's certainly a better time to do it than when you need me otherwise occupied, hm?

[ Because the discomfort over what Pagan may have thought of him may well be gone, but Ajay is headed for a world of a very different sort of discomfort if Pagan doesn't look after him as he ought. As he loves. ]

[vaaris]

[ that warrants a snort. ]

I never thought you were useless. [ because if kyrat has done anything, it's knocked plenty of the naivete right out of ajay. enough for him to realize that it took more than money and charm for pagan to get the kind of power he has, even if he's perfectly content to let other people do the dirty work these days. but there's a difference between knowing and seeing, and... that kind of skill? an effortless killing grace? ] It's just -- You --

You protected me. [ which... is maybe not the most accurate take on the situation, given that their would-be-assassin had been most definitely aiming for pagan, but. just the thought of it is enough to send another throb of need through ajay, enough to make his body react on a sort of autopilot. hips grinding down against the plush of the chair with a low whine, fingers squeezing around the hand pagan still has in his. ] And if we... if we had a family, you'd protect them, too.

[ fuck. oh, fuck. he's getting off on outdated gender roles. is that actually worse than getting turned on by pagan breaking someone's hand? ]

[vacabdication]

[ That's... a little close to the bone, considering how spectacularly Pagan has failed to protect previous families, but there's no more than a flicker of darkness behind Pagan's eyes before he focuses back on Ajay. It helps. He is beautiful, and he wants Pagan. He chose Pagan, after all he's been through, and is sill here despite knowing all there is to know about Pagan and his dreadful past. ]

I would. I will always protect you, Ajay. My mate.

[ It's true. He's older now, wiser, would never make the same mistakes. He knows now how close he must guard what's dear to him, and nothing is dearer to him than Ajay. He kisses that hand again, lets the hand on Ajay's knee move up and rub over his thigh. ]

I do, however, require a decision. Would you like to move this to our bedroom, or shall I simply close the door?

[vaaris]

Yours.

[ it spills out as a sigh, legs falling open in response to that hand that pagan slides up his thigh.

and there is -- well, a moment where his eyes flick towards the door, but. he's too far gone for reason to win out now. every inch of him that pagan isn't touching is aching and greedy; that mental image of pagan, elegant and deadly and utterly devoted to him, is burning him up from the inside out. ] Don't fucking care.

[ which is all the eloquence pagan is getting out of him before ajay drags him down into a kiss, hungry and messy and eager. already arching up under him like he's begging to be touched, already fumbling with the buttons of pagan's shirt because it feels like he'll go crazy if he can't have the other man's skin against him now. ]

[vacabdication]

Oho!

[ But that's as close to teasing as he'll get, after the disastrous performance from earlier. If Ajay doesn't care, Pagan doesn't care! Besides which, if Pagan does his job right very shortly the sounds coming from the room alone should deter anyone from taking a peek unless they specifically want to see what they're going to get an eyeful of.

Instead, he devotes himself to that kiss. All of Ajay's kisses are wonderful, of course, but like this? Needy and eager? Oh, it never fails to warm him right through. All the little insecurities he holds about what he is now as compared to what he once was are no match for being desired by someone as singularly attractive as Ajay Ghale. His only regret is that he has to break the kiss to pull that shirt up over Ajay's head and let his hands roam all that gorgeous skin. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's enough of a relief to have the shirt off that ajay is willing to forgive pagan for having to break the kiss to do it. even more so when he tugs enough of the buttons loose to be able to push pagan's shirt down and off his shoulders, then drags him closer until there's the wonderful press of skin against skin.

the heat is on him now in earnest; he's dizzy from the intensity of it, the way every throb of blood in his veins only seems to spike it higher. his hands slide lower until he can get two firm fistfuls of the other man's ass and squeeze, turning his face into the crook of pagan's throat so that he can drag in the smell of him even as he scrapes his teeth over the older man's skin. ]

I need you. So bad. [ like he's never stumbled in the course of asking for what he wants, like he doesn't even know the meaning of the word shy. he grinds his hips up in an effort to rock them against pagan, whining a little frustrated sound when the angle isn't quite there to let him do it. ] Want you in rut for me. So you can't think of anything but getting your knot in me.

Pagan, please.

[vacabdication]

You're doing a fine job of getting me there, my boy. But we know how to expedite the process, don't we?

[ He goes to his knees before Ajay, makes quick work of divesting him of his dreadful sneakers and everything else - socks, jeans, underwear - and pulls him forward until his ass is perched right on the very edge of the chair. And as it happens the remainder of his plan is unnecessary; just like this, he can feel rut taking hold of him, turning all that aching want into burning need.

Not that it's enough to stop him going ahead with his plan anyway. He moans just for the sight of Ajay before burying his face between those gorgeously muscular thighs, drags his tongue over skin and moans again at the taste of Ajay's slick, already gathering and promising heaven. ]

[vaaris]

[ honestly, his fumbling efforts to help kick and wriggle the rest of the way out of his clothes might be just as much of a hindrance as a help, but it's a relief to have them finally peeled away. if he was even halfway in his right mind, there might be considerable protesting about the fact that he's naked in the library with the door still standing open only a few feet away, but --

right now? it's more than evident that the thought isn't even a blip on the radar.

especially not when pagan goes to his knees for him, and the sight alone is hot enough to drag a shuddering sigh out of ajay. maybe it's more of those stupid gender roles, maybe it's just because it's a man as prideful as pagan min -- but seeing him like that? on his knees, willing and eager to serve? it makes him feel like he's burning up from the inside out, and he's already reaching out to tangle a greedy hand in pagan's hair even as pagan moves to bury his face between ajay's thighs.

and already, he's buzzing so much that the first firm swipe of pagan's tongue over his skin is enough to wrench a strangled cry out of him. arching, trying to spread his legs wider in invitation, fingers tightening in pagan's hair. ] Pagan. Please, please, please --

[vacabdication]

[ Yes, my darling, all for you, whatever you need. All of it communicated in a mmm against Ajay's skin, because all it takes it that first taste to bring every Alpha instinct to the fore and Pagan can't bear to move his mouth from Ajay's skin. Greedy now, his tongue circling tight over ridged skin and delving deep, every taste of Ajay's slick stoking the need in him higher.

He should have taken off his pants sooner. He's hard enough now to strain against them, but entirely unwilling to do anything about it if it means diverting his attentions from his mate. He grips at Ajay's ass instead, spreading him as much as he can with Ajay perched in that chair, and eats him out like a starving man. ]

[vaaris]

[ he's rarely greedy outside of a heat. maybe it's even fair to say that he's rarely greedy in one; shy about asking for what he needs, always mindful of asking for too much and tipping the balance of the invisible scale towards selfish. but... well, there are exceptions to every rule, and this is one of them.

he keeps his hand tight in pagan's hair as he grinds his hips against the other man's face, dropping his head back with a breathless moan as pagan eats him out with all the gusto of a starving man presented with a feast. his thighs are trembling with little electric spasms of pleasure, dick leaking where it lays swollen and heavy across his belly, so wet that pagan can scarcely lap it away before he's soaked again. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Perfect, perfect. Ajay tugs at Pagan's hair, grinds against his face, and it's so much that when Ajay moans Pagan meets it with an answering growl. The need in him is fierce, but this? Ajay wanting, wanton, demanding and delicious? Oh, it's the finest pleasure Pagan has ever experienced. Pagan's eyes flick upward, and with Ajay's head leaned back like that Pagan can't see his face, as he was hoping - but he does see that cock, thick and gorgeous and just begging to be touched.

What else is he to do? He reaches up, takes it in hand and gives Ajay a firm stroke as he presses his tongue in as deep as it will go. He loves this game, drawing it out to see whether Ajay will let him make him come like this or demand that Pagan take him, or whether Pagan's own need will crumble his resolve first. Tonight, he thinks, there is a very strong chance of the latter - he can never resist Ajay long when he's like this. ]

[vaaris]

[ he can't help the short, sharp cry when pagan reaches up to wrap a hand around his cock -- immediately, he tries to arch up into that touch even as his body still tries to press down against pagan's face, and not being able to decide between those two competing pleasures is enough to get a frustrated little groan out of him.

pagan's in rut. ajay can smell it, even over his own heat, and every breath just drags it into his lungs. drives him crazier, gets him drunk off this visceral proof of pagan wanting him, and it's so fucking good. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Wonderful. That cry lights up every Alpha instinct in him, pride at giving his mate what he needs pouring through him like a sip of good scotch on a cold day. And Ajay communicates what he needs so wonderfully, too - that frustrated shifting letting Pagan read the signal and start stroking properly so Ajay can have his hand and his mouth both, and all the pleasure that comes with them. And better even than that, the knowledge that Pagan can make Ajay come like this, wring the pleasure out of him, and he'll still be desperate for more until Pagan is locked safe inside him, sated and close.

He loves it. He loves every minute of it. It's almost worth the assassination attempt. ]

[vaaris]

Oh, fuck. Pagan, yeah.

[ it's a senseless moan as pagan starts stroking him properly, the dual pleasure so intense it feels like his skin is buzzing and his brain is melting out of his ears. that coil of heat at the pit of his belly is wound so tightly that it's almost painful, all that pressure building to a point so sharp it's almost dangerous. ]

I'm so close. I'm gonna come, you're gonna make me come, please. [ arching up with a needy little whine, begging for more even though he's already got everything he can take. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Good. The encouragement is like a jolt along Pagan's spine, only stoking his want higher, making him crave Ajay in the way he's never craved anything else. He wants Ajay to come almost as Ajay does by now, and he only speeds the movement of his hand, his tongue moving faster, desperate to give his mate what he needs.

He's impossibly hard now, aching, and just the pressure of his trousers against his cock makes him moan against Ajay's skin. Beautiful, he's beautiful, he deserves everything Pagan can give him and more. ]

[vaaris]

[ there's no hope of holding out against this. pagan speeds the motion of his hand, his tongue, and it's only a few moments more before all of it is enough to push ajay over that sharp, brilliant edge. he cries out in an absolutely senseless, unselfconscious sound -- head thrown back, every muscle of his body straining in that arch, fingers tight enough in pagan's hair to pull. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, but it's wonderful. Pagan fancies he can taste it when Ajay comes, everything that makes him want to bury his face there magnified, but even without that the sound of him and the sharp pull of his fingers in Pagan's hair is bliss. Pagan works him through it until he feels that glorious tension in Ajay's body relax, and only then does he lift his face. ]

Ajay, my boy, you are glorious. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. The way I need you.

[ His hands are already going to his belt, unfastening it. A gentleman would perhaps give Ajay a moment to bask in the afterglow, but Ajay said he wanted him in rut and succeeded masterfully at getting him there. ]

[vaaris]

[ in nearly any other case, it'd be the kind of orgasm that unwinds him enough to have him sleepy, docile, ready to have pagan settle close and press kisses in his hair and tell him how wonderful he is. but in a heat? anything that's not pagan knotting him barely even takes the edge off, sometimes only serves to make him burn that much hotter, and they both know it.

so now the faint but familiar sounds of pagan going to work on his belt and pants are all ajay needs to rouse him from that moment of hazy afterglow. greedily, he's already reaching out -- pagan's close enough for ajay to be able to wrap his legs around him, trying to pull him down and in for a kiss. ]

Good. [ it's heated, raw, the way someone confesses a sin for which they have absolutely no shame. ] I want to make you crazy about me. The way I am about you.

[ teeth and tongue against pagan's mouth -- his alpha knows how best to fuck him from feral wildness into sated submission, but he hasn't done it yet. ]

[vacabdication]

You do. You have.

[ And it's wonderful. Before Ajay had come into his life Pagan had thought he was beyond all this, really. Not quite too old to pull it off (he's not even 50 yet!) but certainly too tired, too wounded to go out and seek someone who could provoke this kind of reaction in him.

And he hadn't had to. Ajay had traisped blindly into his world and turned it upside-down, and when Pagan had thought the interest he'd felt was nothing more than a passing fancy, Ajay had come back. Like a miracle, like a deities world-over who raised people from the dead. It had been... terrifying, frankly, but now it's nothing but a gift. A blessing.

Pagan kisses back, meeting that fierce press of Ajay's mouth. There are all sorts of comfortable, convenient, sensible ways people can fuck in an armchair. Pagan chooses none of them, instead going for the unlikely (and regrettable, if he was in any way fit to be thinking of the state of his knees tomorrow) but immediate option of maintaining a semi-crouched postion and tugging Ajay's hips forward to he can press in without further delay. It's heaven; instant liquid bliss pouring through him as he slides home, the heat and pressure of Ajay around him making him growl low in his throat. ]

[vaaris]

Pagan!

[ like he's forgotten entirely that the fucking door is still open, because he has.

he's still fresh enough off the peak of that orgasm for every sensation to be amplified, and when pagan slides home in one firm thrust, the feeling of it goes through him like lightning. he arches up underneath the older man like an offering, fingers tangled in pagan's shirt and legs locked tightly around the other man's waist. like a promise to never let him go, like a wild demand to keep him.

really, isn't some of this supposed to have worn off by now? they still fuck each other like it's the first time, all the wild abandon of pent up need cut through with that thrill of doing something that skirts the line towards forbidden. ajay's pretty sure relationships are supposed to settle down into something more domestic and routine, but here they are, so eager to have each other that they haven't even bothered closing the door.

... well. nothing about this is exactly typical. maybe it makes more sense this way, after all. ]