fourstrings | never been a better time than this

never been a better time than this

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

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[ it's his own thoughts, echoed back to him so perfectly that his stomach does a little startled twist -- but no, there's no fucking way pagan min can read minds. (if he could, he'd spend so much time sulking about all the ancient and decrepit jokes ajay makes in his head that they'd probably never have sex again.) ]

Yeah, I -- [ a little breathless, just as much from the intoxicating quality of those words as he is from pagan inside him. ] It's never been this way before. For me. With anyone else.

[ the admission makes his stomach twist with that familiar shyness, but he presses it just a little further. ] I crave you.

Ajay. You're my perfect fit. I've never known anyone like you.

[ It just hearkens back to what he said earlier, really, when they were in the meeting room; when he's with Ajay, he feels whole. He is a man made up of jagged edges, and Ajay has a fair few of his own, but somehow they line up to make a smooth join rather than tearing each other apart. It's a blessing, and he's so grateful for it. ]

I ache for you when we're apart, but the feeling when you come back is worth it.

[ god, he can't stand it.

it's too much to just be pinned in place and have to listen to pagan say all these (sweet, wonderful) things to him; there's a part of him that shies away from it just as much as he longs for it, and he's always managed to distract it with the physicality of what they're doing. ]

So show me. [ rocking his hips with a little whine, turning to press a kiss up against pagan's jaw. and then, because he thinks he knows how to manipulate the situation? he drops his voice lower, lets that raw want creep around the edges. ] Pagan, please

[ Ajay rolls his hips and the sweet slide of him makes Pagan groan, the low, wanting huskiness of his voice curling into Pagan's ear like a swipe of his tongue. Pagan shifts just enough to put the hand that's been moving over Ajay's hip against the wall of the shower, bracing himself there and caging Ajay in, his other hand moving, stroking all the while. ]

You're trying to distract me. Trying to make me give in. And it's going to work, too, but first, know this: it's only working because you are everything to me. Because I love you so completely that it feels easier to cut my own heart out than deny you. Remember.

[ pagan shifts, bracing one hand on the wall, and brackets ajay in too effectively for him to repeat that motion of his hips. it means that there's nothing for him to do but absorb those words, let them wriggle into every chink in his armor and find all the raw places underneath. it's too much; too much to be loved so ravenously, so completely, especially when ajay knows there's nothing he could have possibly done to deserve it.

and still, the feeling of pagan in him, reminding ajay just how vulnerable and stripped open he is. it's wonderful and overwhelming all at once, the feeling so much that he can hardly bear it. ] P-Pagan, fuck, I can't --

[ his voice sounds wrecked, and they haven't even done anything. ] Please --

[ This could be addictive. Ajay sounds ruined already, like he's begging, and for all that every word Pagan said about being unable to deny him is true, it's wonderful to hear him ask for it, to know Ajay wants him just as much as he wants Ajay in return. ]

You can. You may well be the strongest person I know.

But I'm not going to make you. How could I ever resist?

[ And finally, finally, he draws back, missing being buried in Ajay before he's even out, and presses in again just as soon, falling into a rhythm instantly. He's made his point; he's made Ajay wait too long for what he wants, and now that he feels the delicious slide of Ajay's body taking him in and the fire of pleasure it lights in him any desire to stop is long departed. ]

Fuck!

[ he's so wound up from waiting that it sets everything in him alight when pagan finally moves to answer him. his head snaps back with a sharp, startled cry, but it melts into a lower moan as that thrust slides up against all those places in him that need attention so, so badly. it's almost dizzying how good it is; all that anticipation means that everything is sharper, makes all this sudden gratification almost overwhelming.

even if he wanted to, ajay couldn't stop himself from responding -- rocking his hips back greedily into pagan's rhythm and groaning when that makes the angle even sweeter. almost thoughtlessly, he reaches up to where pagan still has a hand braced on the wall, fumbling until he's able to clutch it in his own grip instead. he needs that connection almost desperately after all that raw intimacy, needs to be steadied. ] Pagan, yeah, that's so good, don't stop, give me more --

[ Don't stop, he says, and more, and so Pagan gives it to him, making sure each inward stroke is fast and deep enough that the sound of their skin slapping together is loud even over the sound of the shower. And he's happy to do it, not just because every movement into Ajay's body feels like heaven, not just because bringing Ajay pleasure makes Pagan feel powerful in a way that doesn't seem trivial or hollow, but because Ajay has sought out the touch of his hand and is clinging to it, so he knows that Ajay hasn't simply swept aside any of what he's said because it's too much. Pagan loves him, would raze the country to ash and bone to defend him, and now he knows. ]

Ajay. You always feel so goddamn good.

[ He drops his head to Ajay's shoulder, leaning it there, pressing little kisses into his skin, soft and tender and seemingly at odds with the deep snap of his hips. Not to Pagan. There's love, love in all of it. ]

[ god, yeah, it's good. and whether or not ajay can actually take the credit for that, he isn't sure -- the only thing that really matters is that pagan never ever stops. every thrust feels like it goes right to all the spots that need it most; he's a mess of ragged panting and husky little moans, still working his hips back into pagan's rhythm in a definite sort of encouragement. ]

So good. No one else -- hah, fuck -- n-no one else has ever made me feel like this, so fucking good.

[ he turns his head in the hopes of encouraging a kiss, making a gratified little noise when pagan dips in to oblige him. that's good, too. the fact that he doesn't even need to ask before pagan gives him what he wants; the fact that they're so in tune that this sort of thing is as easy and natural as breathing. ]

[ The last thing the fire of Pagan Min's ego needs is Ajay throwing fuel on it like that, but he does, and Pagan moans into that kiss, brings the hand that isn't interlocked with Ajay's around to wrap around and stroke his cock again. It's a lot, all at once - craning up to kiss Ajay, keeping the thump of his hips steady, pumping his fist over Ajay's dick - but it's good, so good to be lost in the feel of it and hear Ajay's voice like that, thick with pleasure, that he couldn't dream of stopping. ]

I want to make you feel this way forever.

[ ajay has heard people talk about being drunk off of pleasure, it's just that it's never happened to him personally until now. and god, it's good -- being pushed wonderfully past the point of being overwhelmed, having no choice but to surrender himself over and trust that pagan will carry him through. it's an entirely different sort of submission, and maybe it should be frightening? but he likes it, likes that pagan knows him well enough to bring him here, likes the absolute trust in knowing that pagan will put him tenderly back together again once all is said and done.

forever makes him shudder, moaning a raw sound into pagan's mouth as the next thrust hits a particularly good place. forever sounds great, forever sounds fucking perfect, but there's no way he's going to last like this --

and he breaks from the kiss in a flash of terrible inspiration, nipping at pagan's lower lip to make sure he has the other man's full attention before: ] I liked it.

I don't even know why, I should be -- ah -- pissed, but I -- [ he licks his own lips, forces himself to focus through the shattering glass of his own thoughts. ] I keep thinking about it, keep thinking about you showing him who I belong to, and -- fuck, I can't help it.

[ Oh. Oh. Well, that's certainly something - Ajay spills that out like secret he knows is going to set Pagan aflame and god, but it does. He bites back a sound that's half moan, half growl, and pushes into Ajay with renewed determination. Fuck, just the thought of it - that Ajay wants to be his, wants others to know it, that out of that whole mess there's pleasure for him at the end and the power of knowing that he alone chooses who he'll belong to - ]

You chose me. And he can choke on it.

[ It's tricky, like this, but he has just enough room to latch his mouth to the side of Ajay's neck to bite and suck a little bruise to the surface, where it will sit above the fashionably-upturned collar of Ajay's jacket. There. A reminder, a little mark to remind him whenever he looks in the mirror. ]

[ oh fuck. the little noise pagan makes -- caught between a moan and a growl -- is enough to set ajay on fire all over again, and the way he picks up the pace in response? it only shoves ajay closer to that peak he can feel building at the pit of his stomach, until there's nothing left in him but pagan and how good this makes him feel. ]

I chose you. [ parroting him breathlessly, shivering at the sound of it. ] Just you. Only you. Forev --

[ but he's cut off when pagan's mouth finds his throat again, and fuck. ajay can feel the bruise he draws to the surface there, knows that it's high enough to show above his collar, knows that pagan means it as a way of displaying who he belongs to, and fuck. it does him in, right there, ajay hitting his climax with a sharp cry of pagan's name and his head thrown back. ]

[ Yes. That's it, that's what he wants, Ajay coming apart for him just like that. And the feel of Ajay hitting his climax is normally enough to drag Pagan over the edge right along with him - the sounds he makes, the way he clenches, the pride in a job well done - but today, Pagan fights it. Just a little longer, just a little more, letting go of Ajay's dick so he can grip him by the hip and fuck into him like the world is ending. He wants Ajay in pieces, wrung out and shaking, because now he knows that Pagan will always, always be there to gather him up again.

It's a nice goal. It doesn't last long; less than a minute until he feels Ajay's muscles start to tremble and the sweet, hot clench of him it too much to resist. He drives in one last time, buries himself in Ajay to the hilt, and when he comes hard enough to set sparks floating in his vision he says Ajay's name - not a cry, not a shout, but soft and desperate as a dying breath. ]

[ pagan doesn't stop, and everything about it hangs suspended on that knife's edge of so damn good and too fucking much. still, ajay arches his spine and cants his hips back, and absolutely nothing about that says stop. he's willing to let pagan take him apart, break him into pieces, drag him past the limits of what it feels like he can take -- because after it's all done, pagan will gather him back together and knit him tenderly into someone whole.

the noises that get wrung out of him are desperate little keening sounds -- he'd be embarrassed to let anyone else hear them, but trying to hide any part of himself from pagan seems pointless. the way pagan moves in him drags ajay's orgasm out until it seems like it lasts a lifetime; wrings him out all the way down to his core, until his vision is nothing but glittering bursts of starlight and every muscle in his body is trembling.

and when it's finally, finally over, all ajay can do is slump against the side of the shower wall and breathe. he feels good; stripped bare and oddly purified in a way that none of his frantic scrubbing showers of the past few days have managed. the lingering ghost of sabal's touch has been blazed off the surface of his skin, a baptism of heat and flesh, and it's... good. he needed it. and pagan knew, the way he always seems to. ]

I think I need to sit. [ accompanied by a breathless little laugh. his knees are jelly and his legs can't be trusted to support him -- if it wasn't for the grip pagan has on him and the way he's able to steady himself against the wall, ajay's pretty sure he'd already be a heap on the floor. ] Take that as a compliment.

Hm.

[ It's the most he can manage for a moment, as he squeezes Ajay's hand and drags a breath into his lungs. Then he laughs, a low, shaky chuckle. He will take it as a compliment, but he understands. Ajay may have been joking about Pagan breaking his hip but he suddenly feels in great danger of taking an embarrassing fall. So: he pulls out, making a small pained sound st the loss of that connection, and shakily guides them both down to the floor of the shower and pulls Ajay's head against his shoulder, burying a kiss in his hair. It might not be scooping Ajay up and carrying him safely to bed the way Pagan would do if he were a romantic lead, but it's the most he can manage without imperiling them both. And finally, when he's managed to tuck Ajay up just as close and safe as he wants him: ]

Same.

[ he normally prefers that pagan stay in him as long as possible after sex, hoping to stretch that closeness out as long as he can, but. he soaks up this kind of physical contact instead, tucking himself up against pagan until he's halfway in the older man's lap -- letting his head find pagan's shoulder, and reaching for his hand again to hold. not quite as perfect as being able to tangle up with him in the sheets, but good. ]

Is it weird if I say thanks?

Maybe. But I'm glad you want to say it. Thank you.

[ For trusting him. For coming back to him. For being just freaky enough not to have left the instant he heard Sabal was in the next room, especially. ]

It means more to me than I can say that you feel safe here. And of course -

[ and he can't help it. It feels like a serious moment, both of them so wrung-out with pleasure and raw, but his mouth twitches up into a smile that quickly turns into a grin ]

I love you.

I do. Feel safe here. [ he squeezes gently around pagan's hand as if pressing the point home. ] Safer than I've felt in a long time.

[ they're so close that he can feel pagan's smile against his skin, and it prompts one of his own. ]

I love you, too. [ and then he tips up just enough to kiss him, not even pulling away before he adds: ] But if you kidnap anyone else without talking to me first, I'll --

[ a pause. it's hard to summon up a good threat when he's so pleasantly fogged by afterglow. ] ... it'll be terrible and you won't enjoy it.

Oh, I believe you.

[ Ajay might be disappointed in him. And that would be terrible; that plush mouth screwed into a frown, disapproval in those beautiful eyes. Though for all the jokes he makes to himself he knows it would be terrible. He rather prides himself on consistently being better than Ajay has expected him to be. The idea of being worse is genuinely awful. But his face is still so close, so Pagan ducks in for another kiss, slow and soft and lingering. ]

I solemnly swear not to kidnap anyone else without speaking to you first.

[ There. A promise he can keep, plus enough wiggle room to throw Sabal to the demonfish if he puts his filthy hands on Ajay again. Everybody wins! ]

[ and the thing is? ajay believes him.

enough so that he doesn't even need to study pagan's face to see if there's honesty written there -- ajay trusts him. so he simply bumps their heads gently together after that kiss, nuzzling in affectionately and giving the other man's hand a little squeeze. ]

Officially the weirdest relationship boundary I've ever set, by the way.

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never been a better time than this

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