fourstrings | never been a better time than this

never been a better time than this

[ Pagan Min has mellowed considerably since Ajay has become a more solid fixture in his life. There was a time when he thought the damage done by his past was irreparable, and perhaps that’s still true, but it’s far easier now to remind himself of the good things he has and focus on that. He doesn’t go off the deep end without good reason.

This, he thinks, is a very good reason.

Ajay still spends a lot of time out and about with the villagers, and to a lesser degree the Golden Path. Their relationship isn’t a secret from anyone in the palace, but it seemed... prudent, not to make it public knowledge, and Ajay can’t be disabused of the notion that literally everyone in Kyrat needs his help. So he’ll spend evenings in the palace – sometimes days at a stretch, when Pagan is very lucky – and then head back out to cookfires and safehouses and people who are apparently too worn-down by the Golden Path’s stories of how terrible everything is to hunt their own food. So it’s something of a surprise when Ajay shows up very early one morning looking... tired, more than anything else, tells Pagan I’m gonna stay here for while, if that’s okay and heads off to take such a long shower Pagan feels the need to call out to him and check he hasn’t passed out in there. But it’s a pleasant surprise, to have Ajay close for more than a couple of days, so he doesn’t overthink it.

He does start thinking when he wakes in the middle of the night and slides a hand down the taut plane of Ajay’s stomach only to have the boy jolt awake, giving a half-shouted stop!. He draws his hand back immediately, of course, and blinks as Ajay’s eyes focus on him and he lowers a fist it seems he didn’t even think he was making, mumbles shit, sorry and wraps his arms around Pagan, lowering them back to the mattress in a sleepy tangle of limbs. In the morning Ajay kisses him awake and curls into him like nothing ever happened, but the memory of it sticks. And then by afternoon word gets back to him from one of the people he’s placed in the Golden Path – not spies, heavens no, just helpful eyes and ears – that someone had seen Ajay leaving one of the safehouses in the middle of the night in the kind of hurry that usually means the outpost is being retaken, not a soldier to be seen, but with Sabal shouting at him out of the doorway.

What was he saying, Pagan asks, already forming an idea, and when the answer comes - whoring only for the king doesn’t make you any less of a whore - well, something has to be done, obviously. Which is why dear Sabal now finds himself bound and gagged in one of the lower rooms of the palace, where Paul used to the occasional spot of dirty work when called for, while Pagan decide what to do with him. In hindsight, that’s a mistake, because Pagan catches Ajay in the room right next door looking through a box of documents for god-knows-what, and now it’s up to Pagan to distract him.

Which... oh. Now that he thinks about it, could be a very fitting punishment all of its own. ]

Look at you, [ he says, his voice giving ample warning before he moves up behind Ajay to curl arms about his waist and bury a kiss behind his ear. ] You’re very attractive when you’re doing all your intelligence gathering. Like a sexy spy.

[ The fact that he may have a devious little plot in mind makes it no less true. ]

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[ He can't answer, of course. If he could, he'd tell Ajay that he deserves it. That Pagan would have done it much sooner if he'd known Ajay would sound like this, if he's offer himself up so sweetly, if knowing it was all for him would feel so good -

but he can't, so he just keeps it up. Presses with the tip of his tongue until he feels that little knot of resistance give, until Ajay lets him in, and wonders if he'll have to work harder for it next time when he hasn't fucked Ajay open first. ]

[ pagan presses his tongue in, and ajay doesn't react fast enough to stifle the little cry that gets torn out of him. it's good, a brilliant spark of pleasure made even brighter by the knowledge of what pagan is doing to him, and fuck. ]

Yes -- please, please, Pagan, fuck --

[ trying to rock back against him, greedy for more when it feels this good. ]

[ It's clear Ajay wants more from the way he presses back, from the sound he makes, so more he gets! It's... intoxicating, almost, to have Ajay react like this because of what he's doing. You might think he'd have known from how good it feels when Ajay does it for him, but this? It's dazzling, and he whines out a moan against Ajay's skin before he realizes what he's doing. For all Ajay's teasing about old men and recovery times Pagan is hard again, and he drops one of his hands to wrap it around Ajay's thigh, clinging to him like he's worried he'll fall if he doesn't. ]

[ more gets another one of those husky moans, ajay's head dropping forward as the fresh wave of sensation goes sizzling up his spine. it's good -- he's never had anyone else do this for him, and even if he had? it's hard to imagine that he'd like it half this much. it's something about the fact that it's pagan that does it for him; takes all those good feelings and sets them on fire, until it feels like he's going to go up in the resulting blaze. ]

Fuck, I want -- I need --

[ a little whine when he stumbles over the words, as frustrated as ever at his inability to just spit it out. ] You. Inside me. It f-feels -- haah -- so empty when you're not --

[ Oh, fuck. It always sets Pagan alight when Ajay just says it like that, telling Pagan outright what he wants, and this is no different. One more press of his tongue, then, as he groans out his need against Ajay's skin.

When he rises, it's slow. He can't resist the urge to kiss a path up over Ajay's back, finally coming to rest pressing something slow and tender against his shoulder as one searching finger slips inside him, and - oh. Oh. ]

You're still ready. Looks like I didn't do as good a job of cleaning you up as I planned.

[ he groans when pagan presses that finger into him, rolling his hips back greedily in the hope of getting more. everything in him feels over-primed and sensitive after that treatment; the need in him is an ache at the pit of his belly, like he's been days without a proper meal. ]

Doesn't matter. [ twisting a little, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against pagan's cheek in the hopes of getting him to tip his chin up for a proper one. ] You're just gonna come inside me again. That's what I want.

That I am. I suppose you have a point.

[ And he tips his face up for that kiss, opening greedily for Ajay's mouth as he twists that finger -

but that's not what Ajay wants, is it? And not what Pagan wants either, not now, not with the knowledge of how much Ajay wants him fizzing through his veins, making him feel alive. So he shifts close, guides his dick to the cleft of Ajay's ass where his mouth had been and presses, the pleasure of it escaping him in a low rumble. ]

[ ajay whines a needy little noise when pagan pulls his finger free, but before he can protest properly? the other man replaces it with the head of his cock, presses in, and oh. ]

Pagan, fuck --

[ it's the sort of long, slow slide that makes ajay feel like he's drowning in sensation; he tips his head back and moans with it, rolling his hips back greedily just to encourage more. it's good -- made even better by the way pagan fucked him earlier, because everything is just that much more sensitive. ]

[ God, it's good, but once he's in? Pagan doesn't move. Maybe it's that he wants this just to be about Ajay, maybe he only wants to take his time, maybe it's that crack about breaking his hip (it's 20% the crack about his hip) but he just nestles in as close as he can like this, when they're both standing, tips his head to he can bury a kiss against the side of Ajay's neck, and slips his hands down Ajay's body. Slow, slow - one tracing out the swell and dip of the muscles on his abdomen and the rise of his hip, the other curling almost gently around his cock to stroke him slow. ]

You're beautiful.

[ fuck. it's so good to have pagan buried to the hilt inside him that for a few moments, that's more than enough. he lets his head drop forward, unable to focus on anything but the uneven rhythm of his own breathing and of pagan behind him -- the heat of his body, that warm kiss, the throb where he's pressed deep inside. they're connected, wonderfully so, and it's impossible not to be overwhelmed by that all-encompassing sense of right. as if this were the way the universe configured them to be, as if being apart is unnatural and being together is how they were intended.

but.

it's around then that ajay realizes that pagan is just standing still, and the hand that wraps itself around his cock isn't proper compensation for what he's aching for. he makes an impatient sound, trying to rock his hips back and puffing out a frustrated breath when he doesn't have the right leverage for it. ] Pagan --

C'mon, you know what I want.

[ Pagan laughs at that, low and warm, keeps his hand stroking over Ajay's dick and presses tight under the head. ]

I do. I'm being selfish. I just love being right here. Inside you. Sometimes I think it's a shame we can't always be like this. Me inside you, or you inside me. Safe and close. One.

[ Which is true, all true - but he's also teasing Ajay, and the notes of that weave into his voice as he keeps that hand moving over Ajay's cock. ]

[ it's his own thoughts, echoed back to him so perfectly that his stomach does a little startled twist -- but no, there's no fucking way pagan min can read minds. (if he could, he'd spend so much time sulking about all the ancient and decrepit jokes ajay makes in his head that they'd probably never have sex again.) ]

Yeah, I -- [ a little breathless, just as much from the intoxicating quality of those words as he is from pagan inside him. ] It's never been this way before. For me. With anyone else.

[ the admission makes his stomach twist with that familiar shyness, but he presses it just a little further. ] I crave you.

Ajay. You're my perfect fit. I've never known anyone like you.

[ It just hearkens back to what he said earlier, really, when they were in the meeting room; when he's with Ajay, he feels whole. He is a man made up of jagged edges, and Ajay has a fair few of his own, but somehow they line up to make a smooth join rather than tearing each other apart. It's a blessing, and he's so grateful for it. ]

I ache for you when we're apart, but the feeling when you come back is worth it.

[ god, he can't stand it.

it's too much to just be pinned in place and have to listen to pagan say all these (sweet, wonderful) things to him; there's a part of him that shies away from it just as much as he longs for it, and he's always managed to distract it with the physicality of what they're doing. ]

So show me. [ rocking his hips with a little whine, turning to press a kiss up against pagan's jaw. and then, because he thinks he knows how to manipulate the situation? he drops his voice lower, lets that raw want creep around the edges. ] Pagan, please

[ Ajay rolls his hips and the sweet slide of him makes Pagan groan, the low, wanting huskiness of his voice curling into Pagan's ear like a swipe of his tongue. Pagan shifts just enough to put the hand that's been moving over Ajay's hip against the wall of the shower, bracing himself there and caging Ajay in, his other hand moving, stroking all the while. ]

You're trying to distract me. Trying to make me give in. And it's going to work, too, but first, know this: it's only working because you are everything to me. Because I love you so completely that it feels easier to cut my own heart out than deny you. Remember.

[ pagan shifts, bracing one hand on the wall, and brackets ajay in too effectively for him to repeat that motion of his hips. it means that there's nothing for him to do but absorb those words, let them wriggle into every chink in his armor and find all the raw places underneath. it's too much; too much to be loved so ravenously, so completely, especially when ajay knows there's nothing he could have possibly done to deserve it.

and still, the feeling of pagan in him, reminding ajay just how vulnerable and stripped open he is. it's wonderful and overwhelming all at once, the feeling so much that he can hardly bear it. ] P-Pagan, fuck, I can't --

[ his voice sounds wrecked, and they haven't even done anything. ] Please --

[ This could be addictive. Ajay sounds ruined already, like he's begging, and for all that every word Pagan said about being unable to deny him is true, it's wonderful to hear him ask for it, to know Ajay wants him just as much as he wants Ajay in return. ]

You can. You may well be the strongest person I know.

But I'm not going to make you. How could I ever resist?

[ And finally, finally, he draws back, missing being buried in Ajay before he's even out, and presses in again just as soon, falling into a rhythm instantly. He's made his point; he's made Ajay wait too long for what he wants, and now that he feels the delicious slide of Ajay's body taking him in and the fire of pleasure it lights in him any desire to stop is long departed. ]

Fuck!

[ he's so wound up from waiting that it sets everything in him alight when pagan finally moves to answer him. his head snaps back with a sharp, startled cry, but it melts into a lower moan as that thrust slides up against all those places in him that need attention so, so badly. it's almost dizzying how good it is; all that anticipation means that everything is sharper, makes all this sudden gratification almost overwhelming.

even if he wanted to, ajay couldn't stop himself from responding -- rocking his hips back greedily into pagan's rhythm and groaning when that makes the angle even sweeter. almost thoughtlessly, he reaches up to where pagan still has a hand braced on the wall, fumbling until he's able to clutch it in his own grip instead. he needs that connection almost desperately after all that raw intimacy, needs to be steadied. ] Pagan, yeah, that's so good, don't stop, give me more --

[ Don't stop, he says, and more, and so Pagan gives it to him, making sure each inward stroke is fast and deep enough that the sound of their skin slapping together is loud even over the sound of the shower. And he's happy to do it, not just because every movement into Ajay's body feels like heaven, not just because bringing Ajay pleasure makes Pagan feel powerful in a way that doesn't seem trivial or hollow, but because Ajay has sought out the touch of his hand and is clinging to it, so he knows that Ajay hasn't simply swept aside any of what he's said because it's too much. Pagan loves him, would raze the country to ash and bone to defend him, and now he knows. ]

Ajay. You always feel so goddamn good.

[ He drops his head to Ajay's shoulder, leaning it there, pressing little kisses into his skin, soft and tender and seemingly at odds with the deep snap of his hips. Not to Pagan. There's love, love in all of it. ]

[ god, yeah, it's good. and whether or not ajay can actually take the credit for that, he isn't sure -- the only thing that really matters is that pagan never ever stops. every thrust feels like it goes right to all the spots that need it most; he's a mess of ragged panting and husky little moans, still working his hips back into pagan's rhythm in a definite sort of encouragement. ]

So good. No one else -- hah, fuck -- n-no one else has ever made me feel like this, so fucking good.

[ he turns his head in the hopes of encouraging a kiss, making a gratified little noise when pagan dips in to oblige him. that's good, too. the fact that he doesn't even need to ask before pagan gives him what he wants; the fact that they're so in tune that this sort of thing is as easy and natural as breathing. ]

[ The last thing the fire of Pagan Min's ego needs is Ajay throwing fuel on it like that, but he does, and Pagan moans into that kiss, brings the hand that isn't interlocked with Ajay's around to wrap around and stroke his cock again. It's a lot, all at once - craning up to kiss Ajay, keeping the thump of his hips steady, pumping his fist over Ajay's dick - but it's good, so good to be lost in the feel of it and hear Ajay's voice like that, thick with pleasure, that he couldn't dream of stopping. ]

I want to make you feel this way forever.

[ ajay has heard people talk about being drunk off of pleasure, it's just that it's never happened to him personally until now. and god, it's good -- being pushed wonderfully past the point of being overwhelmed, having no choice but to surrender himself over and trust that pagan will carry him through. it's an entirely different sort of submission, and maybe it should be frightening? but he likes it, likes that pagan knows him well enough to bring him here, likes the absolute trust in knowing that pagan will put him tenderly back together again once all is said and done.

forever makes him shudder, moaning a raw sound into pagan's mouth as the next thrust hits a particularly good place. forever sounds great, forever sounds fucking perfect, but there's no way he's going to last like this --

and he breaks from the kiss in a flash of terrible inspiration, nipping at pagan's lower lip to make sure he has the other man's full attention before: ] I liked it.

I don't even know why, I should be -- ah -- pissed, but I -- [ he licks his own lips, forces himself to focus through the shattering glass of his own thoughts. ] I keep thinking about it, keep thinking about you showing him who I belong to, and -- fuck, I can't help it.

[ Oh. Oh. Well, that's certainly something - Ajay spills that out like secret he knows is going to set Pagan aflame and god, but it does. He bites back a sound that's half moan, half growl, and pushes into Ajay with renewed determination. Fuck, just the thought of it - that Ajay wants to be his, wants others to know it, that out of that whole mess there's pleasure for him at the end and the power of knowing that he alone chooses who he'll belong to - ]

You chose me. And he can choke on it.

[ It's tricky, like this, but he has just enough room to latch his mouth to the side of Ajay's neck to bite and suck a little bruise to the surface, where it will sit above the fashionably-upturned collar of Ajay's jacket. There. A reminder, a little mark to remind him whenever he looks in the mirror. ]

[ oh fuck. the little noise pagan makes -- caught between a moan and a growl -- is enough to set ajay on fire all over again, and the way he picks up the pace in response? it only shoves ajay closer to that peak he can feel building at the pit of his stomach, until there's nothing left in him but pagan and how good this makes him feel. ]

I chose you. [ parroting him breathlessly, shivering at the sound of it. ] Just you. Only you. Forev --

[ but he's cut off when pagan's mouth finds his throat again, and fuck. ajay can feel the bruise he draws to the surface there, knows that it's high enough to show above his collar, knows that pagan means it as a way of displaying who he belongs to, and fuck. it does him in, right there, ajay hitting his climax with a sharp cry of pagan's name and his head thrown back. ]

[ Yes. That's it, that's what he wants, Ajay coming apart for him just like that. And the feel of Ajay hitting his climax is normally enough to drag Pagan over the edge right along with him - the sounds he makes, the way he clenches, the pride in a job well done - but today, Pagan fights it. Just a little longer, just a little more, letting go of Ajay's dick so he can grip him by the hip and fuck into him like the world is ending. He wants Ajay in pieces, wrung out and shaking, because now he knows that Pagan will always, always be there to gather him up again.

It's a nice goal. It doesn't last long; less than a minute until he feels Ajay's muscles start to tremble and the sweet, hot clench of him it too much to resist. He drives in one last time, buries himself in Ajay to the hilt, and when he comes hard enough to set sparks floating in his vision he says Ajay's name - not a cry, not a shout, but soft and desperate as a dying breath. ]

never been a better time than this

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