fourstrings | I am a crooked man

I am a crooked man

[ Yuma sends a message that she's left him a gift, and the first thing he checks is whether Ajay answers his phone.

There isn't a second thing. It's not as if they've never been out of contact, or as if Ajay's never failed to respond to his calls – he's a busy boy, after all – but it's enough to make Pagan feel as if his veins are filled with ice. The search is frantic and conclusive. When Pagan finds Ajay he's still breathing, though he won't be for long.

Pagan knows this because he can see Ajay's lungs, straining and exposed after what Yuma has done to him.

There isn't time to have a moral dilemma about it. Pagan uses his own fangs to open a vein in his wrist – one of the few ways to open him up that won't heal in mere moments – and presses it to Ajay's mouth. It makes a messy, desperate circuit when he bites deep into Ajay's throat, letting the rich taste of his lover flow over his tongue and drinking him down, and it's – it's terrible. There's no pleasure in the act when it's like this, no intimacy, no joy. He drinks and he drinks, and the little spark in living creatures that whispers survive when everything else in them says to give up kicks in, and Ajay drinks from him, too.

He feels the moment when Ajay dies. Feels the flutter of life leave him, tastes the blood in his mouth turn empty and dull. His scream is a howl, animal and raw, but it's brief. He closes the shutter Yuma has made of Ajay's ribs, folds flayed skin back into place, wipes the blood from Ajay's mouth as best he can and takes him home to the palace, to wait and see if a corpse will become the man he loves again.

~

He's there, of course, when Ajay first stirs. It takes days, but they're not quite as tense as that might imply – it's clear that it's worked in at least some capacity when Ajay doesn't begin to rot into the sheets of Pagan's bed. Gary had fussed at him while blacking over the windows, saying a room full of fine furnishings is no place for either a brand new vampire or a decomposing corpse, and it's the closest Pagan has ever come to firing the man. Ajay can wake and destroy the whole room and Pagan will count every ruin a blessing. And if he dies -

he doesn't, though, and robs Pagan of the poignant drama of wasting away alongside his cadaver. It's folly to think he'll understand any of what's said to him before he wakes fully, and so it's the only time Pagan will allow himself the futile gesture of asking Ajay to forgive him. He is a selfish old creature, but even he can see that forgiveness is something he doesn't deserve.

I couldn't bear it, he whispers. I couldn't lose you.

He cries, but without blood in his system there's no reddening of his skin, no tears to fall. He hasn't taken a drop since Ajay's, and has made up his mind that if Ajay doesn't wake he never will again.

~

He sleeps, eventually. It's been a long time since he's had to, though it's still nice to do. This isn't that lazy pleasure – it's exhaustion, pure and simple. He sleeps, and he dreams of Ajay in a frozen lake, pounding at the ice from below as Pagan scrabbles to get to him. He dreams of Ishwari on wings of fire, coming to cut his head off with a blazing sword for what he's done. Less dramatically but more terrifyingly, he dreams of Ajay getting on a plane and leaving, never to return.

He thinks it's that which wakes him, the pain of it, until he lifts his head and hears it. A groan, faint and disgruntled, in a sweetly familiar voice. His hands are on Ajay's face before he can think. ]

My boy. My beautiful boy.

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[ There it is. The flash of recognition, of hunger. Pagan chuckles, lifts a hand so he can thread his fingers into Ajay's dark hair, and uses the other to sweep along his thigh. ]

I'm all yours. Drink your fill.

[ it's strange. it should disgust him, shouldn't it? the idea of drinking blood. but there's no room in him to scrutinize the thought -- pagan makes that lazy gesture along his inner thigh, and ajay is hypnotized by the call of the blood underneath his skin.

but with the worst edges of the hunger taken off, he's able to go slow. perhaps some seed of instinct stirs awake in him, or perhaps it's easier to fall into the rhythm they had as human lovers. his first touch along pagan's skin is a tender nuzzle, breathing in and letting the next breath spill out of him as a low moan. he lets his open mouth drag up along the skin of pagan's thigh, tasting him like that, nearly shivering with anticipation at the thought of the blood underneath. and when he finally lets his fangs sink in, it's with the same slow deliberation.

the blood spills into his mouth, flows into him, and it's everything. almost instantly, he's overwhelmed by it -- it's more than the taste, more than the way it spills life back into his veins. it's like he's taking pagan into himself, in a way that's more complete and total than even sex. he can feel pagan spilling over into him; with it, like images glimpsed through foggy shards of glass, his lust, his guilt, his adoration, his love. it's intoxicating, and falling into it is like losing himself to a siren song. ]

[ Pagan sighs at the sink of Ajay's fangs, the same low sound of pleasure one makes at the first slow slide into a lover. This is more like it; whether it's intentional on Ajay's part or simply because that first drink took the raw edge of animal hunger out of him, this bite is bliss. Pagan sinks back against the bed, melting into the feel of it as he reaches down to stroke fingers through Ajay's hair. ]

Feels good, doesn't it?

[ And there's something lovely in that. In knowing that the wonder he'd felt every time he drank from Ajay is Ajay's now, that feeling of pulling a lover into himself, something to keep secret and sacred and safe. And for Pagan, who hasn't let anyone drink from him since long before Ajay was born, the bliss of surrender. He moans with it, tugs Ajay's hair the way he's learned Ajay likes when his mouth is at Pagan's cock instead of a vein. ]

My boy. My beautiful boy.

[ he makes a low sound at the feeling of pagan's fingers in his hair, lashes fluttering as that sensation adds to the rest of the heat inside him. it's so easy to let himself go, to slide into the swoon and let it take him. like this? it's impossible to remember why he was ever so afraid of this, why it had never not been something he wanted. ]

You're a gift. A miracle.

[ He's always thought so. Even when Ajay was the somewhat unwilling figurehead of the Golden Path, caught up in the group's insistence that Pagan and his kind did nothing but destroy, he burned. And then they'd become close, and Pagan had learned that the heat Amita and Sabal had wanted to turn to cleansing blaze could be as inviting as a fire in the hearth, and Pagan had been so eager to warm himself by it.

And now -

He's never said it aloud, but Pagan had always assumed there'd be a time when he would turn Ajay. That there's come a point when the young man would realize there was still so much more he could do, and only so long that his mortal body would allow him to do it. In Pagan's mind it would have been respectful, performed like a ritual, Ajay awake and willing in his arms and welcoming the change. It breaks his heart a little that it had to be the way it was instead, but this - this almost makes up for it. Ajay drinking from him, taking his fill as he fills Pagan with pleasure, so close that Pagan thinks they can each almost feel what the other is feeling. Ajay burns brighter than ever, and Pagan marvels at it. ]

[ there's a part of him that never wants to pull away, that never wants to stop drinking pagan in like this, but. there's also an itch that just drinking blood isn't enough to scratch, and the echoing loop of pleasure thrumming through them both only makes the need more insistent.

so he pulls back slowly, withdrawing his fangs from pagan's skin and lapping lazily at the blood that pools up from the wound until he finally pulls away entirely. and then he shifts upwards, all elegant feline grace, until he's able to straddle pagan's hips and settle himself in the older man's lap. he's as pleased as a milk-drunk kitten, and there's little doubt he'd be purring if that was a vampire quirk. ]

This is always how it felt? When you fed on me?

[ Beautiful. Now he's fed there's a glow back in the cheeks that stretch over those glorious cheekbones, a satisfied look in his eyes, the faintest shine over his lip where he'd licked it clean. Pagan can't help but touch, lifting his hands to trail them over Ajay's body. ]

Oh, yes. Maybe better. I'd wanted you from the first moment I saw you back here, and though I've never been very good at denying myself I have to admit it adds a certain savor.

[ And the feelings, of course. Lust is an excellent seasoning, but love? It's unparalleled. There's no better feeling than feeding on someone who loves you and wants you to - except, perhaps, from combining that feling with sex, and judging by the look in Ajay's eyes that little addition may well be on the menu. ]

[ all of his senses feel more alive than they ever have. even the simple touch of pagan's hands trailing over his body is enough to make ajay sigh and arch up into the touch, eyes fluttering halfway shut as the feeling rolls over him. ]

I always thought it was kinda weird to get turned on by, y'know, eating. But...

But now you understand.

[ He does. Pagan can see it in his eyes, feel it in the way Ajay reacts to that touch. Which he enlivens just a little by reaching up to tweak Ajay's nipple. ]

The sensation of taking someone's very essence into yourself, feeling them become a part of you, the hot bloom of all they are on your tongue. The need for more. To share that in every way you can.

Share it with me now, Ajay.

[ And he grins, sharp, wicked, wanting. ]

Let's fuck.

Yes.

[ it spills out of him in a little moan as pagan reaches up to tweak one of his nipples, the sensation sizzling through him in little electric sparks. he's buzzed off the blood, higher than any drug has ever made him, and he can't help but be greedy for each and every sensation as it spills through this heightened awareness.

but that last bit? it sharpens his attention back to pagan, pupils dilating until the black nearly swallows the iris. then he leans in all at once for a hungry kiss, licking greedily into pagan's mouth with the taste of his blood still rich on his tongue.

and then, barely even pulling away: ] I want all of you in me. Your blood, your soul, your cock, your come.

[ Perfect. Ajay wanting Pagan the way Pagan wants him has always been the finest of aphrodisiacs, and the taste of blood on his tongue only makes it all the better. ]

Oh, you're in for a treat. Nothing beats the way it feels like this. Piqued with blood, all your senses singing -

[ And one more little surprise. There has been only one occasion so far on which Ajay has taken Pagan, mostly because Pagan figured out that Ajay likes it better the other way - and to be honest, Pagan does too. Ajay had pressed a finger into him, given that adorable snort-laugh, and said you got ready for me? I wanted to do that for you and clearly not believed Pagan when he said he hadn't needed to.

He's always liked the process of opening Ajay up, watching the way he'd rock against Pagan's fingers, becoming near-frantic for it almost before Pagan was confident that Pagan thought he was ready. And there's still fun to be had with that, certainly - fingers and mouth deployed in that slow tease that builds to what they both truly want - but tonight Ajay's need will be high with all the power that comes with the turning, and Pagan can't imagine that he'll regret the lack of it in face of the revelation to come. ]

All of me. Only for you.

[ And he grabs Ajay's hips, shifts him just so, and pierces his own lip with a fang at the bliss of sinking into him so easily. ]

[ it's most definitely to pagan's benefit that ajay is still too out of it from the high of that feeding to immediately realize what's happening. after all, pagan was most definitely stronger than him when ajay was still a human, but now? there's a chance he could hold his own, and an even better chance that he'd probably protest the idea of pagan trying to shove it in dry.

but pagan shifts him, purrs that at him, and then presses up into him in one firm slide.

the feeling of it is instant, electric. ajay jolts, back arching and voice breaking around a cry as the sensation thrills through him. he clutches at the other man's shoulders like it's the only thing keeping him from being able from being swept away, so overwhelmed for a moment that it's the only thing he can manage. ]

Fuck. Oh, fuck. Pagan --

Yes. Yes.

[ Ajay has always been beautiful in pleasure, but like this he's blinding. And the sight of him, the sound of him combined with the heat and pressure inside of him - it's dizzying. It's been a long time since anything felt this good and Pagan revels in it, still for a moment and hos hands clutch possessively at Ajay's hips. Beautiful, he's beautiful, and he's Pagan's. ]

Ajay. My beautiful boy.

Yours. Only yours, always yours.

[ and he can't resist the urge to lean in and lap up that thin line of blood running from the fresh nick in pagan's lip, moaning as the taste of it washes freshly over him. already, he's trying to roll his hips down into pagan's lap -- letting out a little whine when the grip pagan has on his hips keeps him from being able to move in a way that's really satisfying, body already thrumming for moremoremore.

fortunately, when it comes to pagan, ajay has always known how to get exactly what he wants. ]

Pagan. [ right up against his mouth, both of their lips still slick with blood. ] Take care of me, make me feel good. I need you.

Always.

[ He'd been so entranced he hadn't even noticed that he was holding Ajay still, that Ajay was moving against his grip. Now, though, asked so beautifully, he's helpless to do anything but obey. Instead of holding Ajay in place those hands guide him upward, and Pagan hisses at the drag of it before he pulls Ajay back down as he rocks up into him. That gets a moan from him, low and wanton against Ajay's mouth before he repeats the action. The feel of it pulses through him, blissful. Love and blood and sex and the knowledge that now, finally, his Ajay will be eternal. It's all he's wanted since the moment they met. ]

[ it's everything.

it's been years since ajay fooled around while high on anything, but fuck. even that didn't compare to this, every sensation alive and electric and dialed up to eleven. he matches pagan's moan with one of his own, nails dragging little pink lines of pressure along the other man's skin as he rocks himself into the rhythm pagan sets for them both. he could probably take charge if he wanted -- push pagan down and back onto the mattress, ride him hard and fast and greedy, but he doesn't. because pagan's been the one to guide him through all of this to far; he was the one to tend to him, feed him, and now it only seems right that it should be pagan's job to fuck ajay the way he needs.

what's between them now is something closer and more sacred than even what exists between lovers, and the idea of this new connection is a thrill. it's belonging, it's possession, it's forever. ]

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I am a crooked man

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