fourstrings | When the world is too dark

When the world is too dark

[ The Evergreen has a strong no-assholes policy. This is undermined somewhat by the fact that Nick basically runs it now, but it means he can use himself as a gauge. If anyone’s a bigger asshole than he is, they get kicked out.

Steve is the kind of asshole who should have been kicked out way earlier. That’s on Nick. He was over-cautious, cut the guy too much of a break, because running this bar is the only thing that has him making enough cash to keep up with his responsibilities. He’d worried that word would get around that The Evergreen wasn’t a friendly place anymore, and he’d ruin the reputation Al had carefully built up for it over the years, drive customers away. And it’s not just because Al’s basically promised him the place and it’s his future he’s gambling on, but respect for Al. He built Nick sure as he built up this bar, and the very least Nick can do in return is not tank it. And in fairness, Steve had started slow: the kind of coarse jokes that are mean instead of funny, taking sly digs at people. Way too much flirting with women beyond the point it became clear that they didn’t want to be flirted with, at least not by Steve. Nick finally found his balls the night he’d rounded the corner to check there was enough paper in the johns and seen Steve caging a girl in against the wall, face leaning in even though hers was twisted adamantly away. He’d grabbed the man by collar and belt with no regard for the fact that Steve had a good three inches and 20 pounds on him, marched him out the door, and told him not to come back, ever.

Which means that Steve is now going on the Wall of Shame, and he’d been such a dick about it Nick wants to make it a special occasion. There’s a little florist across the street that’s probably gonna close down any day now, judging by the amount of foot traffic they get, so before opening the next day Nick heads over to give them a little last bit of support. There’s a little bell that rings cutely as he pushes the door open, a blast of welcome cool, fragrant air, and… the most beautiful man he’s ever laid eyes on behind the counter. Blond hair in one of those trendy cuts that look goofy on most people that aren’t pop stars but somehow suits him just right, big eyes shaded with long lashes, a sweet little beauty mark.

Nick stops dead just inside the door, confident that if he takes one more step without preparation he’s gonna trip over his own feet. ]

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[ vash sighs out a pleased sound into the kiss, reaching up to wrap his arms around wolfwood's shoulders, and that's probably all the confirmation wolfwood needs.

beaming by the time he finally pulls away again. ]

You're wow. [ bumping their foreheads together, stupidly fond. ] I can't believe you're real.

Happy to prove it to you again any time you like, Blondie.

[ Is it too soon to be giving him a suggestive grin? Too bad, because that's what's happening. But after, there's a little wriggling and shifting until they're both laying down, so he can wrap his arms around Vash, too. He's so cute like this, happy and loose, and Nick wants to soak up as much of it as he can. ]

[ ... speaking of soaked, the shifting of their positions is enough to make vash realize that he's left a wet spot on the sofa. fuck. oh, fuck.

...

... it's a problem for future-vash to deal with, he decides.

but snuggling up together is enough to make vash realize that wolfwood is still hard, and he flusters a little. ] Sorry! I didn't -- I wasn't trying to be selfish.

[ reaching down, already trying to undo the other man's jeans. ] I wanna make you feel good, too.

Don't worry about it. I was enoying the view.

[ But he's shifting his hips obediently to give Vash easier access, bringing a hand up to ruffle lightly through his hair. Honestly, if Vash did want to be selfish, it'd be worth it. Yeah, he'd probably have to ask where the bathroom is so he could go jerk off in it after how insanely hot that was, but still worth it.]

Not gonna say no, though.

[ a snort, pressed into a kiss along the corner of wolfwood's jaw. ]

Yeah, you mentioned that. Appreciating the scenery.

[ but he couldn't be happier to get the go-ahead. undoing the jeans, shoving them impatiently out of the way enough to get a hand around wolfwood's dick. purring a little pleased sound at the feeling of it, leaning back far enough to see. ]

Wow. Even your dick is super hot.

[ His mouth opens.

Then it closes.

Vash just told him his dick is hot. It should be funny - it should be ridiculous - but combined with the touch and how turned on he already is, it makes his cock twitch in Vash's grip. He makes a sound, a helpless little thing, and that's embarrassing.

Obviously, revenge is called for. ]

Appreciating you. I can still taste you. [ He runs the tip of his tongue against his lips, hums. ] It's good.

[ that's enough to make vash moan, and he's distracted away from ogling wolfwood's dick so that he can press against him for another greedy kiss, like he wants to taste himself there too. (he does.) it doesn't stop his hand from moving, though, stroking wolfwood nice and slow. ]

[ Perfect. The depth of that kiss, the slow stroke of Vash's hand. His touch is warm, firm enough to be just right, already enough that when he breaks the kiss he's panting a little. He's getting wet at the head again already, which would be mortifying with anyone else - seems natural, somehow, when it's Vash. ]

Oh, that's good. Vash-

[ wow, flattering. especially considering this is the first time he's actually gotten his hand on a real dick. maybe he's a natural? like a cock-wrangling prodigy, that'd be kinda cool.

doesn't really matter as long as he can make wolfwood feel good, honestly.

he tips his face up to press little kisses over wolfwood's skin -- his cheeks, his jaw, his temple, his forehead. even a teasing one against the tip of his nose. ]

Do you wanna -- [ a little squeeze. ] ... like this? 'cause, if you wanted to do more...

Oh, fuck.

[ Dazed, because an offer like that from someone like Vash is like something from the most pornographic depths of his imagination. He presses forward to catch Vash's mouth in another of those little kisses - not that the other ones weren't great, but still! ]

Gorgeous, I'll take whatever you're offering. Can't think of a damn thing I don't want with you.

[ awesome. score like a million for vash.

tipping up happily into that kiss, regretting it when he has to break away because: ]

We should, ah... maybe relocate? [ and then, like they're stupid teenagers: ] I can show you my room.

[ +1 to the stupid teenagers count, because Nick's eyes light up as he says: ]

Lead the way.

[ REAL SMOOTH. Well, he had his mouth on Vash's junk a minute ago, and he likes to think he's earned some brownie points that'll balance out eager dumbassery. But even with more on offer, it feels unfair that he has to move away from Vash in order to do it. He does, though, squares himself away in preparation for relocating. Even if he ducks in for a couple of kisses as he does. ]

[ it kind of feels like a great hardship to let wolfwood put his pants back on. but! they don't have to stay on for long, which is great motivation for hustling them both off to his room.

the sweater he's wearing is long enough to brush the top of vash's thighs once he's standing, so he doesn't bother shimmying back into his sweats. just scoops them up off the floor, and then... after a moment of consideration, flipping the couch cushion with the conspicuous wet spot. brilliant! flawless! genius!

then he grabs wolfwood's hand and drags him right down the hall.

the rest of the apartment mostly looks like it stepped off the pages of an interior design magazine, but vash likes to keep his room looking... lived-in. there are still plants crammed into what looks like every inch vash could find, complete with a scatter of grow lights and humidifiers. the walls are mostly covered with movie posters (westerns, obviously!) tacked up without bothering with frames, but there are a scatter of other pictures, too. mostly he and nai, sometimes vash with a random assortment of college friends, a precious few with he and nai and rem. there's a desk shoved into one corner, cluttered with papers and knick-knacks and, yes, more plants. and hanging off one corner of the headboard is a clearly love-worn plush of a little black cat, oversized green eyes almost seeming to judge wolfwood as vash drags him in.

there's also an oversized and very squishy plush of a frog with a cowboy hat that was enjoying primo real estate on the center of the bed, but vash makes quick work of bopping him off and to the floor. (he's a very cool and mature adult who definitely doesn't sleep with stuffed animals!!!) ]

Ta-da! [ spreading his arms a little, like a magician showing off a trick, then letting go of wolfwood's hand to plop down on the bed. ] Welcome to my secret lair.

[ Okay, it'd be polite to walk at Vash's side, but the sight of those long, long legs glorious and bare below that sweater that barely covers the essentials has him lagging just a little behind. And then they get to his room, and Nick can't help the warm smile that breaks over his face. It's still clearly a room from a very fancy apartment - Nick and Livio's rooms both would probably just about fit snugly inside it - but it practically resonates with Vash. Plants everywhere, obviously well loved, with their glossy leaves and bright blooms. Confirmation that Westerns are kind of a thing for Vash, plush toys peeking out from foliage in prime spots around the room - and pictures. He can't help his curiosity, eyes scanning over them, and... huh. ]

You and your brother are twins?

[ It's pretty obvious. The brother's hair is a lighter blond, and the more recent pictures suggest that he might be built just a little like a brick shithouse, but the resemblance is striking. ]

Mm? Oh! Yeah, didn't I tell you?

[ he absolutely did not.

he's sitting just far enough back on the bed to achieve kicky-feet. but he hops back up once he sees what wolfwood is looking at, coming up behind him to hook his chin over the older man's shoulder. (he's just now noticing that wolfwood is just short enough for him to do it, and it's... cute.)

reaching out, fingers lightly brushing over the picture of rem with both of them. ] That's me, that's Nai, and that's our foster mom, Rem.

Cute.

[ But it does set alarm bells jangling faintly in the distance. It's not like they've known each other long enough for him to draw any conclusions from the fact that Vash has never mentioned Rem, but...

He decides to offer something in exchange instead, something Vash can choose to use as an out or an opening. Pulls his phone out, swipes through pictures. He and Livio, both grinning, sweaty and flushed after a game of basketball with the kids. One grownup per team, and Livio - being both taller than Nick and more naturally inclined to sports - had led his team to a brutal victory. ]

My little brother, Livio. He came to St Michael's when I was... eleven, maybe? Decided I was gonna take care of the new kid and just never grew out of it.

[ vash lights up at the sight of the pictures, and now he is standing up on tippy-toes just to see a little better. ]

I knew it! [ visibly proud of himself. ] I knew you definitely had a younger sibling.

You've got the... [ how to describe it. ] ... vibes.

[ vash clocked them from the second wolfwood wanted to fuss about his pricked finger. ]

I get that a lot.

[ Probably not helping dispel the notion by realizing that Vash is on tiptoes now and angling his phone so Vash can see better - and lean his chin on him again if he wants, because that was nice. A little more quick scrolling, and - there. It's not great quality - scanned from an old actual photograph - but it's him and Livio when they were little. Heads bowed together, Livio's eyes wide with wonder as he looks at the (big, freaky-looking) bug in the cup of Nick's hands, Nick's eyes on Livio, with a grin splitting his face. ]

There we are. Pair of little shitheads.

[ vash is leaning back up against him. not just his chin, but his whole front, arms wrapping loosely around wolfwood's waist. smiling at that picture of the two of them with an expression that's gone stupidly, hopelessly soft, looking for all the world like someone already in love. ]

Can I meet him, someday?

Yeah, but...

[ He twists around, until he can loop his arms around Vash too (and tries not to think about the fact that it's probably hitching that sweater up). ]

I gotta warn you, he's got some pretty intense ideas about what I should be doing with my life. And I already know he'd like you, so just... be prepared.

[ okay, that's... almost funny. wolfwood warning him about his little brother, when nai makes intense look like an understatement. but vash only gives a little ehehe of acknowledgement, walking backwards and tugging wolfwood with him until his knees hit the back of the bed. then he lets himself sit, pleased once he's got wolfwood straddling his lap. ]

No sweat. Intense doesn't scare me!

[ but... he leans up a little, pressing a kiss to the corner of wolfwood's mouth. and then, softly, affectionately: ] If you wanna ask me something, you can.

[ he's noticed! the way that wolfwood takes whatever information vash gives him and files it away almost without comment, rarely pressing for more. and he appreciates it, so much that it makes his chest ache a little. ]

[ His eyes get big for a second, because the main thing he's trying to prepare Vash for is the likelihood that the second Nick has to take a piss and leaves him alone with Livio he's gonna end up with Livio proposing to him on Nick's behalf. So if you wanna ask me something takes a beat in which he reminds himself other people can't read his thoughts, and then he smiles softly. ]

You figured me out, huh. Thought I was being slick over here. Acting like I was a cool guy instead of just worried I'd scare you off.

Don't answer if you don't want to. But - Rem.

[ There are tons of photos of Vash and Nai, but based on their ages there's a gap. And the photos after the gap lack two things - one of Vash's arms, and Rem, so...

There isn't a delicate way to ask that doesn't sound schmaltzy, but maybe the softer tone of his voice will take the harsh edge out of the way he phrases it. ]

Looks like she was crazy about you two. Did you lose her in the wreck?

Nah, that's not why. [ leaning up with a smile, rubbing their noses together affectionately. ] You're a nice guy, and you said you spend a lot of time around orphans, right? You didn't want to ask me anything that'd hurt.

[ vash knows it's true, all the way down into his bones.

it does hurt to talk about rem, but just a little, and not all pain is bad. sometimes things hurt just because you loved someone so much, and trying to run away from that is like trying to push them out of your heart. (it's nai that never learned to talk about her, who sat silent and vacant in every therapy session they'd been pushed into, who'd snap with anger if vash tried too hard to push the subject, who still won't look at the pictures of her on the wall. nai who'd wait until he thought vash was asleep to splay a hand over vash's ruined skin, shaking himself silently apart like someone who never learned it was okay to cry.) ]

Yeah. [ bittersweet. ] She adopted us when we were babies... I think she knew our mom, but I don't know how. She's the one who got me into plants -- she had a herb garden on her windowsill, and I always thought it was so cool to grow stuff you can eat. She always wanted us to try new stuff, to learn new things, to see how cool the whole world is. [ there had been an outing almost every weekend. museums, farmer's markets, zoos, craft expos. going out hand-in-hand on their own little adventures, rem's voice brimming over with love whenever she'd shown them something new, explained how something worked. ] I wish you could've met her. She always knew right away when someone was kind.

[ a little breath. inhale, exhale. ] The accident happened when we were ten. It's... I don't remember much of it, but the doctors used to say that happened a lot. We were driving home from... somewhere, I dunno, but another car ran a red light and hit ours. [ if he tries, vash has a faint, blurry memory. headlights flooding the interior, the screech of brakes, the look on nai's face in that split second before impact. he doesn't try very often. ] I was in the hospital for almost a year after that, but it's kind of a blur, too. Rem was already gone by the time help got there.

[ vash had only found out, years later, that the other driver had been drinking. that the case had never gone to trial because the guy was someone important, rich enough to hire the right lawyers, and they'd thrown the whole thing out based on faulty breathalyzer equipment and a possible history of recalls with the vehicle he'd been driving. he and nai had never talked about it, vash never even asked if he'd known. ]

We went to a couple different homes after that. [ might as well get all of it out, if they're already here. ] Some of them were nice, some of them were okay, some of them...

[ a little frown, brows knitting slightly. ] ... I don't think they were... bad people. [ he wants to believe that. it feels too awful to just say that some people are born rotten, that the world always would have been better off without them, like believing it is being disloyal to rem and the love she had for everything. ] They were just... strict. I guess they thought that'd help kids turn out better, maybe?

I did... something, I don't remember. [ another patch of time his brain shuttered protectively, a vague suggestion of events. ] I think I stayed out after curfew, maybe? Or forgot to tell them I was going somewhere.

But they... [ his throat goes tight. ] ... took my arm. Hid it somewhere. Said it was a punishment. [ vash remembers the way he'd reacted well enough. begging them for it back, crying, promising he wouldn't mess up again. pleading not to be sent to school without it, terrified to find that this kind of agency was something someone else could take from him on a whim. ]

I don't really know what Nai did, but he fixed it. He got it back for me, and we ended up leaving pretty soon after. We were sixteen, so... he did something, proved he could take care of both of us on his own, even got us our own place. [ and now he's bright again, the affection shining from inside him like a glow. ] But Nai's always been like that. He can do anything.

Anyway, it's just been us ever since. He got this job when I was in college, and we moved here a couple months after. And once I graduated, he helped me start Seeds!

And now you've got the whole story, I guess.

[ He fucks up. Just for a moment, he feels his jaw clench and his eyes get hot. When you're the person a child has to rely on for everything, when that child has already lost everything once, you never put yourself in a position where you can take from them. You never let them think that you could. But Vash keeps talking, his love for his brother setting a warm light in his eyes, and Nick lets the snake of his anger uncoil and slither away, even if it takes a second of quietly dragging up an old therapist's advice of imagining himself breathing in cool air and breathing out heat. And when Vash wraps up, he ducks in to press a quick little kiss to his mouth. ]

That's some hardcore big brothering. I should ask him for tips. [ He didn't need to ask if Nai was the older one to begin with, but now he's sure. ] And Rem sounds like a gem. I'm glad she got you so into plants you opened up a shop across from the bar.

I know it's pretty Catholic, but... there's a chapel at the orphanage. You wanna go light a candle for her with me when we're out there tomorrow?

Yeah!

[ vash brightens up at that, like a lightbulb just went off. ] I like thinking she's still keeping an eye on me. [ a little nudge, smiling. ] Maybe she's the one who gave you the idea for the wreath.

[ but that makes his expression soften all over again, leaning up to steal another kiss off wolfwood's mouth. ] I'd like that. A lot.

[ reaching up to take wolfwood's face in his hands, just beaming at him. ] You're a really nice guy, y'know? I'm gonna tell you so every day.

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