the bloodlust's a clusterfuck

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has existed for 458 years, and been dead for 437 of them. And in all that time, he’s never quite got the hang of resisting temptation.

He’s having the fucking devil of a time resisting Ajay.

They’ve been carving out a sort of friendship in the time since Ajay apparently decided against making Pagan’s death final – heart staked, head cut off, pieces left in the sun to burn to ash and all that jazz. Pagan has managed to shuffle his undeniable attraction to the man into the background of that, and the desire to taste him goes neatly with it. Ajay isn’t food. But the more time they spend with one another the louder his desire becomes, all of it twined together. Sex, blood, companionship. And it certainly doesn’t bloody help matters that he’s by now fairly sure that Ajay is curious.

Pagan had got a whiff of it the first time his staff had brought him some volunteers when Ajay was in the room. Pagan had called for dinner for Ajay, and they’d brought up platters of more food than one man even of Ajay’s appetite could hope to eat alone, along with three attractive young hopefuls. Pagan had dismissed them with a wave of his hand and one – a young man who Pagan has not fed from previously but is aware has been angling for a spot for some time – exploded into protest that it wasn’t fair. There was a bit of a kerfuffle about that, gasps and an outburst of sharp Kyrati from the attendants, but Pagan had seen the look on Ajay’s face. Relief that Pagan wouldn’t be feeding in front of him all threaded through with an interest in just how piqued the young man had been. Pagan won’t read Ajay’s mind – a minor courtesy – but he hadn’t needed to.

It presents itself again when Ajay drops in unannounced one day. Pagan has just finished feeding, and the woman who offered her blood is clearly in a state similar to post-coital bliss. A willing bite doesn’t always result in orgasm, but Pagan thinks it’s only polite to provide given that’s what most of them seem to expect. Ajay enters the room just as Pagan is healing her bite wound and giving her a fond pat on the hand, and he can hear the way Ajay’s pulse ticks slightly upward when the woman sleepily croons thank you, thank you before the attendants guide her away on wobbly legs. Pagan has never been the sort to derive any pleasure from forcing the issue and that had tempered his want, but knowing that Ajay is wondering about it sets him aflame.

Tonight, they’re tucked up on a couch in Pagan’s library, poring over an old vampire-hunting text the way a pair of friends might choose to watch a shitty horror film together. Pagan running a finger along the page saying no, no, that’s absolute fucking bollocks and Ajay laughing his sweet husky laugh and being mostly careful only to stare at Pagan when Pagan isn’t staring back. It’s a delight to find the attraction is mutual, and Pagan is carefully trying to select the right time to accidentally meet Ajay’s warm gaze in the hopes of advancing matters when there’s a bloody knock on the door.

Dinnertime. Of course. Pagan is regrettably sharp with his no thank you, not now (the last thing he wants to do in the middle of this tentative almost-courtship is remind Ajay Ghale, son of the Golden Path’s most famous vampire killers, that Pagan is a blood-drinking monster) before he catches himself and turns to Ajay. ]

But what about you, my boy? Have you eaten? I’ll have something brought up, anything you like.

Comments

[vaaris]

[ what kind of flirting is that!! it's not like he's never been hit on before, never been called hot, but this? it's a string of compliments all delivered so earnestly that they make ajay's whole face burn, ducking his chin down like he can escape from them if he just shells up like a turtle.

... and okay, maybe it's not all bad, maybe he even likes hearing it, but still. ]

I, uh -- ... thanks? You're, um... I mean, I like hanging out with you, too. [ it tumbles out flat and hideously awkward compared to what pagan just laid on him. ] Sorry, fuck, that came out lame. I'm not really good at -- ... uh, this.

[vacabdication]

You're perfection.

[ It's honest, but he's smiling as he says it. Would Ajay feel like he was being mocked if Pagan explained that lameness is part of the appeal? He's so used to people putting on a front for him - seductive or brave or aggressive, they're all the same flavour of artificial. But Ajay is real with him, and it's irresistable.

Of course, there's that deepening blush, too. Blood isn't always about sex, just as he said, but seeing it paint Ajay's handsome face that charming pink when Pagan is already attracted to him - it's exciting. Pagan shifts slightly, wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. He'll have to ease off or he's going to get a hard-on, and with the way Ajay keeps looking him in the eye and then shyly dropping his gaze there is definitely a non-zero chance of him noticing. Still, it's important to him that Ajay knows he's not making fun. ]

There aren't a lot of people who are comfortable just being themselves around me, Ajay. I do hope my little mating dance there isn't going to change that for you.

[vaaris]

[ mating dance.

that kind of implies pagan's hoping to get a hell of a lot more out of this little flirtation than just the chance to snack on ajay, right? and sure, okay, maybe that was obvious! but those two little words just bring it home all over again, and --

... ugh. he's gotta change topics here before his face combusts. ]

Uh, hey, so. If I let you... y'know. It's not going to make me a vampire, right? I mean, no offense, but I'm okay just being a human.

[vacabdication]

No, no. It's a bit more complicated than that.

[ Well, that does the trick. It's a sobering thought. Being reminded that Ajay as he is - beautiful and complicated and sweet - is so very impermanent. Sad, but it deflates Pagan's rising ardor enough for him to feel a bit less like he's going to pop a boner and send Ajay running for the hills. ]

I would have to drink all of your blood, and then feed you mine. It's not something that happens accidentally. Otherwise there'd be vampires all over the bloody place, and as a general rule we're far too dramatic for that to be appealing.

[vaaris]

[ well, that counts as a relief. immortality seems like kind of a rough gig, and when it comes down to it? maybe ajay likes the idea of existence having an endpoint. not because he doesn't like being here (most of the time), and not even because (most of the time) he believes in the thought of an afterlife and a place where he gets to see his mom again, but...

... it kind of gives more meaning to everything, right? the fact that you're only given a short window to take in as much as you can, that you're only here for a little bit.

or, fuck. something like that. he's not exactly a philosopher.

and that mostly settles things, except: ] ... and you never get carried away? Drink more than you meant to?

[vacabdication]

No.

[ That's true now, but it still feels... dishonest. ]

I have done, when I was very young. It's an easy mistake for the freshly-turned to make, when blood is only food and they feel as though they're starving and they don't have proper guidance. Which I understand is not an excuse, but I'm torn between wanting to be honest and let you know it has happened and wanting to impress upon you that it would never happen now.

[vaaris]

I believe you.

[ it comes easy. maybe easier than it should, all things considered, but. ajay believes that pagan cares about him. even before he got off that bus for the first time, even before they got the chance to know each other again. he knows pagan cares about him in a way that's far and above this newer interest, and he trusts that it means pagan would do almost anything within his power to keep from hurting ajay.

it's surprisingly easy to build on the foundation of that trust. ]

I guess it just seemed like the smart thing to ask. Y'know, before I told you to go for it.

[vacabdication]

Doing your due diligence. It's admirable!

[ It is. It's especially impressive since Ajay seems to have a knack for just walking into dangerous situations. And Pagan would love to admire it fully, except now he's all a-flutter at the suggestion that Ajay is considering telling him to go for it. ]

If this is something you were to choose, I want you to feel as safe and comfortable as possible. Fully armed with all the information. No question is off-limits.

[vaaris]

I kinda feel like if I ask too many questions, I'll just lose my nerve about the whole thing.

[ or remember why upsetting the existing balance between them might be a bad thing. whatever. ]

Maybe you should just do it.

[vacabdication]

Should? Maybe?

[ It should be thrilling. Ajay has all but invited him. And it is, but -

he wants to be sure. He wants to know Ajay wants this, and is okay with it, and won't regret it afterwards. ]

I value your company, Ajay. I'm not willing to risk it to satisfy my own desires on maybe. If you want this, I'll do it gladly and do my very best to make it incredible for you. But I have to know that you do want it before I'll try.

[vaaris]

[ oh my god!!! it's not like he doesn't appreciate the effort pagan is making to try and make sure he's respecting ajay's wishes, but. if he has to spell this whole thing out, he's never going to get anywhere! he's always been better at doing instead of --

...

oh. wait.

which is why he leans in, grabs two fistfuls of pagan's jacket, and crushes their mouths together into a searing kiss. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Well! That's a treat, to be sure. Pagan lean into the kiss, starts to part his lips -

and then leans back for a moment, speaking quietly, warmly. ]

Careful, now.

[ And when he moves back into the kiss he opens his mouth, tongue seeking Ajay's hungrily. Careful of the fangs, he means - it's one thing to give oneself over to the sinking pleasure of a willing bite, and another entirely to slice your tongue open on a fang. But it's good, so good, and he lifts a hand to sink his fingers into Ajay's hair. ]

[vaaris]

[ pagan breaks away from that kiss way too soon, and it wrenches a little whine from ajay in response. but then he's back, and this time he's the one to deepen it, and fuck. ajay can't help the way he moans into the other man's mouth as their tongues slide together, fingers tightening in pagan's jacket like he's trying to make sure he can't pull away from him again.

there's something heady about finally getting a payoff for all the flirting, the teasing, all the glances stolen when they're halfway sure the other person isn't looking. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Fuck. That moan sinks into him, coiling little tendrils around every part of him that wants and squeezing. Ajay grips at his jacket and that's good too - behind held there, being wanted by someone he wasn't sure he could have. But it's more than that, it's... Ajay. Precious and warm and alive and Ajay, in all the ways that nobody else can be. He hums against Ajay's lips, smiling into the kiss because he can't help it. It's been a long time since anything felt this exciting without also feeling destructive, and he revels in it.

The hand in Ajay's hair tightens just a little, fingertips brushing against scalp. His other hand comes to rest at the side of Ajay's neck, Pagan's thumb stroking there, over the steady thump of his pulse. So beautiful. So alive. ]

[vaaris]

[ unfortunately, being human comes with certain drawbacks. one of those is that there's only so long he can go kissing pagan before he finally has to break away for a proper breath, even though he pushes that limit until his head is spinning before he finally pulls back.

he licks his lips idly, still feeling the tingle from the bruising pressure of pagan's mouth so recently pressed against his. but that thumb stroking idly at the side of his neck reminds him that there's something else they both want to get out of this, and he leans into the touch in a kind of silent encouragement. ]

That clear things up enough for you?

[vacabdication]

Yes.

[ Breathed, though it's on half a laugh. He could point out that making out and sharing blood are two very different things, but Ajay's not foolish. His want and the way he offers himself up to that touch say everything Ajay can't put into words.

He sheds his blazer, leaves it to puddle on the floor. Reaches to do the same for Ajay's jacket, peels off the tshirt he wears beneath it. It would be polite to ask, but Ajay's already made it clear that he's got a limited tolerance for that right now - and it'll be better, skin-to-skin. Something shared between lovers rather than feeding. ]

I want you close. I want to feel your skin against mine.

[ Obvious, probably, given that he's now starting on the buttons of his own shirt. But perhaps also comforting to know that it's for the sake of closeness and not mess - Pagan is a great many things, but he's not an untidy eater. ]

[vaaris]

[ oh.

maybe he shouldn't be surprised! after all, he was the one who escalated things so suddenly with that kiss. but it still flusters him a little when pagan suddenly moves to tug off his jacket and peel away his shirt, and ajay is left flushed and blinking for a moment before that little explanation clears things up.

but that's... tender in a way that makes his heart do a stupid little flutter in his chest. it shouldn't be a surprise, not when he knows pagan cares about him, but. somehow it is, and now that they're in a situation that ajay can't just barge headlong into, there's enough room for a little shyness to kick in. ]

How --? Uh, I mean... [ should he just... climb in pagan's lap? is that the best position? maybe he should have asked a few questions. ]

[vacabdication]

Here.

[ It's simple enough to shift their positions so that Pagan is leaning against the arm of the couch, and Ajay leaning against him, back-to-chest. He'd love to be able to see Ajay's face but the position his head will be in precludes it, and it's almost certainly too much to try and convince Ajay to relocate to somewhere there's a mirror. This way Pagan can hold him, feel the weight of Ajay's body against his own. He shifts his leg so that Ajay is seated between the spread of his thighs, and he can't resist the urge to trail a hand down the firm plane of Ajay's chest once he's settled. ]

You can lean against me. I won't take enough to make you feel faint from blood loss, but if I do this right it should leave you at least a little inclined to swooning.

[ Maybe when he's asking Ajay to trust him this way it's not the time to inject a little note of mischief into his voice, but there it is. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's... surprisingly nice? easier than he thought it would be to just let himself settle back against pagan, and there's an immediate feeling of safety when pagan reaches up to wrap his arms around him. it's like they fit together, like this is what they were meant to be doing, and he arches up into that trailing touch with a pleased little sigh. ]

You can -- [ a little pause, because it's a weird thing to try and say. ] I mean, I don't want to be the only one getting something out of this. [ and then, smaller, shyly: ] I trust you. You can take what you need.

[vacabdication]

Oh, I'll get plenty from this, believe me.

[ Truthfully, he doesn't need to feed daily. He does, because small amounts often makes for healthy and happy donors, but if Ajay were to change his mind and walk out right now the only way Pagan would suffer would be with longing. He dips his head, brushes his lips softly against Ajay's throat. ]

But thank you. For trusting me.

[ This time the movement of his mouth against Ajay's throat is undeniably a kiss. Lingering and warm before he strokes his tongue there, lapping gently over the skin. It's already good; warm and clean, the slightest hint of salt. He reaches down to find Ajay's hand, threads their fingers together in an intimacy he never shares when it's just about feeding. And then, he bites.

It's wonderful. The taste of it is instant, rich and hot over his tongue, but more important is the feeling of it. That indescribable essence of it, the feeling of taking something of Ajay into himself. Something willingly given, offered in trust and desire, a vital part of Ajay. He's hard almost instantly. And because they've spoken of it, because Ajay knows what to expect, Pagan does nothing to mute the power in himself that makes this taking feel good. There's no need for propriety here; there's a part of him that wants to make Ajay feel so good he'll think of this for years, and Pagan lets it. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's hard to brace yourself for something when you're not exactly sure what's coming. but ajay still tries! after all, no matter how good this feels, it'd be nice not to make an idiot out of himself in front of pagan right away.

so he takes a breath, gives pagan's hand a little squeeze when the other man threads their fingers together, and then --

well. as it turns out, nothing could have prepared him for the way it actually feels.

pagan sinks his fangs into ajay's throat, and the feeling hits him like a truck. instantly, any thought of holding back on his reaction is lost -- ajay arches up with a ragged moan, instantly so hard that the pressure of his jeans is enough to hurt. it feels like his veins are full of electric fire, and every nerve ending in his body is singing with an overload of sensation. it's like nothing else he's ever experienced; no drug even comes close.

fuck, okay, maybe he gets why pagan's little entourage fights over who gets to do this. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, that's good. He'd told Ajay he's perfection, and this only cements it; he's so beatifully reponsive so quickly, the sound he makes enough to tell him that even if Pagan couldn't taste it. He's enjoying this, and that's wonderful.

He meant it when he said he didn't want to take so much blood he'd make Ajay feel faint, so he's slow with it. Hardly a challenge; Ajay feels so incredible that Pagan's instinct is to savour it rather than glut himself. It's slow, rhythmic, the sucking interspersed with lapping gently at Ajay's neck, his tongue gliding over the wound of his bite to let the taste of Ajay spread slowly through his mouth. It's a very romantic idea to attach the taste of the blood to desirable qualities, to read into it like wine, but the fact of the matter is all blood is good, and it's usually very much just blood. But there's something extra in blood shared between those who desire one another, and something else again in Ajay. Enough to make Pagan wonder briefly if he's not everything the Golden Path claim he is - powerful, the son of a Goddess, fated.

Pagan moans with it, and strokes over Ajay's body with the hand that isn't clutching at Ajay's own like a lifeline. He wants very much to take Ajay in hand and stroke his dick, but for his first time it would be a terrible shame not to let him experience it just as it is; a connection so intricate, so powerful, that such crude methods are unnecessary.

After all, if Pagan does his job right now, there'll be ample time to explore every inch of Ajay just as he pleases. Sadly the realization doesn't stop him from rocking gently against the larger man, the way they're positioned meaning Ajay's weight is bearing rather delightfully against Pagan's cock. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's... a lot. and maybe he'd be a little pissed at pagan for not warning him, except it's obvious that there aren't words for this.

pagan moans against his throat, and ajay isn't even sure if he's imagining the way the blaze of pleasure at his core seems to burn even more brightly in response. he's helpless to stop the little whine that comes spilling up out of him, arching into the touch pagan trails down his body. it's almost hard to wrap his mind around, this pleasure that burns through every inch of him without centering itself in any of the usual places. like all of him is suddenly flushed and equally sensitive, even though instinct still has him roll his hips up mindlessly into nothing. ]

Pagan -- Oh, fuck --

[vacabdication]

[ Really, it's a crime that his mouth is too occupied to tell Ajay just how magnificent he is. But if he stops the wound will sting unless he heals it, and moreover he doesn't want to stop. Not until he's taken Ajay all the way. If they only do this once, he wants to be sure it's the best experience of Ajay's life - and he damn well wants to make sure he comes. He hadn't asked, but he rather gets the impression that doing so would have embarrassed Ajay enough to shut the whole thing down. And it would be cruel to tell him it was a possibility and then not let him experience it, no?

Ajay feels so good that there's a non-zero possibility that Pagan may come himself. There's something electric about him, and every glide Pagan's tongue makes over the bite to lap at that blood brings a new wave of it. A shining thing, all-encompassing, like they're one being entirely composed of pleasure. The way Ajay's hips rock means he's moving against Pagan's dick, an added layer to the bliss of it. He brings that wandering hand up to lay Against Ajay's face, stroking over hs cheek and down over the other side of his throat. Lets the small sounds of pleasure he makes bloom and muffle themselves against Ajay's skin. He should know. He should know how wonderful he is, how unique, how perfect. And Pagan can do that, too - to open himself to Ajay, let him feel what Pagan feels in this moment. Every ounce of pleasure, every drop of adoration. All that and more wouldn't be sufficient reward for how incredible he tastes. ]

[vaaris]

[ it's like something shifts, and everything fucking intensifies.

like his pleasure isn't just his own, it's pagan's, too -- and he doesn't even know how he knows that, but his brain is way too shot for the question. ajay's never come like this before; all but untouched, nothing but pagan's mouth on his throat and his hand stroking gently over his skin, but fuck. there's also no doubt in his mind that he's abso-fucking-lutely about to, and maybe he'd be embarrassed about that if all of his brain cells weren't shorting out and overheating.

he whines, low and senseless, nearly a plea in the face of this much wonderfully overwhelming sensation. human beings weren't fucking meant for this, but there's also a part of him firmly rooted in the trust that pagan won't let it be too much. won't less this consume him, burn him up, will lovingly piece him back together after he makes ajay come to pieces in his arms. it's a weird sort of faith, born of no proof but gut instinct, and somehow all the more solid for it.

but there's also really no time or space to marvel at that. because another little fruitless rock of his hips, a desperate arch -- and he's coming, hard enough to see stars behind his squeezed-shut lids, voice breaking around another sound that tries to shape itself into pagan's name. ]