the bloodlust's a clusterfuck

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan Min has existed for 458 years, and been dead for 437 of them. And in all that time, he’s never quite got the hang of resisting temptation.

He’s having the fucking devil of a time resisting Ajay.

They’ve been carving out a sort of friendship in the time since Ajay apparently decided against making Pagan’s death final – heart staked, head cut off, pieces left in the sun to burn to ash and all that jazz. Pagan has managed to shuffle his undeniable attraction to the man into the background of that, and the desire to taste him goes neatly with it. Ajay isn’t food. But the more time they spend with one another the louder his desire becomes, all of it twined together. Sex, blood, companionship. And it certainly doesn’t bloody help matters that he’s by now fairly sure that Ajay is curious.

Pagan had got a whiff of it the first time his staff had brought him some volunteers when Ajay was in the room. Pagan had called for dinner for Ajay, and they’d brought up platters of more food than one man even of Ajay’s appetite could hope to eat alone, along with three attractive young hopefuls. Pagan had dismissed them with a wave of his hand and one – a young man who Pagan has not fed from previously but is aware has been angling for a spot for some time – exploded into protest that it wasn’t fair. There was a bit of a kerfuffle about that, gasps and an outburst of sharp Kyrati from the attendants, but Pagan had seen the look on Ajay’s face. Relief that Pagan wouldn’t be feeding in front of him all threaded through with an interest in just how piqued the young man had been. Pagan won’t read Ajay’s mind – a minor courtesy – but he hadn’t needed to.

It presents itself again when Ajay drops in unannounced one day. Pagan has just finished feeding, and the woman who offered her blood is clearly in a state similar to post-coital bliss. A willing bite doesn’t always result in orgasm, but Pagan thinks it’s only polite to provide given that’s what most of them seem to expect. Ajay enters the room just as Pagan is healing her bite wound and giving her a fond pat on the hand, and he can hear the way Ajay’s pulse ticks slightly upward when the woman sleepily croons thank you, thank you before the attendants guide her away on wobbly legs. Pagan has never been the sort to derive any pleasure from forcing the issue and that had tempered his want, but knowing that Ajay is wondering about it sets him aflame.

Tonight, they’re tucked up on a couch in Pagan’s library, poring over an old vampire-hunting text the way a pair of friends might choose to watch a shitty horror film together. Pagan running a finger along the page saying no, no, that’s absolute fucking bollocks and Ajay laughing his sweet husky laugh and being mostly careful only to stare at Pagan when Pagan isn’t staring back. It’s a delight to find the attraction is mutual, and Pagan is carefully trying to select the right time to accidentally meet Ajay’s warm gaze in the hopes of advancing matters when there’s a bloody knock on the door.

Dinnertime. Of course. Pagan is regrettably sharp with his no thank you, not now (the last thing he wants to do in the middle of this tentative almost-courtship is remind Ajay Ghale, son of the Golden Path’s most famous vampire killers, that Pagan is a blood-drinking monster) before he catches himself and turns to Ajay. ]

But what about you, my boy? Have you eaten? I’ll have something brought up, anything you like.

Comments

[vaaris]

[ well, fuck. if ajay had any hope of getting that stupid blush under control, it sure as hell isn't happening now. and he can't help but look back up into pagan's face, searching for any sign that he's kidding. ]

Wait, what --

... you're fucking with me.

[vacabdication]

I most certainly am fucking not.

[ Was that too far? He's embarrassed the boy. Nothing to do but brazen it out, now. ]

You're very attractive, and these people are risk-takers by nature. I have a reputation of being good to them now, but when I first arrived they must have been weighing up the risk of me killing them against the opportunity for an exciting new way to nut.

Ajay, there's something very charmingly naïve about the fact that you seem to be less shocked by the fact that they'll let a scary monster drink their blood because it gets them off than you are by the fact that some of them might like to look at a handsome man while it happens, and have him look at them.

[ And probably some of them are hoping that he'll decide to join in, sure, but if this embarrassed Ajay then bringing that up is right out of the fucking question. ]

[vaaris]

I —

[ okay, pagan might… have a point? but still! he’s been around these people for weeks, now! how’s he supposed to keep making eye contact with them now that he has to wonder whether or not they were one of the ones asking pagan if —

he jerks his gaze right back down again, flushed pink all the way up to the tips of his ears. ]

… that’s… I mean, it’s just — [ and then a little exhale of (very overwhelmed!) laughter, because his brain is short-circuiting. ]

[vacabdication]

A lot?

[ It's still faintly amused, but kind. It is a lot, if you're not already embroiled in the lifestyle. It's very hard to keep from being suggestive when Ajay is blushing so prettily, but he can try! For Ajay, he'll try. ]

And now you know why I've never fed while you were present. I'm a horrible little man, but not so much of one I'd let you be roped into that without being fully informed.

Of course, now that you know, if you find yourself thinking that sounds like a grand old time all you have to do is say the word.

[ He did try. Briefly. ]

[vaaris]

[ something clicks into place in his overheated brain. one piece, and then another, and then another. and then his eyes snap back up to pagan's face, wide and suddenly understanding. ]

Wait, are you -- ... I'm the restaurant you were talking about?

[vacabdication]

[ Pagan presses his lips together.

Of all the bloody times for Ajay's obliviousness to drop away, it picks now? He composes himself, takes a breath, hazards a smile. ]

You've got quite the sense of timing, my boy. I'd gotten so caught up in the conversation I'd forgotten I made that little zinger.

I must be very clear, I have no expectations. But I've enjoyed our little flirtation, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it.

[ Has he ever. The thought of Ajay clutched close, the taste of him hot and enlivening over Pagan's tongue, filling him up. Letting that little push of the mind flow back into him, bringing him pleasure. The sound of Ajay moaning against him -

He's thought about it a lot. ]

[vaaris]

[ almost immediately, his eyes drop right back down to the floor. and this time there's a long silence as ajay lets all of that sink in, chewing idly at one corner of his lip.

but with all of it out in the open... well. it's not like pagan is the only one who's thought about it. at first, it was the idea of pagan stealing him away and feeding from him by force, and tangled up in the fear was an embarrassing, confusing sort of desire. but the more time they've spent together? it was easy for the fantasy to start shifting into something consensual, to imagine himself swooning into pagan's arms like the damsel in some b-grade horror flick. he hadn't even known, then, that it was supposed to feel good -- there was just something about the idea of the possessiveness of the gesture, something intimate and dangerous and forbidden --

he shifts a little in his seat. and then, quietly: ] ... I guess I've thought about it too. Once or twice.

[vacabdication]

[ Oh, thank fuck. ]

Thank you for telling me. I was starting to feel like a bit of a lech.

[ Of course, now that's out in the open - ]

There's something about you that captivates me, Ajay. You're fucking gorgeous, of course, but you're unlike anyone I've ever known. A complex man, I think, but it makes me happy to be around you in the most gloriously uncomplicated way.

[vaaris]

[ what kind of flirting is that!! it's not like he's never been hit on before, never been called hot, but this? it's a string of compliments all delivered so earnestly that they make ajay's whole face burn, ducking his chin down like he can escape from them if he just shells up like a turtle.

... and okay, maybe it's not all bad, maybe he even likes hearing it, but still. ]

I, uh -- ... thanks? You're, um... I mean, I like hanging out with you, too. [ it tumbles out flat and hideously awkward compared to what pagan just laid on him. ] Sorry, fuck, that came out lame. I'm not really good at -- ... uh, this.

[vacabdication]

You're perfection.

[ It's honest, but he's smiling as he says it. Would Ajay feel like he was being mocked if Pagan explained that lameness is part of the appeal? He's so used to people putting on a front for him - seductive or brave or aggressive, they're all the same flavour of artificial. But Ajay is real with him, and it's irresistable.

Of course, there's that deepening blush, too. Blood isn't always about sex, just as he said, but seeing it paint Ajay's handsome face that charming pink when Pagan is already attracted to him - it's exciting. Pagan shifts slightly, wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. He'll have to ease off or he's going to get a hard-on, and with the way Ajay keeps looking him in the eye and then shyly dropping his gaze there is definitely a non-zero chance of him noticing. Still, it's important to him that Ajay knows he's not making fun. ]

There aren't a lot of people who are comfortable just being themselves around me, Ajay. I do hope my little mating dance there isn't going to change that for you.

[vaaris]

[ mating dance.

that kind of implies pagan's hoping to get a hell of a lot more out of this little flirtation than just the chance to snack on ajay, right? and sure, okay, maybe that was obvious! but those two little words just bring it home all over again, and --

... ugh. he's gotta change topics here before his face combusts. ]

Uh, hey, so. If I let you... y'know. It's not going to make me a vampire, right? I mean, no offense, but I'm okay just being a human.

[vacabdication]

No, no. It's a bit more complicated than that.

[ Well, that does the trick. It's a sobering thought. Being reminded that Ajay as he is - beautiful and complicated and sweet - is so very impermanent. Sad, but it deflates Pagan's rising ardor enough for him to feel a bit less like he's going to pop a boner and send Ajay running for the hills. ]

I would have to drink all of your blood, and then feed you mine. It's not something that happens accidentally. Otherwise there'd be vampires all over the bloody place, and as a general rule we're far too dramatic for that to be appealing.

[vaaris]

[ well, that counts as a relief. immortality seems like kind of a rough gig, and when it comes down to it? maybe ajay likes the idea of existence having an endpoint. not because he doesn't like being here (most of the time), and not even because (most of the time) he believes in the thought of an afterlife and a place where he gets to see his mom again, but...

... it kind of gives more meaning to everything, right? the fact that you're only given a short window to take in as much as you can, that you're only here for a little bit.

or, fuck. something like that. he's not exactly a philosopher.

and that mostly settles things, except: ] ... and you never get carried away? Drink more than you meant to?

[vacabdication]

No.

[ That's true now, but it still feels... dishonest. ]

I have done, when I was very young. It's an easy mistake for the freshly-turned to make, when blood is only food and they feel as though they're starving and they don't have proper guidance. Which I understand is not an excuse, but I'm torn between wanting to be honest and let you know it has happened and wanting to impress upon you that it would never happen now.

[vaaris]

I believe you.

[ it comes easy. maybe easier than it should, all things considered, but. ajay believes that pagan cares about him. even before he got off that bus for the first time, even before they got the chance to know each other again. he knows pagan cares about him in a way that's far and above this newer interest, and he trusts that it means pagan would do almost anything within his power to keep from hurting ajay.

it's surprisingly easy to build on the foundation of that trust. ]

I guess it just seemed like the smart thing to ask. Y'know, before I told you to go for it.

[vacabdication]

Doing your due diligence. It's admirable!

[ It is. It's especially impressive since Ajay seems to have a knack for just walking into dangerous situations. And Pagan would love to admire it fully, except now he's all a-flutter at the suggestion that Ajay is considering telling him to go for it. ]

If this is something you were to choose, I want you to feel as safe and comfortable as possible. Fully armed with all the information. No question is off-limits.

[vaaris]

I kinda feel like if I ask too many questions, I'll just lose my nerve about the whole thing.

[ or remember why upsetting the existing balance between them might be a bad thing. whatever. ]

Maybe you should just do it.

[vacabdication]

Should? Maybe?

[ It should be thrilling. Ajay has all but invited him. And it is, but -

he wants to be sure. He wants to know Ajay wants this, and is okay with it, and won't regret it afterwards. ]

I value your company, Ajay. I'm not willing to risk it to satisfy my own desires on maybe. If you want this, I'll do it gladly and do my very best to make it incredible for you. But I have to know that you do want it before I'll try.

[vaaris]

[ oh my god!!! it's not like he doesn't appreciate the effort pagan is making to try and make sure he's respecting ajay's wishes, but. if he has to spell this whole thing out, he's never going to get anywhere! he's always been better at doing instead of --

...

oh. wait.

which is why he leans in, grabs two fistfuls of pagan's jacket, and crushes their mouths together into a searing kiss. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Well! That's a treat, to be sure. Pagan lean into the kiss, starts to part his lips -

and then leans back for a moment, speaking quietly, warmly. ]

Careful, now.

[ And when he moves back into the kiss he opens his mouth, tongue seeking Ajay's hungrily. Careful of the fangs, he means - it's one thing to give oneself over to the sinking pleasure of a willing bite, and another entirely to slice your tongue open on a fang. But it's good, so good, and he lifts a hand to sink his fingers into Ajay's hair. ]

[vaaris]

[ pagan breaks away from that kiss way too soon, and it wrenches a little whine from ajay in response. but then he's back, and this time he's the one to deepen it, and fuck. ajay can't help the way he moans into the other man's mouth as their tongues slide together, fingers tightening in pagan's jacket like he's trying to make sure he can't pull away from him again.

there's something heady about finally getting a payoff for all the flirting, the teasing, all the glances stolen when they're halfway sure the other person isn't looking. ]

[vacabdication]

[ Fuck. That moan sinks into him, coiling little tendrils around every part of him that wants and squeezing. Ajay grips at his jacket and that's good too - behind held there, being wanted by someone he wasn't sure he could have. But it's more than that, it's... Ajay. Precious and warm and alive and Ajay, in all the ways that nobody else can be. He hums against Ajay's lips, smiling into the kiss because he can't help it. It's been a long time since anything felt this exciting without also feeling destructive, and he revels in it.

The hand in Ajay's hair tightens just a little, fingertips brushing against scalp. His other hand comes to rest at the side of Ajay's neck, Pagan's thumb stroking there, over the steady thump of his pulse. So beautiful. So alive. ]

[vaaris]

[ unfortunately, being human comes with certain drawbacks. one of those is that there's only so long he can go kissing pagan before he finally has to break away for a proper breath, even though he pushes that limit until his head is spinning before he finally pulls back.

he licks his lips idly, still feeling the tingle from the bruising pressure of pagan's mouth so recently pressed against his. but that thumb stroking idly at the side of his neck reminds him that there's something else they both want to get out of this, and he leans into the touch in a kind of silent encouragement. ]

That clear things up enough for you?

[vacabdication]

Yes.

[ Breathed, though it's on half a laugh. He could point out that making out and sharing blood are two very different things, but Ajay's not foolish. His want and the way he offers himself up to that touch say everything Ajay can't put into words.

He sheds his blazer, leaves it to puddle on the floor. Reaches to do the same for Ajay's jacket, peels off the tshirt he wears beneath it. It would be polite to ask, but Ajay's already made it clear that he's got a limited tolerance for that right now - and it'll be better, skin-to-skin. Something shared between lovers rather than feeding. ]

I want you close. I want to feel your skin against mine.

[ Obvious, probably, given that he's now starting on the buttons of his own shirt. But perhaps also comforting to know that it's for the sake of closeness and not mess - Pagan is a great many things, but he's not an untidy eater. ]

[vaaris]

[ oh.

maybe he shouldn't be surprised! after all, he was the one who escalated things so suddenly with that kiss. but it still flusters him a little when pagan suddenly moves to tug off his jacket and peel away his shirt, and ajay is left flushed and blinking for a moment before that little explanation clears things up.

but that's... tender in a way that makes his heart do a stupid little flutter in his chest. it shouldn't be a surprise, not when he knows pagan cares about him, but. somehow it is, and now that they're in a situation that ajay can't just barge headlong into, there's enough room for a little shyness to kick in. ]

How --? Uh, I mean... [ should he just... climb in pagan's lap? is that the best position? maybe he should have asked a few questions. ]